Two gardeners have entered their potatoes in a vegetable show. One is declared the winner and swaggers over to boast of his success to the other gardener. ‘Not surprised I won, to be honest,’ he says. ‘I thought yours were looking a bit on the small side. ‘That’s true,’ says the other gardener. ‘Mind you, I grew them to fit my mouth, not yours.’
One cold night a man is sat by the fire watching his favourite television programme. The wind is howling and all of a sudden there is a tap, tap, tap on the door. The man thinks nothing of it and gets back to his telly. Five minutes pass and there it goes again, tap, tap, tap. So in a bit of a mood he gets up and opens the door. No one there! So he goes back and sits down. Just as before there is a little tap, tap, tap on the door. Up he gets again and opens the door. A quiet little voice shouts out “down here”??, the man looks down, and at his feet is a little snail.
The man says rather sternly “WHAT DO YOU WANT?”?? “I’m cold and hungry, can I come in and sit by the fire and have something to eat”?? Says the snail. “NO”??, says the man and he lifts his foot, swings it back and takes an almighty swing and kicks the snail right over the garden wall. The man sits down and gets back to his programme.
Six months pass and the man is having his lunch when he hears a little tap, tap, tap on the front door. He thinks to himself for a while and then goes to answer the door. There at his feet is the same little snail and the man says again “What do you want”?? And the snail answers back in a little forlorn voice, ”What did you do that for?”
Posts
Why is the radish red? Because it's so "hot"!
Bad translation from German, sorry!
Why did the mushroom go to the disco? Because he was a fungi.
Man to florist: 'I'd like a bunch of flowers, please.'
Florist: 'Certainly, sir. What flowers would you like?'
Man: 'Er.. I'm not sure...Ummm..'
Florist: 'Let me help you, sir. What exactly have you done?'
BTG and GG get my vote - What a good start to the day, thanks for the laughs
OMG...what a lovely lot you all are!
I couldn't stop laughing.......it's snowing/sleeting/hale outside the window!!
No joke from me - I'm useless at them.
But what a good way to start the day - I love them.
Two gardeners have entered their potatoes in a vegetable show. One is declared the winner and swaggers over to boast of his success to the other gardener. ‘Not surprised I won, to be honest,’ he says. ‘I thought yours were looking a bit on the small side. ‘That’s true,’ says the other gardener. ‘Mind you, I grew them to fit my mouth, not yours.’
One cold night a man is sat by the fire watching his favourite television programme. The wind is howling and all of a sudden there is a tap, tap, tap on the door. The man thinks nothing of it and gets back to his telly. Five minutes pass and there it goes again, tap, tap, tap. So in a bit of a mood he gets up and opens the door. No one there! So he goes back and sits down. Just as before there is a little tap, tap, tap on the door. Up he gets again and opens the door. A quiet little voice shouts out “down here”??, the man looks down, and at his feet is a little snail.
The man says rather sternly “WHAT DO YOU WANT?”?? “I’m cold and hungry, can I come in and sit by the fire and have something to eat”?? Says the snail. “NO”??, says the man and he lifts his foot, swings it back and takes an almighty swing and kicks the snail right over the garden wall. The man sits down and gets back to his programme.
Six months pass and the man is having his lunch when he hears a little tap, tap, tap on the front door. He thinks to himself for a while and then goes to answer the door. There at his feet is the same little snail and the man says again “What do you want”?? And the snail answers back in a little forlorn voice, ”What did you do that for?”