Sorry ladies for my last joke,i will promise to keep it clean in the future.Stacey that was terrible lol.Man, to Neighbour: ‘Can I borrow your lawnmower?’ Neighbour: ‘No, she’s not home yet.’
Two gardeners have entered their potatoes in a vegetable show. One is declared the winner and swaggers over to boast of his success to the other gardener. ‘Not surprised I won, to be honest,’ he says. ‘I thought yours were looking a bit on the small side. ‘That’s true,’ says the other gardener. ‘Mind you, I grew them to fit my mouth, not yours.’
Harry went to buy a horse. Previous owner was a bishop who had raised and trained the horse himself. "It's a very lively animal", he said, "but you need to know I never used the usual commands of 'Walk on' and 'Whoa' for start and stop. Being a bishop I trained him to respond to only 2 commands: to start him off just say 'Praise the Lord' and to stop say 'Amen' "
"OK" said Harry, "sounds very simple to me, I can cope with that alright" so he paid the bishop for the horse, mounted up, said "Praise the Lord" and set off along the sea cliffs close by. The horse being fairly lively began to canter towards the cliff edge. "Whoa" said Harry, - no response, "stop!" he shouted, beginning to panic thinking to himself "what was the word the bishop said to get the horse to stop" - for the life of him, in his increasing panic he couldn't remember the 'stop' command and the horse was rapidly approaching the edge of the cliff some 300 ft above the rocky shore.
"What was it? What was it? he thought in panic - then suddenly it came to him ... "AMEN" he shouted:
The horse dug its hooves into the turf and came to a sudden stop just 3 feet from the cliff edge.
With a sigh of relief at his narrow escape Harry exclaimed: ………………..”PRAISE THE LORD!”
Posts
Why do elephants paint their toe nails red?
So can can hide in cherry trees and molest squirrels.
What's the worst sound a squirrel can hear?
Boing..Boing...
This last one was on an ice lolly stick and I nearly choked....not gardening but thought I ought to share
Why do elephants have four feet?
Because they'd look silly with six inches.
Why did the gardener buy a detective book?
Beacause he wanted a good weed.
My grandfather visited a pie factory and fell into an industrial meat mincer.
Now he is a ground elder.
Lol they are getting cheesier...ok found this
Made me snigger
Sorry ladies for my last joke,i will promise to keep it clean in the future.Stacey that was terrible lol.Man, to Neighbour: ‘Can I borrow your lawnmower?’ Neighbour: ‘No, she’s not home yet.’
GROW YOUR OWN DOPE,PLANT A MAN.
Two gardeners have entered their potatoes in a vegetable show. One is declared the winner and swaggers over to boast of his success to the other gardener. ‘Not surprised I won, to be honest,’ he says. ‘I thought yours were looking a bit on the small side. ‘That’s true,’ says the other gardener. ‘Mind you, I grew them to fit my mouth, not yours.’
What gets bigger the more you take away?
A hole.
Harry went to buy a horse. Previous owner was a bishop who had raised and trained the horse himself. "It's a very lively animal", he said, "but you need to know I never used the usual commands of 'Walk on' and 'Whoa' for start and stop. Being a bishop I trained him to respond to only 2 commands: to start him off just say 'Praise the Lord' and to stop say 'Amen' "
"OK" said Harry, "sounds very simple to me, I can cope with that alright" so he paid the bishop for the horse, mounted up, said "Praise the Lord" and set off along the sea cliffs close by. The horse being fairly lively began to canter towards the cliff edge. "Whoa" said Harry, - no response, "stop!" he shouted, beginning to panic thinking to himself "what was the word the bishop said to get the horse to stop" - for the life of him, in his increasing panic he couldn't remember the 'stop' command and the horse was rapidly approaching the edge of the cliff some 300 ft above the rocky shore.
"What was it? What was it? he thought in panic - then suddenly it came to him ... "AMEN" he shouted:
The horse dug its hooves into the turf and came to a sudden stop just 3 feet from the cliff edge.
With a sigh of relief at his narrow escape Harry exclaimed: ………………..”PRAISE THE LORD!”