I guess such mind games are par for the course, DD. He's been in control in your life for so long that he's not giving up without a struggle... but you're showing him you're strong and quite capable of running your own life. He's not going to like that.
Dove's idea of keeping a diary showing what arrangements have been made (and broken) sounds excellent - also maybe putting arrangements in writing for him, literally "spelling it out" (as you said) beforehand so he can't misunderstand you.
((Hugs)) from me too.
Since 2019 I've lived in east Clare, in the west of Ireland.
I can't think of anything to add to what everyone else has said. Unfortunately it brings back unpleasant memories for me too, but that is years behind me now. I really hope you can sort it out. my thoughts and good wishes are with you.
If you hadn't stayed with the boys, what would have happened then? Would he still have swanned off. Maybe you should have had plans!
One more thing...if he wants Charlie, he comes and gets him. That's how it goes. I'm afraid if you continue to convince yourself that he's a nice guy, he will continue to keep you on the back foot. I've seen it too many times.
I can't go into details but my friend's ex started off with silly mind games like that and ended up not allowded any contact with the children. She went through so many similar scenarios to yours before she finally steeled herself for her own sanity and the wellbeing of her children. They saw the games daddy was playing and were powerless.
Get strong and stay strong DD. He's not a nice guy!
I agree with PP. He's nasty and won't change and also Dove about keeping a diary.
Make the rules clear - your time with Charlie is your time, not his. Also, you are not a free babysitter any more and can't just change your plans to suit him. You have your own interests and pursuits and obligations to follow.
Make it clear to Charlie too that he mustn't fall into Daddy traps and can have his friends to play at your place when it's your weekend and at Daddy's when it's his.
Love Kitty's idea of making a mess in the kitchen.
Last edited: 03 September 2016 14:45:56
Vendée - 20kms from Atlantic coast.
"The price good men (and women) pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men (and women)."
DD - I can't add much more other than to say - yes - mind games and manipulation is sadly all par for the course. He doesn't like the fact that you were the one to move on.....
He will expect you to have no life, or be doing anything that is important, and therefore you have to jump when he says so. I capitulated all the time so that my girls wouldn't be adversely affected, but you become very unhappy doing that, and then angry.
Keep strong and don't be a doormat - easier said than done, but then the ground rules are laid out.
Rant away whenever you need to - so many of us know what it's like.
Good luck and lots of love xxx
It's a place where beautiful isn't enough of a word....
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
DD. I can't say anything that hasn't already been said
i would strongly recommend that access times are discussed, agreed upon, written down and KEPT!!Everyone, including Charlie has a copy. If this doesn't work you would be advised to have it legally scheduled.
He doesn't get to play "games" Also as PP said what would have happened to the boys f you hadn't stayed, left unsupervised?
Last edited: 03 September 2016 15:00:16
Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” A A Milne
Posts
I guess such mind games are par for the course, DD. He's been in control in your life for so long that he's not giving up without a struggle... but you're showing him you're strong and quite capable of running your own life. He's not going to like that.
Dove's idea of keeping a diary showing what arrangements have been made (and broken) sounds excellent - also maybe putting arrangements in writing for him, literally "spelling it out" (as you said) beforehand so he can't misunderstand you.
((Hugs)) from me too.
I can't think of anything to add to what everyone else has said. Unfortunately it brings back unpleasant memories for me too, but that is years behind me now. I really hope you can sort it out. my thoughts and good wishes are with you.
If you hadn't stayed with the boys, what would have happened then? Would he still have swanned off. Maybe you should have had plans!
One more thing...if he wants Charlie, he comes and gets him. That's how it goes. I'm afraid if you continue to convince yourself that he's a nice guy, he will continue to keep you on the back foot. I've seen it too many times.
I can't go into details but my friend's ex started off with silly mind games like that and ended up not allowded any contact with the children. She went through so many similar scenarios to yours before she finally steeled herself for her own sanity and the wellbeing of her children. They saw the games daddy was playing and were powerless.
Get strong and stay strong DD. He's not a nice guy!
I agree with PP. He's nasty and won't change and also Dove about keeping a diary.
Make the rules clear - your time with Charlie is your time, not his. Also, you are not a free babysitter any more and can't just change your plans to suit him. You have your own interests and pursuits and obligations to follow.
Make it clear to Charlie too that he mustn't fall into Daddy traps and can have his friends to play at your place when it's your weekend and at Daddy's when it's his.
Love Kitty's idea of making a mess in the kitchen.
Last edited: 03 September 2016 14:45:56
DD - I can't add much more other than to say - yes - mind games and manipulation is sadly all par for the course. He doesn't like the fact that you were the one to move on.....
He will expect you to have no life, or be doing anything that is important, and therefore you have to jump when he says so. I capitulated all the time so that my girls wouldn't be adversely affected, but you become very unhappy doing that, and then angry.
Keep strong and don't be a doormat - easier said than done, but then the ground rules are laid out.
Rant away whenever you need to - so many of us know what it's like.
Good luck and lots of love xxx
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
"Love Kitty's idea of making a mess in the kitchen."
Find the best biccies for the boys and search out some wine for yourself, ( even if it goes down the drain) Put it down to " babysitting costs"
I love that idea too Hosta. In fact - couldn't you do a bit of 'baking' with the boys?
Something nice for Daddy's tea......
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
how about some extra hot chilli scones?
Yeh - and you know how messy boys are once they start Hosta....
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
DD. I can't say anything that hasn't already been said
i would strongly recommend that access times are discussed, agreed upon, written down and KEPT!!Everyone, including Charlie has a copy. If this doesn't work you would be advised to have it legally scheduled.
He doesn't get to play "games" Also as PP said what would have happened to the boys f you hadn't stayed, left unsupervised?
Last edited: 03 September 2016 15:00:16
A A Milne