DD-I agree with Buttercup. You also have fantastic friends and support here...we all feel for you. You will come out on the other side much happier-stay strong! Hugs and stuff xx
Hi DD So glad you have found someone locally to confide in, regarding Charlie he sounds very much more mature than his years. From what you have said I am sure that when the time is right for you to talk to him he will be very understanding. Children can really surprise us at times like this.
Sending best wishes and a big ((hug)) to you and wee Charlie.
IMO people (big and small) cope better when the uncertainty is taken away. At the minute Charlie knows something is wrong and he's thinking the worst. You need to explain to him what is happening and that it's for the best. Soon as.....
Nobody should be urging DD to talk to Charlie before she feels the time is right - she is the only one who knows her son and can gauge how mature he is to cope with information.
My suggestion was merely that she should try to have some sort of response ready if Charlie himself directly and unexpectedly asks if mummy and daddy are unhappy / splitting up.
If he doesn't ask the question and DD doesn't feel the need to tell him just yet - then that is how it should be. Difficult situations take time to resolve and we all do it in our own way.
Heaven is ... sitting in the garden with a G&T and a cat while watching the sun go down
Absolutely agree T'bird. Mine were 5 and 8 when their Dad left - youngest had just started school and that was no picnic. Oldest had a meltdown on the way to school one day. When she calmed down, she told me it was because she was frightened I would leave them too. I had to do a lot of reassuring for a very long time.
I dealt differently with each one because they were, and still are, very different characters.
DD knows her lad extremely well. I'm sure she'll deal with it appropriately, and with great tact so that he feels secure.
It's a place where beautiful isn't enough of a word....
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
All children handle these things in their own different ways. Even if Charlie is mature for his age and has an inkling that all is not quite right, he's still a little boy and it's still his Mummy and Daddy.
Take your time DD, you will know when the time is right. You and Charlie have a good bond, you'll get there. Thinking of you both.
I've lost touch with this thread as we are on holiday, just caught up. DD, we are back on Tuesday. If you need anything let me know. I have tried not to mention anything on a computer, but know we are there if necessary. Hugs xx
Dordogne and Norfolk. Clay in Dordogne, sandy in Norfolk.
Hi Lizzie, thanks, don't worry though all ok. ( for now). Very very kind of you and reassuring to know you are there.
Big thanks to all contributors to the thread, all advice, shared experiences and support gratefully received.
Tricky to explain what / how the situation is here. On the surface all is normal, but massive (insurmountable and unacceptable) problems lie beneath the surface. OH likes to micro manage everything, in his eyes it is all about doing the best for us. Sadly, as over the last 12 months or so I have tried to break free of this suffocating control things got more and more difficult as he gets so upset/angry if I am not right here in the house where he can see me or not back exactly when he expects me to be.
For Charlie's sake I have tried to comply with his wishes to buffer the conflict and tension - as long as I 'did as I was told' it was always happy families. But it isn't a sustainable peace and I can't live that and the cracks were starting to show so Charlie was beginning to work things out for himself anyway.
I always try to answer Charlie honestly but soften the edges as it were, Daddy's tired, he doesn't mean to be grumpy etc. etc. I am just not ready to fully explain what our plans are to Charlie yet as I think it will be more worrisome - "We are splitting up but I don't know when or where we will live" is a bit too open ended for him. As soon as it becomes imminent (sooner rather than later I hope) we can explain it to him together and reassure him that things will be ok, different but ok.
One good thing is that for all OHs very strange ways he does adore Charlie and I am really hoping that will be the driving force in him doing the decent thing and providing for us so we can be safe and secure.
In the meantime while Charlie is about life is as normal as possible, luckily he is always busy and out at clubs or at friend's houses or has friends over here so is engrossed in that. Daddy has always worked long hours and spends hours in his office so there is an element of distance already. I won't lie to him but he doesn't need too many details, especially just yet and then he only needs to know how it affects him or enough to settle his worries.
My biggest worry right now is whilst we are so busy keeping up appearances OH will start thinking everything is ok and all my troublecausing will go away. Such a fine line to walk.
Don't want to be political at all but the Brexit outcome couldn't have come at a worse time for me, major financial implications ( house value / exchange rate) and of course all the state help I would have been entitled to should I need it is now in jeopardy not to mention health care & educational fees. I am sure it will be fine but another level of uncertainty when everything else is already uncertain.
Anyway, that's my worries for now, thank you all for allowing me to share them and being so supportive and helpful, indeed just for being there. I am (and have been all evening) up in my room like a naughty school girl feeling very isolated but not wanting to go downstairs and pretend all is normal. Tapping away on my kindle, desperately trying to keep the spellchecker under control has at least kept me occupied.
Good night all.
“Coffee. Garden. Coffee. Does a good morning need anything else?” —Betsy Cañas Garmon
Posts
DD-I agree with Buttercup. You also have fantastic friends and support here...we all feel for you. You will come out on the other side much happier-stay strong! Hugs and stuff xx
Hi DD So glad you have found someone locally to confide in, regarding Charlie he sounds very much more mature than his years. From what you have said I am sure that when the time is right for you to talk to him he will be very understanding. Children can really surprise us at times like this.
Sending best wishes and a big ((hug)) to you and wee Charlie.
IMO people (big and small) cope better when the uncertainty is taken away. At the minute Charlie knows something is wrong and he's thinking the worst. You need to explain to him what is happening and that it's for the best. Soon as.....
Woah! everybody!
Nobody should be urging DD to talk to Charlie before she feels the time is right - she is the only one who knows her son and can gauge how mature he is to cope with information.
My suggestion was merely that she should try to have some sort of response ready if Charlie himself directly and unexpectedly asks if mummy and daddy are unhappy / splitting up.
If he doesn't ask the question and DD doesn't feel the need to tell him just yet - then that is how it should be. Difficult situations take time to resolve and we all do it in our own way.
Absolutely agree T'bird. Mine were 5 and 8 when their Dad left - youngest had just started school and that was no picnic. Oldest had a meltdown on the way to school one day. When she calmed down, she told me it was because she was frightened I would leave them too. I had to do a lot of reassuring for a very long time.
I dealt differently with each one because they were, and still are, very different characters.
DD knows her lad extremely well. I'm sure she'll deal with it appropriately, and with great tact so that he feels secure.
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
Again totally agree Topbird.
All children handle these things in their own different ways. Even if Charlie is mature for his age and has an inkling that all is not quite right, he's still a little boy and it's still his Mummy and Daddy.
Take your time DD, you will know when the time is right. You and Charlie have a good bond, you'll get there. Thinking of you both.
I've lost touch with this thread as we are on holiday, just caught up. DD, we are back on Tuesday. If you need anything let me know. I have tried not to mention anything on a computer, but know we are there if necessary. Hugs xx
Hi Lizzie, thanks, don't worry though all ok. ( for now). Very very kind of you and reassuring to know you are there.
Big thanks to all contributors to the thread, all advice, shared experiences and support gratefully received.
Tricky to explain what / how the situation is here. On the surface all is normal, but massive (insurmountable and unacceptable) problems lie beneath the surface. OH likes to micro manage everything, in his eyes it is all about doing the best for us. Sadly, as over the last 12 months or so I have tried to break free of this suffocating control things got more and more difficult as he gets so upset/angry if I am not right here in the house where he can see me or not back exactly when he expects me to be.
For Charlie's sake I have tried to comply with his wishes to buffer the conflict and tension - as long as I 'did as I was told' it was always happy families. But it isn't a sustainable peace and I can't live that and the cracks were starting to show so Charlie was beginning to work things out for himself anyway.
I always try to answer Charlie honestly but soften the edges as it were, Daddy's tired, he doesn't mean to be grumpy etc. etc. I am just not ready to fully explain what our plans are to Charlie yet as I think it will be more worrisome - "We are splitting up but I don't know when or where we will live" is a bit too open ended for him. As soon as it becomes imminent (sooner rather than later I hope) we can explain it to him together and reassure him that things will be ok, different but ok.
One good thing is that for all OHs very strange ways he does adore Charlie and I am really hoping that will be the driving force in him doing the decent thing and providing for us so we can be safe and secure.
In the meantime while Charlie is about life is as normal as possible, luckily he is always busy and out at clubs or at friend's houses or has friends over here so is engrossed in that. Daddy has always worked long hours and spends hours in his office so there is an element of distance already. I won't lie to him but he doesn't need too many details, especially just yet and then he only needs to know how it affects him or enough to settle his worries.
My biggest worry right now is whilst we are so busy keeping up appearances OH will start thinking everything is ok and all my troublecausing will go away. Such a fine line to walk.
Don't want to be political at all but the Brexit outcome couldn't have come at a worse time for me, major financial implications ( house value / exchange rate) and of course all the state help I would have been entitled to should I need it is now in jeopardy not to mention health care & educational fees. I am sure it will be fine but another level of uncertainty when everything else is already uncertain.
Anyway, that's my worries for now, thank you all for allowing me to share them and being so supportive and helpful, indeed just for being there. I am (and have been all evening) up in my room like a naughty school girl feeling very isolated but not wanting to go downstairs and pretend all is normal. Tapping away on my kindle, desperately trying to keep the spellchecker under control has at least kept me occupied.
Good night all.
THANK YOU PansyFaCE.
GOODNIGHT.
Sleep tight DD xx
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.