Straight from Buckingham Palace, it now turns out that Prince Andrew was picking plums when the police stopped him the other day. It seems that the Queen, God save her, loves her plum tarts. So, send her Victorias.
Right, you lot. Just about had enough of this! I burnt my bacon 'cos I couldn't stop reading (Just found this thread), Then choked on me butty. So for that, here's a really bad one. It's meant to be sung in a really bad voice, but I don't know what the tune is called.
When I was a-walking with my brother Jim
Somebody threw a tomato at 'im
Now tomatoes are soft and they don't 'urt the skin
There was this bobby on the beat (see what I mean by "olden days") who noticed a dodgy looking fellow wheeling a barrow up the road with a huge sack on it.
When he stopped him he insisted the fellow opened up the sack. "Certainly, officer," says the shifty fellow and he opens up the sack. Inside there's a load of straw.
"All paid for," said the shifty guy. The policeman checked this out and found it was true.
The next day he saw him again and again he was wheeling the wheelbarrow which held a huge sack, so the policeman made him open it up again. As before it was full of straw. The policeman have him an inquiring and 'suspicious policeman look'. "'For me rabbits," explained the shifty guy.
This happened every day for two weeks - every time the policeman checked the sack it was full of straw.
It started to wear him down - he couldn't get out of his head the idea the shifty guy was up to something but he was blowed if he knew what.
In the end he stopped the shifty fellow once more and told him bluntly that he knew he was up to something and demanded he told him what it was.
He said he wouldn't charge him with anything but it was driving him crazy and he insisted on knowing why the shifty fellow was moving sacks of straw up the road every evening.
"You won't charge me with anything? says the shifty fellow. "That's right," says the policeman. "Promise?" says the shifty fellow. "God's honour!" agrees the policeman. "We'll... " "Just tell me ," the policeman almost pleads. The shifty fellow leans forward and whispers in the policeman's ear: "I'm knocking off wheelbarrows."
Posts
Straight from Buckingham Palace, it now turns out that Prince Andrew was picking plums when the police stopped him the other day. It seems that the Queen, God save her, loves her plum tarts. So, send her Victorias.
Right, you lot. Just about had enough of this! I burnt my bacon 'cos I couldn't stop reading (Just found this thread), Then choked on me butty. So for that, here's a really bad one. It's meant to be sung in a really bad voice, but I don't know what the tune is called.
When I was a-walking with my brother Jim
Somebody threw a tomato at 'im
Now tomatoes are soft and they don't 'urt the skin
But this bug**r did, it was still in the tin!
Wait, there's more.
To market, to market, to buy a fat cow
To milk it, to milk it, she did not know how
So she pulled on it's Tail instead of it's T**
And poor little Lucy got covered in -----
(Chorus)
Sorry
I'l just get me 'at!
(Here's one from "the olden days")
There was this bobby on the beat (see what I mean by "olden days") who noticed a dodgy looking fellow wheeling a barrow up the road with a huge sack on it.
When he stopped him he insisted the fellow opened up the sack. "Certainly, officer," says the shifty fellow and he opens up the sack. Inside there's a load of straw.
"All paid for," said the shifty guy. The policeman checked this out and found it was true.
The next day he saw him again and again he was wheeling the wheelbarrow which held a huge sack, so the policeman made him open it up again. As before it was full of straw. The policeman have him an inquiring and 'suspicious policeman look'.
"'For me rabbits," explained the shifty guy.
This happened every day for two weeks - every time the policeman checked the sack it was full of straw.
It started to wear him down - he couldn't get out of his head the idea the shifty guy was up to something but he was blowed if he knew what.
In the end he stopped the shifty fellow once more and told him bluntly that he knew he was up to something and demanded he told him what it was.
He said he wouldn't charge him with anything but it was driving him crazy and he insisted on knowing why the shifty fellow was moving sacks of straw up the road every evening.
"You won't charge me with anything? says the shifty fellow.
"That's right," says the policeman.
"Promise?" says the shifty fellow.
"God's honour!" agrees the policeman.
"We'll... "
"Just tell me ," the policeman almost pleads.
The shifty fellow leans forward and whispers in the policeman's ear: "I'm knocking off wheelbarrows."
Birdy
Why did the potatoes get divorced?.
.......beacuse they could,nt see eye to eye.
He, He, He!
I like this thread. Like your songs, Charlie.
Birdy, that's good.
But Gilly and Verdun, must try harder!
So here's some more bad ones, only very loosely gardening based!
What's the difference between a goat and a goldfish?
One mucks about in fountains!
Following on from Birdy's policeman, and imaging fairies in your garden:
Difference between a faiy's wand and a policeman's truncheon?
Once is for cunning stunts!
And, to finish, a tongue twister. Say five times fast
I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's son.
On that note, I shall go away to catch up with Tea's saga!
That's all folks. Beep Beep!
OH, WOW, OH WOO, I won something!!
Made my day!
Thanks, Verdun, but that's me all joked out now! I look forward to hearing more of everyone else's.
Diddy seems conspicous by absence here. Been telling jokes on the 'barking dog' thread. Not that I'mm telling tales or anything........