Absolutely no reason for you to feel a fraud Lyn - you're not an expert, you don't know what's happening. ((hugs))
You should be getting support from someone, a Macmillan nurse or Marie Curie or whoever provides end of life support in your area. There will be someone whose job it is to give you support as a carer, even if it's just at the end of a phone line. Please ask the doctor about this - he/she can easily make a referral.
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
You're never a fraud Lyn, you're one of the most genuine people I've ever known. What you are going through, there isn't a rule book for it and we just do what is humanly possible. As Verdun says, try to take things one day at a time, sometimes that's the best way to deal with life. My thoughts are with you and everyone else here.
Just call in and have a good moan/winge here There are plenty of us who understand how you feel.
I felt terrible when eventually my ex., and I realised his mother was suffering with dementia. My father-in-law had apparently been struggling for several years without asking for help or telling anyone what was happening.We only visited infequently and thought her forgetfulness was just getting old. It wasn't until I accidentally discovered their bed, absolutely soaking wet, mattress and linen, that the alarm bells rang for me. I still have pangs of guilt for trying to make her take the Ibuprufen tablets prescribe, only to be told when she admitted to hospital after a fall and broken wrist, that she had been taken off them because they were causing internal bleeding, a side effect from taking heavy doses. She just had not been ablt to tell us that she must have had stomach pains whenever she took them. She suffered with the broken wrist for over a month before it was diagnosed, my goodness what pain she must have been in.
My only consolation is that we did not know what was happening and our ignorance was not deliberate on our part.
At least you, and everyone else in similar situations, know that you have the chance to do everything you can to look after your parents and in some small way repay them for what they have done for you.
My sick friend had a big set back this week, her chemo., was not given because her blood count was too low, nothing could be done except wait a week to see if the count has gone up enough for her to have the treatment next week. Her hair has begun to fall out so she hit a massive low. It didn't help that she had been warned from the begining that these were things which might happen.We are going out for lunch today to a lovely village pub, in a couple of weeks time I am going to ask her to help me choose some fish to go in my new toy, an aquarium, something I have lusted after for years. Found one in a local charity shop so threw caution to the wind, took out a second mortgage and bought it. It is set up with water and plants but I cannot wait to move some fish in.
Lyn I'm happy that your mum's self preservation gene kicked and she cooperated with you and didn't verbally fight you. No need for any mention of fraud, we are happy for you. x
Joyce I'm sorry about your regrets, hugs, we can only act on the information we are given, many spouses of elderly people with dementia won't tell what is actually going on they see it as a form of betrayal. In my experience some people with dementia don't feel pain, I don't know if the receptors are in the part of their brain where their dementia has attacked I knew a lady who fell into an open fire and had horrible burns to her face but felt no pain. My father either forgot or felt no pain from the physical things he had complained about for many years prior to vascular dementia. Hope that reassures you about tablets. Hope you enjoy the next meeting with your friend
Lily how is your friend and her daughter ?
Verdun still thinking about you and your dear Mumx
Verdun et al, keep your chin up. I lost my dad in a week after being diagnosed with lung cancer to pneumonia he contracted having a biopsy in hospital. Don't feel guilty, you're doing your best, and that's all a body can do.
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Absolutely no reason for you to feel a fraud Lyn - you're not an expert, you don't know what's happening. ((hugs))
You should be getting support from someone, a Macmillan nurse or Marie Curie or whoever provides end of life support in your area. There will be someone whose job it is to give you support as a carer, even if it's just at the end of a phone line. Please ask the doctor about this - he/she can easily make a referral.
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
Lyn - huge hugs - nothing more I can say really. Its the most difficult thing in the world, but you are doing all the right things.
You're never a fraud Lyn, you're one of the most genuine people I've ever known. What you are going through, there isn't a rule book for it and we just do what is humanly possible. As Verdun says, try to take things one day at a time, sometimes that's the best way to deal with life. My thoughts are with you and everyone else here.
Big hugs Lyn, thinking of you and your mum. Take care of yourself too. Lots of love xx
Hi Lyn,
Just call in and have a good moan/winge here There are plenty of us who understand how you feel.
I felt terrible when eventually my ex., and I realised his mother was suffering with dementia. My father-in-law had apparently been struggling for several years without asking for help or telling anyone what was happening.We only visited infequently and thought her forgetfulness was just getting old. It wasn't until I accidentally discovered their bed, absolutely soaking wet, mattress and linen, that the alarm bells rang for me. I still have pangs of guilt for trying to make her take the Ibuprufen tablets prescribe, only to be told when she admitted to hospital after a fall and broken wrist, that she had been taken off them because they were causing internal bleeding, a side effect from taking heavy doses. She just had not been ablt to tell us that she must have had stomach pains whenever she took them. She suffered with the broken wrist for over a month before it was diagnosed, my goodness what pain she must have been in.
My only consolation is that we did not know what was happening and our ignorance was not deliberate on our part.
At least you, and everyone else in similar situations, know that you have the chance to do everything you can to look after your parents and in some small way repay them for what they have done for you.
My sick friend had a big set back this week, her chemo., was not given because her blood count was too low, nothing could be done except wait a week to see if the count has gone up enough for her to have the treatment next week. Her hair has begun to fall out so she hit a massive low. It didn't help that she had been warned from the begining that these were things which might happen.We are going out for lunch today to a lovely village pub, in a couple of weeks time I am going to ask her to help me choose some fish to go in my new toy, an aquarium, something I have lusted after for years. Found one in a local charity shop so threw caution to the wind, took out a second mortgage and bought it. It is set up with water and plants but I cannot wait to move some fish in.
Lyn I'm happy that your mum's self preservation gene kicked and she cooperated with you and didn't verbally fight you. No need for any mention of fraud, we are happy for you. x
Joyce I'm sorry about your regrets, hugs, we can only act on the information we are given, many spouses of elderly people with dementia won't tell what is actually going on they see it as a form of betrayal. In my experience some people with dementia don't feel pain, I don't know if the receptors are in the part of their brain where their dementia has attacked
I knew a lady who fell into an open fire and had horrible burns to her face but felt no pain. My father either forgot or felt no pain from the physical things he had complained about for many years prior to vascular dementia. Hope that reassures you about tablets. Hope you enjoy the next meeting with your friend 
Lily how is your friend and her daughter ?
Verdun still thinking about you and your dear Mumx
Verdun et al, keep your chin up. I lost my dad in a week after being diagnosed with lung cancer to pneumonia he contracted having a biopsy in hospital. Don't feel guilty, you're doing your best, and that's all a body can do.