Hello to anyone there, looking for some assurance.
Spent the morning with 'experts' on divorce/splits etc. Came away with a horrible feeling in my stomach - they all seem to be 'in for the kill' or to 'go for the jugular' as it were. Does anyone think it is possible to have an amicable split or am I just being naive? And if my conscience is clear and I have no money or not as much as I should have, will I feel better?
I have been told to go and register my concerns at the doctors and with the police, ready for the defence of an assault on my character and for my protection because the situation could turn nasty - so they say. I am afraid if I do take these steps it will really turn nasty but if I just try and negotiate between the two of us we could maybe work it out. I am worried once too many authorities get involved they suddenly have power over me and more importantly Charlie and I will have no say in the matter. If they deem there is a threat they might even have to power to take Charlie to a 'safe place' which would be the worst thing that could possibly happen to him. Surely two adults who both adore their son wouldn't do anything to put him through such an alien experience. I honestly believe I would rather have nothing than get involved in such a battle.
I know you don't all know the details but any advice would be welcome - authorities frighten me, especially French bureaucracy, they are already confused because I live in one department but want to move to another and Charlie goes to school in a different one to where we live, they just don't talk to each other.
I am so scared to 'get this ball rolling' as after just a couple of meetings the feeling of losing control and things being seen in the worst possible light is really daunting. Is there such a thing as a nice solicitor - I want to leave my partner not crucify him.
“Coffee. Garden. Coffee. Does a good morning need anything else?” —Betsy Cañas Garmon
DD - I would have had a relatively good split from my husband. Unfortunately, the new partner decided HE was in charge and made things far more protracted and difficult than they would ever have been. In the end, it cost me a lot more financially, not to mention the stress involved being caught between a rock and a hard place all the time.
I had a good family solicitor so there are some out there! I don't know if there's a similar structure in France regarding the different types of lawyer. It might be worth while writing down your thoughts about what you ultimately want, and how to go about getting it, so that you can then make a list of questions to ask your lawyer.
Sadly, even the most reasonable people can end up 'fighting over the teaspoons'.
It's a place where beautiful isn't enough of a word....
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
In my case there was no new partner but my ex just decided to behave like an absolute a**e. Cost us both a fortune for no reason other than to make me pay! I still don't know why he did it thirty years on!
Thanks for the quick response Fairy. Someone has recommended a lady who specialises in women's issues so I am hoping she might be a bit less aggressive and more sympathetic in understanding Charlie is at the centre of my concerns - I don't want him ending up blaming me if OH get into serious trouble.He could potentially lose his business and that won't help any of us.
I just want enough money to start again , or start to start again, if I am worried about feeding us and keeping us warm I won't be any good to anyone.
“Coffee. Garden. Coffee. Does a good morning need anything else?” —Betsy Cañas Garmon
The problem is he is adamant there is no money and the only way he can pay is if I stay here and run the B&B - that is so not an option for me - it could take years before he finds the money.
“Coffee. Garden. Coffee. Does a good morning need anything else?” —Betsy Cañas Garmon
I got out of my first marriage relatively lightly. My friend in Australia gave up her career to travel all over the world with her husband, have three kids and do all the home support. Unfortunately he was a womanising alcoholic, but with a terrific amount of charm. When they separated, he persuaded her that it would be in the best interests of the children to not divorce until the youngest was 18 , that she would always have the family home, and he would support his family. Nothing in writing though, even though her solicitor said they had him by the short and curlies by this point. She still loved him and as I said, he was a charmer. ( or full of BS depending on your viewpoint)
He then proceeded to remortgage the house up to the hilt,and stash money where it couldn't be found. My friend was always having to face debt collectors, too scared to answer the phone most of the time, and in a poorly paid job just to put food on the table. and when it finally came to divorce, she was left putting the youngest through Uni, and ended up downsizing drastically to keep a roof over her head. Him and his new girlfriend moved into a huge new house, she of course doesn't work, but does charitable deeds and writes childrens books. (Vanity published)
GET EVERY PROMISE IN WRITING, PREFERABLY WITNESSED BY A SOLICITOR.
Later partners can have a huge influence over decisions over money.
DD remember that he or she who pays the piper calls the tune. Whilst your solicitor etc can advise you of the the legal aspects of your divorce, they need to be aware of the approach you wish to take and be happy to work with you to achieve it.
However, do be prepared for your OH's lawyers to encourage him to 'play tough' - your legal advisors will need to have the ammunition to fire back at them if that's the direction things go in. They will, of course, need to take steps to protect your and Charlie's interests in case should things 'get nasty', but they shouldn't be initiating any nastiness.
Good luck ((hugs))
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
My ex -wife and I sat down over a cuppa and filled in all the papers together, no solicitor, no cost. I know how lucky we were to have been able to do it that way. We didn't have a penny between us at the time so that probably helped.
Obviously we have never met, but I feel I know you a bit from the forum.
You have always struck me, as a remarkable woman; strong, resourceful and clever, who has taken every available opportunity, in a new country.
Whatever happens, you and Charlie will survive, and eventually thrive.
Many years ago, I went through a nasty divorce. I behaved badly, because I felt deeply wronged, but eventually came to my senses, and moved away from the area. It took several years, but eventually I recovered, and later started to live again.
I am not entirely sure what I am trying to say, other than to offer my support, and to assure you, that you will be ok.
How can you lie there and think of England When you don't even know who's in the team
Posts
Hello to anyone there, looking for some assurance.
Spent the morning with 'experts' on divorce/splits etc. Came away with a horrible feeling in my stomach - they all seem to be 'in for the kill' or to 'go for the jugular' as it were. Does anyone think it is possible to have an amicable split or am I just being naive? And if my conscience is clear and I have no money or not as much as I should have, will I feel better?
I have been told to go and register my concerns at the doctors and with the police, ready for the defence of an assault on my character and for my protection because the situation could turn nasty - so they say. I am afraid if I do take these steps it will really turn nasty but if I just try and negotiate between the two of us we could maybe work it out. I am worried once too many authorities get involved they suddenly have power over me and more importantly Charlie and I will have no say in the matter. If they deem there is a threat they might even have to power to take Charlie to a 'safe place' which would be the worst thing that could possibly happen to him. Surely two adults who both adore their son wouldn't do anything to put him through such an alien experience. I honestly believe I would rather have nothing than get involved in such a battle.
I know you don't all know the details but any advice would be welcome - authorities frighten me, especially French bureaucracy, they are already confused because I live in one department but want to move to another and Charlie goes to school in a different one to where we live, they just don't talk to each other.
I am so scared to 'get this ball rolling' as after just a couple of meetings the feeling of losing control and things being seen in the worst possible light is really daunting. Is there such a thing as a nice solicitor - I want to leave my partner not crucify him.
DD - I would have had a relatively good split from my husband. Unfortunately, the new partner decided HE was in charge and made things far more protracted and difficult than they would ever have been. In the end, it cost me a lot more financially, not to mention the stress involved being caught between a rock and a hard place all the time.
I had a good family solicitor so there are some out there! I don't know if there's a similar structure in France regarding the different types of lawyer. It might be worth while writing down your thoughts about what you ultimately want, and how to go about getting it, so that you can then make a list of questions to ask your lawyer.
Sadly, even the most reasonable people can end up 'fighting over the teaspoons'.
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
In my case there was no new partner but my ex just decided to behave like an absolute a**e. Cost us both a fortune for no reason other than to make me pay! I still don't know why he did it thirty years on!
Boys are stupid.
Thanks for the quick response Fairy. Someone has recommended a lady who specialises in women's issues so I am hoping she might be a bit less aggressive and more sympathetic in understanding Charlie is at the centre of my concerns - I don't want him ending up blaming me if OH get into serious trouble.He could potentially lose his business and that won't help any of us.
I just want enough money to start again , or start to start again, if I am worried about feeding us and keeping us warm I won't be any good to anyone.
The problem is he is adamant there is no money and the only way he can pay is if I stay here and run the B&B - that is so not an option for me - it could take years before he finds the money.
I got out of my first marriage relatively lightly. My friend in Australia gave up her career to travel all over the world with her husband, have three kids and do all the home support. Unfortunately he was a womanising alcoholic, but with a terrific amount of charm. When they separated, he persuaded her that it would be in the best interests of the children to not divorce until the youngest was 18 , that she would always have the family home, and he would support his family. Nothing in writing though, even though her solicitor said they had him by the short and curlies by this point. She still loved him and as I said, he was a charmer. ( or full of BS depending on your viewpoint)
He then proceeded to remortgage the house up to the hilt,and stash money where it couldn't be found. My friend was always having to face debt collectors, too scared to answer the phone most of the time, and in a poorly paid job just to put food on the table. and when it finally came to divorce, she was left putting the youngest through Uni, and ended up downsizing drastically to keep a roof over her head. Him and his new girlfriend moved into a huge new house, she of course doesn't work, but does charitable deeds and writes childrens books. (Vanity published)
GET EVERY PROMISE IN WRITING, PREFERABLY WITNESSED BY A SOLICITOR.
Later partners can have a huge influence over decisions over money.
DD remember that he or she who pays the piper calls the tune. Whilst your solicitor etc can advise you of the the legal aspects of your divorce, they need to be aware of the approach you wish to take and be happy to work with you to achieve it.
However, do be prepared for your OH's lawyers to encourage him to 'play tough' - your legal advisors will need to have the ammunition to fire back at them if that's the direction things go in. They will, of course, need to take steps to protect your and Charlie's interests in case should things 'get nasty', but they shouldn't be initiating any nastiness.
Good luck ((hugs))
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
Thanks all. What a state of affairs eh! I keep asking myself how did I get into this mess.
DD, whatever you do, don't go blaming yourself.
Many of us have gone through the same.
My ex -wife and I sat down over a cuppa and filled in all the papers together, no solicitor, no cost. I know how lucky we were to have been able to do it that way. We didn't have a penny between us at the time so that probably helped.
Keep strong.
x
DD.
Obviously we have never met, but I feel I know you a bit from the forum.
You have always struck me, as a remarkable woman; strong, resourceful and clever, who has taken every available opportunity, in a new country.
Whatever happens, you and Charlie will survive, and eventually thrive.
Many years ago, I went through a nasty divorce. I behaved badly, because I felt deeply wronged, but eventually came to my senses, and moved away from the area. It took several years, but eventually I recovered, and later started to live again.
I am not entirely sure what I am trying to say, other than to offer my support, and to assure you, that you will be ok.
When you don't even know who's in the team
S.Yorkshire/Derbyshire border