DD a big bushman hug for you and Charlie available whenever you need one. Keep your chin up. Bullys are cowards YOU are NOT you are much stronger than you imagine. Will be thinking of you.
You lot are all so good it really is amazing. Obelixx, thank you for the link but I can assure you I am definitely at the very end of stage 6.
Things have definitely got worse recently, and I had reached the conclusion myself that things had become untenable. However, when a B&B guest said to me (he had stayed 6 days) that he thought I should take his money and run for the hills I was really quite shocked. He only saw OH on 'best behaviour' , nowhere near as bad as he is when there is no-one here and he said he felt compelled to tell me that the way OH treated/spoke to me was absolutely unacceptable behaviour, and an extremely unhealthy way to live for both me and Charlie.
So far, we have not said anything to Charlie, I don't want to say anything until something is imminent, but even he recently said to me after OH had been particularly nasty (in front of Charlie) "why don't you and Daddy get a separation?" Kids are not stupid, they know when things are not right and as much as I put a brave face on things he knows how frightened I am of Daddy.
Anyway, as soon as guests depart I am going to confront him again about what he is going to do about 'how we manage the separation' because right now he is living in cloud cuckoo land if he thinks this will all blow over. Clari, I could really do with you by my side right now. I wish I had a bit of that attitude.
“Coffee. Garden. Coffee. Does a good morning need anything else?” —Betsy Cañas Garmon
Are you frightened that your OH might actually become violent towards you or Charlie? If so, is there one of your new local friends you can confide in so that you have somewhere to run to if things escalate?
Heaven is ... sitting in the garden with a G&T and a cat while watching the sun go down
When I told my first husband that I had seen a solicitor and was filing for divorce, his words were..
"Well you'll have to pay me maintenance, because you earn more than me"
When he had it spelt out to him, that he was going, the assets would be evenly split, and that he was going to get a full and final financial settlement, he got too nice. Sending me Valentine's card, trying to patch things up. It wasn't until I sold my car that he had been entertaining other women in, that he realised I was serious. (I was driving a company vehicle for work) He then reverted to type, forging my signature to clear out a bank account.(Not the first time) it took me six months to get him out of the house. I had the decree absolute before he finally went. Six months of living in separate rooms, two lives in one house. Thankfully there were no children in the crossfire, and I had a busy job to keep me occupied.
DD - you need to forewarn someone that you are worried so they can keep an eye and react swiftly if needs be - school director, social services, police, family support etc. Local communes in Belgium have these so I expect you do too.
I know it's hard after years of being worn down but you do have to stand up for yourself and tell him his behaviour is unnacceptable and that the marriage is over and that you and Charlie are not leaving your home. Take steps now to secure your local bank account and assets before you confront him.
Good luck.
Vendée - 20kms from Atlantic coast.
"The price good men (and women) pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men (and women)."
I have got some close friends that know the situation and I have got an 'escape plan' should it come to it, but the financial side is very complicated (basically he has all the money and assets and I have nothing - officially.) I am trying to negotiate with him to buy me a property, he laughed when I told him, but when I explained what the solicitor said he took me a bit more seriously. Since then he has been 'nice' and helping etc. etc. but it is no good, too much, too little, too late.
Anyway, he has gone out now - avoiding the issue - I am going to talk to him as soon as he gets back but then again Charlie finishes school at noon so makes it tricky - just how he wants it.
I am not going to do anything rash, I have put up with him for 12 years (gosh how could I have been so stupid) another few weeks/months won't do any harm, especially now I have 'seen the light as it were and won't play his silly games.
To makes things extra complicated we are not actually married and in France that makes a big difference, however, just because I am not legally entitled to stuff doesn't mean I am not morally entitled, the solicitor was quite positive about the situation.
Finally, at the end of the day, if I leave with nothing that is what it is, but I will explore every avenue to get what I rightfully deserve first. And I do know that the last thing he will want will be anyone official looking into his financial affairs, he manipulates them as badly as he manipulated me!
Thank you all so, so much.
“Coffee. Garden. Coffee. Does a good morning need anything else?” —Betsy Cañas Garmon
Just a quick update, don't want anyone worrying about me.
Had another conversation - I think he now realises that this is real and he has to do something. Wasn't a pleasant conversation but it was calm and factual. He did listen and hopefully now will make a plan.
Thanks again for all the support.
“Coffee. Garden. Coffee. Does a good morning need anything else?” —Betsy Cañas Garmon
DD - believe me - you are NOT stupid. Don't ever think that you HAVE been. You're strong and tough, and , more importantly, you're kind and decent and have tried very hard to make your new life work. I have so much admiration for you.
Your financial situation is a bit like mine was, for reasons I can't go into, but it's better to be away even if you have nothing financially. Sounds like your solicitor is very able and will get a positive result for you. Mine did.
Hang on in there xxx
It's a place where beautiful isn't enough of a word....
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
Posts
DD a big bushman hug for you and Charlie available whenever you need one. Keep your chin up. Bullys are cowards YOU are NOT you are much stronger than you imagine. Will be thinking of you.
You lot are all so good it really is amazing. Obelixx, thank you for the link but I can assure you I am definitely at the very end of stage 6.
Things have definitely got worse recently, and I had reached the conclusion myself that things had become untenable. However, when a B&B guest said to me (he had stayed 6 days) that he thought I should take his money and run for the hills I was really quite shocked. He only saw OH on 'best behaviour' , nowhere near as bad as he is when there is no-one here and he said he felt compelled to tell me that the way OH treated/spoke to me was absolutely unacceptable behaviour, and an extremely unhealthy way to live for both me and Charlie.
So far, we have not said anything to Charlie, I don't want to say anything until something is imminent, but even he recently said to me after OH had been particularly nasty (in front of Charlie) "why don't you and Daddy get a separation?" Kids are not stupid, they know when things are not right and as much as I put a brave face on things he knows how frightened I am of Daddy.
Anyway, as soon as guests depart I am going to confront him again about what he is going to do about 'how we manage the separation' because right now he is living in cloud cuckoo land if he thinks this will all blow over. Clari, I could really do with you by my side right now.
I wish I had a bit of that attitude.
DD - huge hugs.
Are you frightened that your OH might actually become violent towards you or Charlie? If so, is there one of your new local friends you can confide in so that you have somewhere to run to if things escalate?
When I told my first husband that I had seen a solicitor and was filing for divorce, his words were..
"Well you'll have to pay me maintenance, because you earn more than me"
When he had it spelt out to him, that he was going, the assets would be evenly split, and that he was going to get a full and final financial settlement, he got too nice. Sending me Valentine's card, trying to patch things up. It wasn't until I sold my car that he had been entertaining other women in, that he realised I was serious. (I was driving a company vehicle for work) He then reverted to type, forging my signature to clear out a bank account.(Not the first time) it took me six months to get him out of the house. I had the decree absolute before he finally went. Six months of living in separate rooms, two lives in one house. Thankfully there were no children in the crossfire, and I had a busy job to keep me occupied.
DD - you need to forewarn someone that you are worried so they can keep an eye and react swiftly if needs be - school director, social services, police, family support etc. Local communes in Belgium have these so I expect you do too.
I know it's hard after years of being worn down but you do have to stand up for yourself and tell him his behaviour is unnacceptable and that the marriage is over and that you and Charlie are not leaving your home. Take steps now to secure your local bank account and assets before you confront him.
Good luck.
I have got some close friends that know the situation and I have got an 'escape plan' should it come to it, but the financial side is very complicated (basically he has all the money and assets and I have nothing - officially.) I am trying to negotiate with him to buy me a property, he laughed when I told him, but when I explained what the solicitor said he took me a bit more seriously. Since then he has been 'nice' and helping etc. etc. but it is no good, too much, too little, too late.
Anyway, he has gone out now - avoiding the issue - I am going to talk to him as soon as he gets back but then again Charlie finishes school at noon so makes it tricky - just how he wants it.
I am not going to do anything rash, I have put up with him for 12 years (gosh how could I have been so stupid) another few weeks/months won't do any harm, especially now I have 'seen the light as it were and won't play his silly games.
To makes things extra complicated we are not actually married and in France that makes a big difference, however, just because I am not legally entitled to stuff doesn't mean I am not morally entitled, the solicitor was quite positive about the situation.
Finally, at the end of the day, if I leave with nothing that is what it is, but I will explore every avenue to get what I rightfully deserve first. And I do know that the last thing he will want will be anyone official looking into his financial affairs, he manipulates them as badly as he manipulated me!
Thank you all so, so much.
So glad you have local friends and an escape plan, DD. Thinking of you this morning as you try to get him to face up to the issue.
Love and hugs xx
Just a quick update, don't want anyone worrying about me.
Had another conversation - I think he now realises that this is real and he has to do something. Wasn't a pleasant conversation but it was calm and factual. He did listen and hopefully now will make a plan.
Thanks again for all the support.
DD - believe me - you are NOT stupid. Don't ever think that you HAVE been. You're strong and tough, and , more importantly, you're kind and decent and have tried very hard to make your new life work. I have so much admiration for you.
Your financial situation is a bit like mine was, for reasons I can't go into, but it's better to be away even if you have nothing financially. Sounds like your solicitor is very able and will get a positive result for you. Mine did.
Hang on in there xxx
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
*hugs*