Granma, I'm glad this thread has helped you. It's understandable that you don't want to go to your Dad's grave. My sister couldn't go to our brother's, her twin, grave for years and years. But we are all so different and react in different ways. World would be a boring place if we were all the same. When my first OH died when I was 47 I used to go to his grave nearly every day. But I don't believe he was actually there, just his body. He had gone to wherever souls go (I like to think there is somewhere), if they do, after death.
Dordogne and Norfolk. Clay in Dordogne, sandy in Norfolk.
If I can be slightly unpleasant, whatever your religious bent or not, our bodies are just clever machines and it is the effect we have on people and the memories that we leave them with that matter. Not where our physical bits end up after death.
Everyone deals differently, some cry, some go quiet, some laugh. Are any of these people wrong? Not at all, losing someone is dreadful and no one should feel guilty for not being able to tend a grave afterwards be that for geographical reasons or emotional.
Do I think tending a grave is bad? No, not one iota. I just personally didn't want to.
If I can be slightly unpleasant, whatever your religious bent or not, our bodies are just clever machines and it is the effect we have on people and the memories that we leave them with that matter. Not where our physical bits end up after death.
Everyone deals differently, some cry, some go quiet, some laugh. Are any of these people wrong? Not at all, losing someone is dreadful and no one should feel guilty for not being able to tend a grave afterwards be that for geographical reasons or emotional.
Do I think tending a grave is bad? No, not one iota. I just personally didn't want to.
Absolutely agree Steve - 100%
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
I dont do guilt, never have never will, my idea is that if you did what you could for people when they were alive, then thats it. What is the point, you cant turn back time and do thing differently,
We see so much of this as gravediggers and headstonemakers/restorers, People beating themselves up over visiting and tending. What annoys me the most is great floods of tears and OTT wreaths when they never ever went near the person when they were alive. Or as Hosta mentioned, no visiters but church wants the headstone placed, Thats guilt!
The headstone thing is dying off though, (scuse pun) my OH does a 4 day week now, thank goodness, but as it goes over to cremations, so the work load is cut. Also a lot of younger, next generations just dont feel the need.
I was going to have my mums ashes just scattered on the garden of rememberance but someone sent me a gardens voucher for 25.00 as a treat and I have decided to put the ashes in the garden with a Daphne planted.
Gardening on the wild, windy west side of Dartmoor.
Steve, if I was as eloquent as you, they are the words I'd have used. Will try to remember them.
OH's brother died yesterday whilst on holiday in Germany. He was 67 and was feeling well the previous day. I really feel for my s.i.l who is amongst strangers (albeit very kind ones) but will return tomorrow to be met by her son.
Just to lighten the mood, my lateDad always said he wanted to be fed to the lions at Edinburgh Zoo. I pointed out that the keepers may not be thrilled about this and maybe his best chance was to hire a helicopter and do an accurate swallow dive, thus killing the proverbial two birds with one stone...
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Granma, I'm glad this thread has helped you. It's understandable that you don't want to go to your Dad's grave. My sister couldn't go to our brother's, her twin, grave for years and years. But we are all so different and react in different ways. World would be a boring place if we were all the same. When my first OH died when I was 47 I used to go to his grave nearly every day. But I don't believe he was actually there, just his body. He had gone to wherever souls go (I like to think there is somewhere), if they do, after death.
If I can be slightly unpleasant, whatever your religious bent or not, our bodies are just clever machines and it is the effect we have on people and the memories that we leave them with that matter. Not where our physical bits end up after death.
Everyone deals differently, some cry, some go quiet, some laugh. Are any of these people wrong? Not at all, losing someone is dreadful and no one should feel guilty for not being able to tend a grave afterwards be that for geographical reasons or emotional.
Do I think tending a grave is bad? No, not one iota. I just personally didn't want to.
Absolutely agree Steve - 100%
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
The hardest thing for me was the realisation that a living person had suddenly turned into a memory.
I don't stand in the bitter cold at gravesides I would find no comfort, I just think a lot and occasionally raise a toast
Thanks Gran
Agree with Steve completely.
I dont do guilt, never have never will, my idea is that if you did what you could for people when they were alive, then thats it. What is the point, you cant turn back time and do thing differently,
We see so much of this as gravediggers and headstonemakers/restorers, People beating themselves up over visiting and tending. What annoys me the most is great floods of tears and OTT wreaths when they never ever went near the person when they were alive. Or as Hosta mentioned, no visiters but church wants the headstone placed, Thats guilt!
The headstone thing is dying off though, (scuse pun) my OH does a 4 day week now, thank goodness, but as it goes over to cremations, so the work load is cut. Also a lot of younger, next generations just dont feel the need.
I was going to have my mums ashes just scattered on the garden of rememberance but someone sent me a gardens voucher for 25.00 as a treat and I have decided to put the ashes in the garden with a Daphne planted.
Steve, if I was as eloquent as you, they are the words I'd have used
. Will try to remember them.
OH's brother died yesterday whilst on holiday in Germany. He was 67 and was feeling well the previous day. I really feel for my s.i.l who is amongst strangers (albeit very kind ones) but will return tomorrow to be met by her son.
Lovely idea Lyn
Lesley hugs for you & your OH and the family.x Sorry to hear the shocking news. Hope all is okay as you've returned home from your parent's.
Lyn the Daphne will so thrive, and a lovely tribute, hugs to you.
That's not funny Steve - it may have killed a lion!
Thanks KEF. All's OK at Mum and Dad's atm. They love a good argument, it's what keeps them going
. I'm completely the opposite.