I do feel for you Lyn - the unwillingness to cooperate is (in so many ways) much more difficult to cope with than physical incapacity. It's so much worse if 'others' (thinking here of the medical team perhaps) start implying that dehydration etc etc is your fault for not making sure she drinks enough, gets enough exercise etc. I do hope they are being supportive and understanding that you cannot force feed her or force her out of bed.
I hope you also know that your friends on here understand your predicament and are only full of admiration for your hard work and caring.
Best wishes - hope today is an easier day
Heaven is ... sitting in the garden with a G&T and a cat while watching the sun go down
I went through hell when the OH was diagnosed with lung cancer. Seemed a lot of people quite close to me thought it was my fault he was as thin as a rake and looked ill.
He survived against the predictions of the doctors who gave him two weeks to live, that was 8 years ago. He can be very awkward at times though and like you Lyn I get very frustrated when I know he can do things but simply won't, making the whole situation worse.
I can't tell a grown man to get out of bed or when to have a bath like they are a child and of course I still love him. I feel so sad sometimes thinking back on how things use to be. I get by now, but my thoughts are with you Lyn. I know the mad days of rushing around like a loony trying to keep one's own life in order whilst also trying to keep a loved ones life complete and bearable at the same time.
Seems the old folks are all the same then? it does help to know that.
When I had to get the paramedics in for a few months ago, (Ithink I posted about it) but one of them had a real go at me for letting her dehydrate, He didnt get of lightly I may add! but its hurtful at the time when you are already worried about them, but as everyone says, you cant make them do anything.
Mum is up this morning, quite bright, but she only sits in an armchair, almost in a laying position, them she will retire to the lounge at 4.30 where she will lay on the settee, at 11pm she will go to bed, where she will lay till 10am tomorrow. I am sure if she walked about a bit she would clear her lungs and get the stoma working better.
I just said to her about and she says she cant walk about with the leg bag hanging down and she wont use the leg bands.
so she will sit all day and probably walk all of 20 yards in 24 hours!.
Rant over, thank you all so much I really do appreciate your help and encouragement, Fishy, keep it coming mate, any more compliments like that and my head will grow so big it will break
Gardening on the wild, windy west side of Dartmoor.
My Mum was in a home for the last couple of years - her choice. But at the end, when she felt she had had enough and wanted to join my Dad (she believed in heaven) she refused to eat and drink and no one could make her, so that is how she died, but it was her choice and peaceful at the end. Her lovely brother, who was 84, sat up all that night with her. She was 87.
Dordogne and Norfolk. Clay in Dordogne, sandy in Norfolk.
I had the same from a paramedic Lyn when my OH's arm swelled up like a balloon and he could hardly breath. The paramedic made me feel like it was entirely my fault, as if I should have somehow done something sooner.
That was the day the lung cancer was diagnosed - the tumour had grown large enough to block lymph returning from his arm and was making his breathing very difficult. This was after 8 visits to the GP, who insisted he only had asthma. Even getting him to go to the GP at all was hard enough and I had been begging him for weeks to go again and ask for chest X-rays.
The paramedics also had a go at me for not wanting to go in the ambulance with them. I was thinking he would need pajamas etc and as the hospital is over 25 miles away and I had no cash for a taxis, it would make more sense for me to drive over when I had my head together a bit more.
Have to thank all the hospital staff though, by the time I arrived at the hospital 20 minutes behind the ambulance they had the situation under control and a diagnosis within hours. Then he was in the hands of an excellent cancer care team.
I'm sure they don't mean to make us feel bad, but on top of the worry it can be pretty soul destroying to be made to feel you are not caring properly for them, especially when they won't help themselves.
Posts
((hugs))
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
Lyn - I'm so sorry. You have such a workload there, both physically and emotionally. You're an amazing woman, I hope you know that.
I do feel for you Lyn - the unwillingness to cooperate is (in so many ways) much more difficult to cope with than physical incapacity. It's so much worse if 'others' (thinking here of the medical team perhaps) start implying that dehydration etc etc is your fault for not making sure she drinks enough, gets enough exercise etc. I do hope they are being supportive and understanding that you cannot force feed her or force her out of bed.
I hope you also know that your friends on here understand your predicament and are only full of admiration for your hard work and caring.
Best wishes - hope today is an easier day
I went through hell when the OH was diagnosed with lung cancer. Seemed a lot of people quite close to me thought it was my fault he was as thin as a rake and looked ill.
He survived against the predictions of the doctors who gave him two weeks to live, that was 8 years ago. He can be very awkward at times though and like you Lyn I get very frustrated when I know he can do things but simply won't, making the whole situation worse.
I can't tell a grown man to get out of bed or when to have a bath like they are a child and of course I still love him. I feel so sad sometimes thinking back on how things use to be. I get by now, but my thoughts are with you Lyn. I know the mad days of rushing around like a loony trying to keep one's own life in order whilst also trying to keep a loved ones life complete and bearable at the same time.
Best wishes and big hugs to Lyn and Gemma, thinking of you both and wish I could help in some way. xx
Seems the old folks are all the same then? it does help to know that.
When I had to get the paramedics in for a few months ago, (Ithink I posted about it) but one of them had a real go at me for letting her dehydrate, He didnt get of lightly I may add! but its hurtful at the time when you are already worried about them, but as everyone says, you cant make them do anything.
Mum is up this morning, quite bright, but she only sits in an armchair, almost in a laying position, them she will retire to the lounge at 4.30 where she will lay on the settee, at 11pm she will go to bed, where she will lay till 10am tomorrow. I am sure if she walked about a bit she would clear her lungs and get the stoma working better.
I just said to her about and she says she cant walk about with the leg bag hanging down and she wont use the leg bands.
so she will sit all day and probably walk all of 20 yards in 24 hours!.
Rant over, thank you all so much I really do appreciate your help and encouragement, Fishy, keep it coming mate, any more compliments like that and my head will grow so big it will break
Oh Ln
I think you are a very strong woman but also feel you need a day R&R - is there no way you can get respit even for a day.
Have you contacted SS as regards an assessment - I feel it may give you some time,
Hugs
My Mum was in a home for the last couple of years - her choice. But at the end, when she felt she had had enough and wanted to join my Dad (she believed in heaven) she refused to eat and drink and no one could make her, so that is how she died, but it was her choice and peaceful at the end. Her lovely brother, who was 84, sat up all that night with her. She was 87.
I had the same from a paramedic Lyn when my OH's arm swelled up like a balloon and he could hardly breath. The paramedic made me feel like it was entirely my fault, as if I should have somehow done something sooner.
That was the day the lung cancer was diagnosed - the tumour had grown large enough to block lymph returning from his arm and was making his breathing very difficult. This was after 8 visits to the GP, who insisted he only had asthma. Even getting him to go to the GP at all was hard enough and I had been begging him for weeks to go again and ask for chest X-rays.
The paramedics also had a go at me for not wanting to go in the ambulance with them. I was thinking he would need pajamas etc and as the hospital is over 25 miles away and I had no cash for a taxis, it would make more sense for me to drive over when I had my head together a bit more.
Have to thank all the hospital staff though, by the time I arrived at the hospital 20 minutes behind the ambulance they had the situation under control and a diagnosis within hours. Then he was in the hands of an excellent cancer care team.
I'm sure they don't mean to make us feel bad, but on top of the worry it can be pretty soul destroying to be made to feel you are not caring properly for them, especially when they won't help themselves.