Verdun, my dad is the same. Wont eat, drinks little, wont use the walker and so falls. Ambulance has been out three times in the last week, they just get him up and back into bed. Then he tells the doctor that everything is ok. So nothing gets done. My mum is ready to pull her hair out, she gets no sleep because dad wont stay in bed at night, wont use night drainage bags, at the end of the day, he has had a good innings. If he wont help himself, and goes against all advice, there is nothing we can do. I am about to go on holiday, the other side of the world, I doubt he will last until I get back.
Fidget - thinking of you - ((hugs)) - doesn't seem enough, but can't find other words.
Verd - i so hope that your Mum settles - she has been through a lot of frightening things recently, and this is probably a reaction to them. Now she has some stability, hope she will start to relax. On the violence/aggression - my Aunt was one of the nicest people I know, and yet she got very aggressive for brief periods when she was ill - but could never remember any of it afterwards (and she didn't have dementia, so had a good recall of pretty much everything else).
My heart goes out to you all. And that Lyn gets good news soon too.
Oh dear Verdun ((hugs)) it's so tough isn't it? I hope you can sort things out.
Some weeks ago Ma lost her bottom dentures - we're pretty sure she wrapped them in tissues and put them in the bin in her bedroom. She's started doing that with things. All bins and bin bags were searched but no dentures. Then her brand new specs disappeared - she says she threw them in the bin because they were old. We got the optician to send another set. Now the top set of dentures have disappeared - again the place has been searched from top to bottom. We're wondering if she's flushed them
Ma's lack of mobility is such that she cannot get to the local dentist and she refuses to go in a wheelchair taxi as she says she'll be travel sick. There is a dentist who visits The Lovely Home from time to time so she'll have to see him and get some new teeth - but how long before she loses them?
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
This past few weeks I have done a lot of thinking,
From observing the comings and goings of my parents, I have come to the conclusion that the reason we beat ourselves uo over them is that we feel responsible because of all the care they gave to us.They will do what they want to do, and we feel so bad about it,but what can we do?
I feel like hitting a brick wall because they dont seem to want to do anything to help themselves, just how far can our responsiblilties go? No easy answers to this,I sometimes wonder if all this is just natures way of preparing us, we had 6 months of pure hell with MIL and when she died, of course she was missed, but we all agreed it was a blessing.
Gardening on the wild, windy west side of Dartmoor.
They have just said I can bring mum home tonight and she can go back for biopsy results later, now the fun begins. I need to learn the ins and outs of the catheter , dont suppose its as complicated as the stoma, they both rely on liquids to work!
Gardening on the wild, windy west side of Dartmoor.
After the mother in law was put on end of life care, and given three months to live, she was taken off all her medication, and rallied. Five years later , when she finally died at 90, we plan the first holiday in four years, and my dad is taken ill.
Thats a dilema FB, but that choice has to be yours, I wouldnt go, but it must be up to you, and if he died while you were away, you may never forgive yourself.
Gardening on the wild, windy west side of Dartmoor.
Lyn. you are going through such a stressful time at the moment. I'm glad you have had a chance to stand back and think what is happening. There's nothing you can do that they don't want you to do. Hugs.
Hugs for Verdun too. What a very difficult time you're having and I just keep thinking about how I could cope in your situation. (May not be too far away). Your Mum's wellbeing is your prime consideration and you are doing your very best for her.
Fidget, you are between a rock and a hard place. Only you can decide what is the right thing. We cancelled a holiday a few years ago when MIL suffered a stroke. We visited the hospital daily for six months during which time she rallied and failed. Such a rollercoaster but who would want to know the future unless it was rosy.
Posts
Verdun, my dad is the same. Wont eat, drinks little, wont use the walker and so falls. Ambulance has been out three times in the last week, they just get him up and back into bed. Then he tells the doctor that everything is ok. So nothing gets done. My mum is ready to pull her hair out, she gets no sleep because dad wont stay in bed at night, wont use night drainage bags, at the end of the day, he has had a good innings. If he wont help himself, and goes against all advice, there is nothing we can do. I am about to go on holiday, the other side of the world, I doubt he will last until I get back.
Fidget - thinking of you - ((hugs)) - doesn't seem enough, but can't find other words.
Verd - i so hope that your Mum settles - she has been through a lot of frightening things recently, and this is probably a reaction to them. Now she has some stability, hope she will start to relax. On the violence/aggression - my Aunt was one of the nicest people I know, and yet she got very aggressive for brief periods when she was ill - but could never remember any of it afterwards (and she didn't have dementia, so had a good recall of pretty much everything else).
My heart goes out to you all. And that Lyn gets good news soon too.
Oh dear Verdun ((hugs)) it's so tough isn't it? I hope you can sort things out.
Some weeks ago Ma lost her bottom dentures - we're pretty sure she wrapped them in tissues and put them in the bin in her bedroom. She's started doing that with things. All bins and bin bags were searched but no dentures. Then her brand new specs disappeared - she says she threw them in the bin because they were old. We got the optician to send another set. Now the top set of dentures have disappeared - again the place has been searched from top to bottom. We're wondering if she's flushed them
Ma's lack of mobility is such that she cannot get to the local dentist and she refuses to go in a wheelchair taxi as she says she'll be travel sick. There is a dentist who visits The Lovely Home from time to time so she'll have to see him and get some new teeth - but how long before she loses them?
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
This past few weeks I have done a lot of thinking,
From observing the comings and goings of my parents, I have come to the conclusion that the reason we beat ourselves uo over them is that we feel responsible because of all the care they gave to us.They will do what they want to do, and we feel so bad about it,but what can we do?
I feel like hitting a brick wall because they dont seem to want to do anything to help themselves, just how far can our responsiblilties go? No easy answers to this,I sometimes wonder if all this is just natures way of preparing us, we had 6 months of pure hell with MIL and when she died, of course she was missed, but we all agreed it was a blessing.
They have just said I can bring mum home tonight and she can go back for biopsy results later, now the fun begins. I need to learn the ins and outs of the catheter , dont suppose its as complicated as the stoma, they both rely on liquids to work!
I know what you mean, lyn.
After the mother in law was put on end of life care, and given three months to live, she was taken off all her medication, and rallied. Five years later , when she finally died at 90, we plan the first holiday in four years, and my dad is taken ill.
Do we go or do we stay?
Thats a dilema FB, but that choice has to be yours, I wouldnt go, but it must be up to you, and if he died while you were away, you may never forgive yourself.
Lyn. you are going through such a stressful time at the moment. I'm glad you have had a chance to stand back and think what is happening. There's nothing you can do that they don't want you to do. Hugs.
Hugs for Verdun too. What a very difficult time you're having and I just keep thinking about how I could cope in your situation. (May not be too far away). Your Mum's wellbeing is your prime consideration and you are doing your very best for her.
Fidget, you are between a rock and a hard place. Only you can decide what is the right thing. We cancelled a holiday a few years ago when MIL suffered a stroke. We visited the hospital daily for six months during which time she rallied and failed. Such a rollercoaster but who would want to know the future unless it was rosy.