Several years ago I made my will, sorted out some music I enjoy, found some readings I felt were appropriate for me, and put them in a shoe box. I told my daughter where the box was and also gave her a copy of my will. I then went through getting power of attorney made out for my health and finances, I had not realized they are two separate things, with my son and daughter named as executors. Now I have started decluttering. I have found decluttering the most difficult, memories are part of our makeup. When my close friend was diagnosed with terminal cancer I told her what I had started so she did the same, she practically emptied her house, and she even left a celebratory bottle of champagne in her fridge for her family to raise a glass. She also wrote a letter of thanks to her children and close friends which she gave to a minister which he read at her funeral service. It is not morbid to try and make life easier for one's family at a difficult time. It may be the ultimate action of being a control freak but after sorting things out, with my sister, when our Mother died, it would have been much easier if we had known what her wishes would have been. My children have told me hair-raising stories about friends of theirs trying to clear homes and sort out financial matters which can take years after next of kin have died. I have started my next charity pile, not much in it yet. A couple of pictures and two cotton cellular pram blankets bought for the dog in the summer, which he hates. I am enjoying following this thread because it cheers me up to know I am not alone in my efforts. Keep throwing out everyone, we will be able to pass on to the next whatever, knowing we have done our best.
Have some of you been inspired by this thread or have you been doing it anyway?
I'm forever reading and thinking about decluttering because I'm naturally messy and tend to collect stuff that I don't really care about. Somehow getting rid of it is the biggest barrier! I don't have a car so I find it a bit of a logistical challenge to take things to charity shops etc.
Good idea about planning what you want to happen when you die, saves whoever's left having to make the decisions. At some point I should do that. For myself I'm inclined to go for the cheapest direct cremation option, no service, no memorial, no fuss.
Doncaster, South Yorkshire. Soil type: sandy, well-drained
I'll leave the decision to my OH, because she will want something different to what I choose, but will feel obliged to go ahead with it anyhow - and be unhappy. There's no point us discussing it, because whatever she chooses now, she'll want changed at a later date. The only thing I have said I DO want, is a piece of music - Fanfare to the Common Man, by Aaron Copland. It always gives me a shiver!!
One of my late colleagues had "Always look on the bright side of life" playing as the coffin disappeared behind the curtains. It still makes me smile when l think of it.
We chatted, ages ago, about funerals etc and my OH wants 'no fuss' cremation but agreed a party, later, would be OK. As I am a bit of a hoarder I will probably keep his ashes on the mantlepiece! As for me I fancy a wicker casket buried with a tree on top. Party is mandatory. All our accounts are joint, and he has written down what to do about shutting his business (he's a technical author). Our Wills needs updating cos they were written when the children were younger and MIL was alive. Our children will have equal shares in the estate. They are all aware of this.
I declutter often but there isn't really much to get rid of I don't buy much at all and when I do buy something it's to replace something that broke. I do have a huge house and barn part of which is full of the previous owners clutter from the late 70's.
I just got divorced so that thinned out the house quite a bit and meant I had to go out and replace some things. It also means that now I need a will, but who to leave it to, I don't have any children or cousins which only really leaves charity or whatever person I'm with at the time, but I'm not sure you can write... I leave it to whoever is resident in my house at the time of death...
My new boyfriend has a hoarding problem, I've only seen the downstairs of his place and it's not pretty, he buys things to sell and then never gets round to selling them. So I see a lot of de cluttering coming up.
There is a well-known fact that whenever there is a death in a family it brings out the worst in people. So many families have arguments and fights over what they think they should have or want. Please do not think that your lovely families will not fall out over something when you have told them to divide everything equally. It rarely works out happily. When my mother remarried late in life, I nagged them to make new wills. Which they did, thank goodness. When her new husband died before her, she received a really nasty letter from his nephew who had been looking forward to inheriting his uncle's entire estate. The nephew had been left some money but he wanted all of the estate. A written will settled the argument because they had made mirror wills where whoever died first inherited everything except bequests. If you have particular wishes about what happens to your estate, large or small, or individual items, jewelry, pets, etc., it is really important to put it down in writing. Solicitors will always act as executors if you have no one named. Solicitors hold wills and property deeds safely at no charge. If you have no family to inherit, make it clear what you want to happen with your money etc., in writing, which should have two witnesses, it doesn't matter who. Neighbours, postman, Drs. receptionist. If you do not want anyone to know what you are planning just fold the paper so they cannot read it, they just have to see you sign the document and date it. You can always change your mind and write another version, as long as it is correctly signed dated.
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When my close friend was diagnosed with terminal cancer I told her what I had started so she did the same, she practically emptied her house, and she even left a celebratory bottle of champagne in her fridge for her family to raise a glass. She also wrote a letter of thanks to her children and close friends which she gave to a minister which he read at her funeral service.
It is not morbid to try and make life easier for one's family at a difficult time. It may be the ultimate action of being a control freak but after sorting things out, with my sister, when our Mother died, it would have been much easier if we had known what her wishes would have been. My children have told me hair-raising stories about friends of theirs trying to clear homes and sort out financial matters which can take years after next of kin have died.
I have started my next charity pile, not much in it yet. A couple of pictures and two cotton cellular pram blankets bought for the dog in the summer, which he hates. I am enjoying following this thread because it cheers me up to know I am not alone in my efforts.
Keep throwing out everyone, we will be able to pass on to the next whatever, knowing we have done our best.
I'm forever reading and thinking about decluttering because I'm naturally messy and tend to collect stuff that I don't really care about. Somehow getting rid of it is the biggest barrier! I don't have a car so I find it a bit of a logistical challenge to take things to charity shops etc.
There's no point us discussing it, because whatever she chooses now, she'll want changed at a later date.
The only thing I have said I DO want, is a piece of music - Fanfare to the Common Man, by Aaron Copland. It always gives me a shiver!!
It still makes me smile when l think of it.
When my mother remarried late in life, I nagged them to make new wills. Which they did, thank goodness. When her new husband died before her, she received a really nasty letter from his nephew who had been looking forward to inheriting his uncle's entire estate. The nephew had been left some money but he wanted all of the estate. A written will settled the argument because they had made mirror wills where whoever died first inherited everything except bequests.
If you have particular wishes about what happens to your estate, large or small, or individual items, jewelry, pets, etc., it is really important to put it down in writing. Solicitors will always act as executors if you have no one named. Solicitors hold wills and property deeds safely at no charge. If you have no family to inherit, make it clear what you want to happen with your money etc., in writing, which should have two witnesses, it doesn't matter who. Neighbours, postman, Drs. receptionist. If you do not want anyone to know what you are planning just fold the paper so they cannot read it, they just have to see you sign the document and date it. You can always change your mind and write another version, as long as it is correctly signed dated.
They forfeit anything left to them.
I know you probably meant anyone can sign a will as mentioned in your examples, is fine.... the Postman
But just in case anyone does not know or realize.
You are right, even families who seem perfectly sharing and caring can change.