I can see both sides of this [wedding dress] 2 or 3 weeks before my wedding, I got a phone call at work from fiance to say that if I didn't collect my dress by lunchtime that day I wouldn't get it at all, as the place had gone tits up and was closing. Locked doors. Game's a bogey. As it would have been awkward for him to go [we were still traditional enough to want to keep him from seeing it] I had to leave work and drive into Glasgow [Saturday ] or that was that. I can't remember what it cost [I also had to have alterations -fortunately that was no problem] and I then had to hide it from my fiance as we lived together. Trip to Mum and Dad We were able to have a laugh about it later though.
Having said that, the other side is that my daughters are unlikely to ever get married or have children [too many mental health problems] and I would have loved to help them have their day, so I can understand how major this sort of thing can become.
All I'd say is @debs64 - don't let it spoil the day, and try and have a laugh about it if you can.
It's a place where beautiful isn't enough of a word....
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
I do hope the dress shop can make good on their promise @debs64 . I do a bit of sewing myself and as far as I know the armholes in a sleeveless dress are often cut differently to those that are meant to have a sleeve set in, so I know where the dressmakers are coming from - putting in a fitted set-in sleeve probably wouldn't work. Maybe a little flutter cap sleeve would be possible (set between the bodice and facing in the upper 3/4 or so of the armhole without unpicking the whole armhole facing). I'd try that on a cheap top but I wouldn't dare with an expensive wedding dress.
Doncaster, South Yorkshire. Soil type: sandy, well-drained
If she wants a dress that makes her happy it doesn’t seem a lot to ask for and as her mother I want that for her.
Completely fair, but I think the point people are trying to make is that by the same token, if the dress is making her unhappy and causing additional stress, then it may be kind to try to help her to find some perspective. Which is not to say you don't kick up a huge fuss about being mis-sold a very expensive item, just do it out of her hearing if you can. (I would imagine the dress as it is is stunning, can you not convince her that she looks beautiful in it without alterations?) It's so important to focus on the things that make you happy, not the ones that make you sad, on your wedding day.
On the wider issue (i.e. not in any way saying this is the case for Debs' daughter), there must be countless examples of the marriage being compromised for the sake of the wedding. Debt and money worries are a major cause of unhappiness and divorce. Girls especially seem to be caught in this idea that a wedding is something you plan from your childhood and just hope that one day you'll find some guy willing to play along. We didn't borrow money to pay for our wedding. We largely paid for it ourselves, although my parents paid for the booze, and we adjusted the arrangements to suit our limited budget. We still had a fantastic, memorable day.
Gardening on the edge of Exmoor, in Devon
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
OH and I never got married - we spent what money we had on the deposit for our home (and we're still here, 34 years later). But I do understand that people invest a lot of emotional energy into their weddings and get very upset when something doesn't go as they'd planned it.
Doncaster, South Yorkshire. Soil type: sandy, well-drained
I suspect the structure of the bodice for a sleeveless wedding dress - lining, foundation piecing, top layer - would make it extremely difficult to add a normal sleeve without some unseemly seams and top stitching to attach it and make secure. I think using the extra lace as a wrap or shawl would be the easiest option. She should still feel good and be elegant and a shawl/wrap can be used again and bring back memories whereas sleeves are kind of stuck.
When we got married in the early 80s we had just bought a house with a 16% mortgage and no money to spare for a fancy wedding. I made my own dress (not a meringue) from silk bought at Liberty's and we had a civil ceremony just for family with a wedding dinner afterwards. When we got back from our honeymoon we had a big BBQ for all our friends. We had fun and didn't break the bank. The day itself pales into insignificance compared to everything we've experienced together in the subsequent 38 years.
Our nephew had a big wedding and came back from honeymoon announcing they were getting divorced.
Vendée - 20kms from Atlantic coast.
"The price good men (and women) pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men (and women)."
You are all right and compared to some this isn’t an expensive wedding as we are just an ordinary working class family. I had a cheap wedding and a very unhappy marriage. I am now happily unmarried to a lovely man. I wouldn’t spend the money on a dress for myself but it’s what she wants and the least I can do. They have not got into debt and have paid for most of the wedding themselves. We all have different priorities but it’s up to the individual isn’t it?
We are going back to dress shop today to see what can be done.
We paid for ours too @debs64. My dad paid for my sister's and wanted to do the same thing [in that traditional way ] for me, so we told him the reception was a fraction of the price it actually was, and he was happy with that.
The marriage didn't last, but my abiding memory of the day is the look on my Dad's face as he escorted me down the aisle. That's worth more than any money can buy. I hope your daughter can make some great memories
It's a place where beautiful isn't enough of a word....
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
Yes. Good luck at the dress shop and don't let them wriggle out. They should either add the sleeves as mentioned at purchase of give a refund/discount. A customer deserves value for money, the item they thought they were purchasing and which is fit for purpose as well as good service whatever the price and whatever their perceived class.
Whatever the outcome I hope your daughter has a lovely day and, more importantly, a good marriage.
Vendée - 20kms from Atlantic coast.
"The price good men (and women) pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men (and women)."
Everyone talks about how special weddings are but in reality they're more stress and cost than people expect. I don't think I've ever spoken to anyone who doesn't have bad memories of their wedding. As someone in the wedding trade said to me "It's all special until a family member insists you have to invite Uncle Dickhead, and there's always an Uncle Dickhead."
In our case I wanted to pay for everything ourselves so we didn't feel like we owed anyone anything and could set our own agenda. My wife decided to let her dad pay instead and he started complaining our small scale plans weren't the wedding he wanted. In the end we had to book a second party so he could invite all his friends and family but after planning it all and paying the deposits most of them decided they didn't want to come after all. Uncle Dickhead turned up though...
If you can keep your head, while those around you are losing theirs, you may not have grasped the seriousness of the situation.
Posts
2 or 3 weeks before my wedding, I got a phone call at work from fiance to say that if I didn't collect my dress by lunchtime that day I wouldn't get it at all, as the place had gone tits up and was closing. Locked doors. Game's a bogey.
As it would have been awkward for him to go [we were still traditional enough to want to keep him from seeing it] I had to leave work and drive into Glasgow [Saturday
I can't remember what it cost [I also had to have alterations -fortunately that was no problem] and I then had to hide it from my fiance as we lived together. Trip to Mum and Dad
We were able to have a laugh about it later though.
Having said that, the other side is that my daughters are unlikely to ever get married or have children [too many mental health problems] and I would have loved to help them have their day, so I can understand how major this sort of thing can become.
All I'd say is @debs64 - don't let it spoil the day, and try and have a laugh about it if you can.
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
On the wider issue (i.e. not in any way saying this is the case for Debs' daughter), there must be countless examples of the marriage being compromised for the sake of the wedding. Debt and money worries are a major cause of unhappiness and divorce. Girls especially seem to be caught in this idea that a wedding is something you plan from your childhood and just hope that one day you'll find some guy willing to play along. We didn't borrow money to pay for our wedding. We largely paid for it ourselves, although my parents paid for the booze, and we adjusted the arrangements to suit our limited budget. We still had a fantastic, memorable day.
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
When we got married in the early 80s we had just bought a house with a 16% mortgage and no money to spare for a fancy wedding. I made my own dress (not a meringue) from silk bought at Liberty's and we had a civil ceremony just for family with a wedding dinner afterwards. When we got back from our honeymoon we had a big BBQ for all our friends. We had fun and didn't break the bank. The day itself pales into insignificance compared to everything we've experienced together in the subsequent 38 years.
Our nephew had a big wedding and came back from honeymoon announcing they were getting divorced.
The marriage didn't last, but my abiding memory of the day is the look on my Dad's face as he escorted me down the aisle. That's worth more than any money can buy. I hope your daughter can make some great memories
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
Whatever the outcome I hope your daughter has a lovely day and, more importantly, a good marriage.