Smudgerii I know you're correct. I dont think I'm brave enough though, and I dont think he'll take us seriously. We both look very young, I'm slim and 5ft 1 and my husband as I say has aspergers so doesn't deal with confrontation. I have social anxiety and have been bullied in the past, so to be honest I'm scared to tackle him myself.
I feel for you, it must be very difficult to find yourself in this situation. This makes it all the more important to involve the police, explain you feel threatened and harassed by his actions, they are used to dealing with this kind of problem. They can make it an ‘informal’ discussion, but they will make it clear that a repeat will lead to further action.
Smudgerii I know you're correct. I dont think I'm brave enough though, and I dont think he'll take us seriously. We both look very young, I'm slim and 5ft 1 and my husband as I say has aspergers so doesn't deal with confrontation. I have social anxiety and have been bullied in the past, so to be honest I'm scared to tackle him myself.
Go to the police, criminal damage has been done, don't be fobbed off
I understand you not wanting to confront the neighbour yourself and it’s a pity you don’t have a burly “cousin” who could go round with you. It seems to me you have three options:
1. Do nothing. Let him win. I fear this will result in a constant erosion of your self esteem and will aggravate your health problems.
2. Move house. This will cost many thousands of £s but you want to build an extension and have a bigger house so maybe it is worth considering very seriously. But ... new baby, present house in disorder ... I totally understand your reluctance.
3. Involve the police. I think this is your best approach. In an earlier post I was counseling against this but you have since gone on to explain how much more damage this neighbour has done. Before going down this route I would try to speak to an estate agent or conveyancing solicitor to get a more precise idea of how much more difficult it will be to sell your house if the complaint is formalised. I would also want to know, from both the police and from a lawyer, what would be the next steps if an informal chat by a police officer has no effect. Will the crown prosecutors take the case up? Don’t escalate the situation without getting as clear an idea as possible about where it might go next.
Good luck; your situation is appalling and you surely have the good wishes of all on this forum behind you.
Which ever route you take you are going to have a lot of anxiety and stress. Sit down with your husband and make a list of your options and what each one will involve in time, energy and money and long term consequences to your health. There have been are a lot of helpful suggestions as to what steps you need to take. Everyone will have a different opinion on this situation depending on their character some of us are a turn the cheek sort, some will fight but in the end only you and your husband know which you are.
Thanks all. Normally we do turn the other cheek but I dont think it will be to our benefit this time. I'm waiting on the tree surgeon this morning for his opinion and awaiting our solicitor to get back to us should we involve the police. At this point though it is starting to look like the only option, we would only want an informal chat and hope it would not escalate anything. My next door neighbour whose trees are much higher than ours is actually a detective and we are on good terms, but I was unsure about involving him. I am police support staff too if that means anything.
Get networking! I have neighbours who are nurses, doctors, vets, barristers and renowned gardening experts. I do not call on them unless in the most exceptional of cases but your situation is exceptional. Get round to see your detective neighbour once you have spoken to the tree surgeon and tap into every available source of advice at work.
PS Is the detective burly? Might he visit with you not as a police officer but as a friend?
why not have an informal chat with your nice detective neighbour along the line of, " I'm not asking you to become involved, just point me in the right direction" kinda thing?
I was just a bit scared they wouldn't want involved In a dispute that's all. I'm still on maternity leave but due back (homeworking) from September. I'll do my best though and probably will have to approach them. I know they had a dispute with the neighbour the other side when they applied for planning for an extension. Their neighbours objected due to having less light in their garden, but the plans passed anyway. The neighbours that objected then moved out and put the house up for rent. This was all about 2008.
It sounds as if the neighbour is able to just walk into your garden from his and chop your trees? I know it can be pricey but would it be possible to put up a 2m fence? It might give you more peace of mind if he can't get in so easily.
Doncaster, South Yorkshire. Soil type: sandy, well-drained
Sorry hostafan, I didnt see your reply until now. I might do.. it's probably either that or just phone the police now who think. jenny j. I have been considering that too. I'm not sure if it's possible to erect a more distinct fence though where the boundary posts are due to the trees. The tree surgeon actually ended up being who we normally get and he agreed hat its definitely our tree and to phone the police too as he shouldn't have cut it.
Posts
1. Do nothing. Let him win. I fear this will result in a constant erosion of your self esteem and will aggravate your health problems.
2. Move house. This will cost many thousands of £s but you want to build an extension and have a bigger house so maybe it is worth considering very seriously. But ... new baby, present house in disorder ... I totally understand your reluctance.
3. Involve the police. I think this is your best approach. In an earlier post I was counseling against this but you have since gone on to explain how much more damage this neighbour has done. Before going down this route I would try to speak to an estate agent or conveyancing solicitor to get a more precise idea of how much more difficult it will be to sell your house if the complaint is formalised. I would also want to know, from both the police and from a lawyer, what would be the next steps if an informal chat by a police officer has no effect. Will the crown prosecutors take the case up? Don’t escalate the situation without getting as clear an idea as possible about where it might go next.
Good luck; your situation is appalling and you surely have the good wishes of all on this forum behind you.
Sit down with your husband and make a list of your options and what each one will involve in time, energy and money and long term consequences to your health. There have been are a lot of helpful suggestions as to what steps you need to take.
Everyone will have a different opinion on this situation depending on their character some of us are a turn the cheek sort, some will fight but in the end only you and your husband know which you are.