Hi pundoc, how are you doing today? Reading with interest, I wonder how you knew your Dad had been married before, and your sisters did not? I personally think secrets, always have a way of coming out, and eat away at people. Perhaps your Dad was married young,not for long didnt have a relationship with this son. My Hubbies Autnt had a baby 16, was wisked away to distant relatives, baby adopted, none of us knew anything about this. She didnt tell her first husband, she was married to for 20 years. we dont know why. She married her second husband 30 years ago, LUCKILY she told him, because a few years later the "baby" now in his 40s managed to contact her, she had moved abroad, it took a long time to find. Both these husbands are catholic, imagine what would have happened if the son HAD contacted her during the first marriage! Well, so, said son goes to meet her, they get on well, have been meeting up him taking his wife and sons on holiday to see her. He has desided he doesnt want HIS own sons to know she is his Mother, has desided to tell them when they are 18! Why!! Kids have a way of hearing stuff when you dont want them to, plus at 18, "Oh by the way, boys, you know that lady we go and see every year, well she is actually my birth Mother". I can imagine the sons will be furious, why extend the lie even further! My grankids Dad knew from the moment he could talk he, (and his brother) were adopted, as did this son. I worked with a woman a few years back, (so this wasnt the "dark" ages) My son went to school with hers, my youngest daughter sang in a choir with her youngest daughter. She was wetting herself, because she wasnt married to their Father, was worried they would find out, had kept this secret for 20 years! My kids always wanted to see (and laugh over) my first wedding pics, then there is an anniversary! She said she was worried what they would think of her, which was laugable, because she was in her 40s, and having an afair with a chap in his early 20s, who left his wife and small kids and set up home with her, 2 roads from where I lived, AND 4 roads from his wife and kids. But there we go.
All part of the tapestry of life! I like everything out in the open, so if it were me I would want to meet the half brother, have a good talk and then decide whether we liked each or not and carry on the relationship or not. If I liked him I would feel sad for the missed years though.
Looks a bit grey again today. I hope it stays dry enough to dry the washing. Two quiet days before we are off to our cottage in Norfolk! Looking forward to it. My sister and her OH will be coming to stay a couple of days.
Dordogne and Norfolk. Clay in Dordogne, sandy in Norfolk.
punkdoc - if it were me I'd be too curious to not meet him once, as BL says, but only if everyone else knows you're doing it and is OK with that. Secrets about secrets is never healthy in the long run. In the end the guy is a stranger to you and you don't owe him anything. Much is made of family and blood ties as if the fact that you are related to someone somehow automatically endows them with special status. Like Hosta though, I have close blood relations who are no family of mine. I also have a very few friends of such longstanding acquaintance that I consider them to be family, even though we are not related.
I shall be humming 'reelin' in the years' all day now...
Hope everyone's OK. I've been a bit pre-occupied, sorry . Even the garden is being neglected at the moment.
Raining here. Again
Gardening on the edge of Exmoor, in Devon
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
punkdoc....I have been reading about your 'discovery' and excuse me if I have missed something ...a question if I may , has your half brother made any attempt to contact you yet ? Maybe he does not know about you and other members of your family.
If not then just be aware that if unknown blood relatives try to make contact with someone they have discovered it usually means they want something , ranging from pure curiosity to help . They will have expectations and feelings as they have made the effort.
You need to think about your own expectations .....how would your contact be received ......how would you handle a rejection or refusal ? So much to think about and I wish you well whichever way you choose to go but you are under no obligation.
I come from a huge family ,GM on one side had 16 children and 4 on the other . Many members of the 100s all over the world have tried to do some ancestry digging ......some have found things they have regretted seeking out and others are very happy with the outcome
Posts
Hi pundoc, how are you doing today? Reading with interest, I wonder how you knew your Dad had been married before, and your sisters did not? I personally think secrets, always have a way of coming out, and eat away at people. Perhaps your Dad was married young,not for long didnt have a relationship with this son. My Hubbies Autnt had a baby 16, was wisked away to distant relatives, baby adopted, none of us knew anything about this. She didnt tell her first husband, she was married to for 20 years. we dont know why. She married her second husband 30 years ago, LUCKILY she told him, because a few years later the "baby" now in his 40s managed to contact her, she had moved abroad, it took a long time to find. Both these husbands are catholic, imagine what would have happened if the son HAD contacted her during the first marriage! Well, so, said son goes to meet her, they get on well, have been meeting up him taking his wife and sons on holiday to see her. He has desided he doesnt want HIS own sons to know she is his Mother, has desided to tell them when they are 18! Why!! Kids have a way of hearing stuff when you dont want them to, plus at 18, "Oh by the way, boys, you know that lady we go and see every year, well she is actually my birth Mother". I can imagine the sons will be furious, why extend the lie even further! My grankids Dad knew from the moment he could talk he, (and his brother) were adopted, as did this son. I worked with a woman a few years back, (so this wasnt the "dark" ages) My son went to school with hers, my youngest daughter sang in a choir with her youngest daughter. She was wetting herself, because she wasnt married to their Father, was worried they would find out, had kept this secret for 20 years! My kids always wanted to see (and laugh over) my first wedding pics, then there is an anniversary! She said she was worried what they would think of her, which was laugable, because she was in her 40s, and having an afair with a chap in his early 20s, who left his wife and small kids and set up home with her, 2 roads from where I lived, AND 4 roads from his wife and kids. But there we go.
All part of the tapestry of life! I like everything out in the open, so if it were me I would want to meet the half brother, have a good talk and then decide whether we liked each or not and carry on the relationship or not. If I liked him I would feel sad for the missed years though.
Looks a bit grey again today. I hope it stays dry enough to dry the washing. Two quiet days before we are off to our cottage in Norfolk! Looking forward to it. My sister and her OH will be coming to stay a couple of days.
tsk @ disappearing posts. ggrrrr.
Try again.
Morning all.
Punkdoc, as others have said, " make the decision which is best for you"
I have 2 brothers with whom I have no contact whatsoever, so maybe I'm not the best to give advice on this matter.
Another hideous night here. I think it was around 5am before I fell asleep.
Good morning all , families always complicated
A friend has just started walking the Pligrims way from Frances to Northern Way to Santimago Costello , 5 / 6 weeks of hard slog
Raining ☔️ heavy at moment
Keep safe
Hi all.
Thank you so much for your input, much appreciated and I am sure helpful, as I try to move forward.
Relieved this morning to find that the world had not ended, yet.
When you don't even know who's in the team
S.Yorkshire/Derbyshire border
GWRS. Someone I know did that last year. Damn near killed him!!!!!
Shouldn't laugh.
PP , my friend is doing a Blog of his journey and he did say there where Vultures flying around ! Obviously they feed on fallen Pilgrims
PP
punkdoc - if it were me I'd be too curious to not meet him once, as BL says, but only if everyone else knows you're doing it and is OK with that. Secrets about secrets is never healthy in the long run. In the end the guy is a stranger to you and you don't owe him anything. Much is made of family and blood ties as if the fact that you are related to someone somehow automatically endows them with special status. Like Hosta though, I have close blood relations who are no family of mine. I also have a very few friends of such longstanding acquaintance that I consider them to be family, even though we are not related.
I shall be humming 'reelin' in the years' all day now...
Hope everyone's OK. I've been a bit pre-occupied, sorry
. Even the garden is being neglected at the moment.
Raining here. Again
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
I agree with raisingirl. Being related to someone does not necessarily mean you have anything other than that in common.
You might get on like a house on fire, you might hate each other.
Your choice, but I hope you're happy.
punkdoc....I have been reading about your 'discovery' and excuse me if I have missed something ...a question if I may , has your half brother made any attempt to contact you yet ? Maybe he does not know about you and other members of your family.
If not then just be aware that if unknown blood relatives try to make contact with someone they have discovered it usually means they want something , ranging from pure curiosity to help . They will have expectations and feelings as they have made the effort.
You need to think about your own expectations .....how would your contact be received ......how would you handle a rejection or refusal ? So much to think about and I wish you well whichever way you choose to go but you are under no obligation.
I come from a huge family ,GM on one side had 16 children and 4 on the other . Many members of the 100s all over the world have tried to do some ancestry digging ......some have found things they have regretted seeking out and others are very happy with the outcome