I agree with you Kef. I know we are all different and it must be very sad if your loved one doesn't recognise you but I could never live with myself if I hadn't seen my mum or dad as often as I did. And there were some members of our family that didn't visit that often and now really regret it, but its too late now and they feel very guilty but we can't turn the clock back......if only we could. But luckily mine always knew me. My dad wasn't in a care home but my mum was. I used to go a few times a week and always found it very sad that some men/women never had a visitor. But we are all different and don't know everyones circumstances.
Hugs Punkdoc, you are doing so much for your mum, take care. xx
I know a person with Alzheimer's who went through a phase of being very distressed (crying and calling out for help) at being repeatedly visited by 'a strange man who keeps wanting to talk to me'. This was her son who she didn't recognise at all; it was very difficult for him. She was upset as she was 'waiting for her Daddy to fetch her' and he'd always told her 'not to talk to strangers'.
She seems to have passed through that phase and is now only too eager to talk to any man who crosses her path - Ma is getting very jealous as the lady keeps trying to hold Pa's hand in the dining room.
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
DFA, In the early days Joan would be sitting with her coat on at eleven o clock at night saying can we go home now, I discovered a gentle patience I never knew I had as I explained we have lived her for 25 years, I have no idea where she thought home was. Then I could not get her to come out of the bedroom until they had all gone. All who? those people in the back room I do not know who they are can you get them to go. There were only the two of us in the house. It lasted nearly seven years, she died three and a half years ago not knowing who I was, the hurt is terrible, you end up in shock and I could never talk about it until recently. Having to fill in a paper on my status and for the first time writing widower, it was a shock to the system. With the latest information it seems we were doing all the right things, the old pictures on the walls and table, the musical video's she loved and the music. talking about the past, the grandchildren helped as her attitude turned to one of love and care when they were with us, they would sit with her an arm round her neck and Joan would perk up only to sink back when they left.
The family rallied around though gradually we all became strangers to her, it is horrible, I ask why Joan and now so many people are having to cope, my heart goes out to them.
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I agree with you Kef. I know we are all different and it must be very sad if your loved one doesn't recognise you but I could never live with myself if I hadn't seen my mum or dad as often as I did. And there were some members of our family that didn't visit that often and now really regret it, but its too late now and they feel very guilty but we can't turn the clock back......if only we could. But luckily mine always knew me. My dad wasn't in a care home but my mum was. I used to go a few times a week and always found it very sad that some men/women never had a visitor. But we are all different and don't know everyones circumstances.
Hugs Punkdoc, you are doing so much for your mum, take care. xx
I know a person with Alzheimer's who went through a phase of being very distressed (crying and calling out for help) at being repeatedly visited by 'a strange man who keeps wanting to talk to me'. This was her son who she didn't recognise at all; it was very difficult for him. She was upset as she was 'waiting for her Daddy to fetch her' and he'd always told her 'not to talk to strangers'.
She seems to have passed through that phase and is now only too eager to talk to any man who crosses her path - Ma is getting very jealous as the lady keeps trying to hold Pa's hand in the dining room.
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
Oh Dove thats sad, must be very upsetting for all concerned.
Bless your mum, hugs and best wishes x
I could continue about ways that could have helped the lady & son but won't, think I've already said plenty about dementia.
Do want to say that I hope Dove's Pa doesn't get into bother from Ma about the hand holding attempts
Pdoc, hugs for you. Lily same for you for past times.
KEF ((hugs)) they did have some specialist help and visits are managed differently and better now - but she still doesn't know who he is
Ma does get a bit stroppy with her, but fortunately she's not accused Pa of encouraging the hand holding .... yet
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
Real life is never black and white. We have to do the best we can in any given circumstance. Love and hugs to all.
DFA, In the early days Joan would be sitting with her coat on at eleven o clock at night saying can we go home now, I discovered a gentle patience I never knew I had as I explained we have lived her for 25 years, I have no idea where she thought home was. Then I could not get her to come out of the bedroom until they had all gone. All who? those people in the back room I do not know who they are can you get them to go. There were only the two of us in the house. It lasted nearly seven years, she died three and a half years ago not knowing who I was, the hurt is terrible, you end up in shock and I could never talk about it until recently. Having to fill in a paper on my status and for the first time writing widower, it was a shock to the system. With the latest information it seems we were doing all the right things, the old pictures on the walls and table, the musical video's she loved and the music. talking about the past, the grandchildren helped as her attitude turned to one of love and care when they were with us, they would sit with her an arm round her neck and Joan would perk up only to sink back when they left.
The family rallied around though gradually we all became strangers to her, it is horrible, I ask why Joan and now so many people are having to cope, my heart goes out to them.
Frank.
Love and hugs Frank x
Kef, I just want to say a very big thank you for starting this thread. I know it has helped me in lots of ways. I'm sure it has helped others too.
Very best wishes Kef, many thanks, love and hugs xx
Frank, that is a deeply moving post. I think that you appear to have coped remarkably well.
Hope your friend starts to improve SGL.
When you don't even know who's in the team
S.Yorkshire/Derbyshire border