@WonkyWomble OH had a stay at home mother while he was at school and a sister but still does his share of cleaning, all the ironing, any vaccuum cleaning involving a Dyson and loading and emptying of the dishwasher as needed.
Sounds like you need to sit down and agree who will do which jobs each day so you can bothhave time for your work and some rest so pen, paper, lists and days. If necessary, go on strike and leave the cooking, washing up, cleaning, laundry etc to pile up till he notices.
Vendée - 20kms from Atlantic coast.
"The price good men (and women) pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men (and women)."
I know my daughters and young workmates have blue jobs and pink jobs and the men pull their weight. In these days when women are working as often as men household chores are divided more equally but some people will always take advantage of the kindness of others. Maybe time to put your foot down if it’s making you unhappy @WonkyWomble
It's never possible to legislate other people's relationships - we all find our own balance that works for us. Clearly, Wonky's is off kilter but that seems to be a Christmas thing, not necessarily a general one. Finding a different way to 'do' Christmas is manageable, unpicking a whole marriage and reassigning roles is a hiding to nothing, IME. Which isn't to say I don't sometimes have an exasperated outburst about something trivial, but that's just venting - I know there won't be a fundamental change. He does what he does, I do what I do, if it wasn't OK I'd have to change the marriage, not the man - that never 'holds'.
Gardening on the edge of Exmoor, in Devon
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
They can be enlightened @raisingirl. When we were first married and both working long hours he'd disappear to rugby practice one evening a week and all day on Saturdays and come back late and not entirely sober. I would spend my Saturday doing the cleaning and gardening till I woke up one day and told him that wasn't working for me. He then reduced rugby socialising to one late pass a month so we could have a shared social life and we did the cleaning together on Sundays.
Now we're retired and still share the cleaning as well as the gardening and he still does all the ironing whilst I do all the cooking.
Vendée - 20kms from Atlantic coast.
"The price good men (and women) pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men (and women)."
Even though I don't mind ironing, I stopped doing OH's ironing many years ago when I found his ironed clothes back in the dirty laundry basket because he couldn't be bothered to put them in the drawers . He wears creased clothes. As he rarely looks in the mirror, I doubt he notices.
@B3 When I acquired OH he was already ironing all his shirts for work as suits and ties were a requirement. I just improved his technique a bit and he started ironing all my stuff too and now he does it while watching endless golf or cricket or some such on TV. He doesn't like being creased and crumpled.
Vendée - 20kms from Atlantic coast.
"The price good men (and women) pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men (and women)."
Day to day he does tidy and hoover the living spaces that he uses but the washing up, cooking, shopping, bins, bathroom.... The ones that need time.... Those are all mine.
This was a real issue when I was working fifty hours a week, which was ten more than him. Which is why I decided to go self employed. The issue now is just at Christmas as I don't get paid holiday so only get a couple of days which is spent shopping, prepping, cleaning, cooking, and repeat. I go back to work for a rest!! Next year I'm doing Christmas day only.... Anything else someone else will be catering!!
I still think he should help @WonkyWomble, even if it's just washing up after you as you go thru all the prep and not just at Xmas, for any meal involving family and/or friends.
Vendée - 20kms from Atlantic coast.
"The price good men (and women) pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men (and women)."
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Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
I play with plants and soil and sometimes it's successful
Sounds like you need to sit down and agree who will do which jobs each day so you can bothhave time for your work and some rest so pen, paper, lists and days. If necessary, go on strike and leave the cooking, washing up, cleaning, laundry etc to pile up till he notices.
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
Now we're retired and still share the cleaning as well as the gardening and he still does all the ironing whilst I do all the cooking.
This was a real issue when I was working fifty hours a week, which was ten more than him.
Which is why I decided to go self employed. The issue now is just at Christmas as I don't get paid holiday so only get a couple of days which is spent shopping, prepping, cleaning, cooking, and repeat. I go back to work for a rest!!
Next year I'm doing Christmas day only.... Anything else someone else will be catering!!