I have worries about anyone being led into something they don't really want, just to conform with the norm, or peer group, or peer pressure. An 11 year old announcing she is pansexual would imply to me there has been a great deal of discussion about this at school or elsewhere. At 11 I would have said I was asexual. I had male and female friends I palled around with, went swimming with etc. I think the important thing is that it is emphasised that they should never do something they are uncomfortable with, at the behest of someone else, just to fit in with a group. Encourage children to explore all possibilities and plough their own furrow, at their own rate. Ignore the "but so and so /everyone else does" argument. If you don't like the situation you are in, walk away. I was encouraged along the line of , If they won't take No for an answer, knee them in the nuts and run. Get in a taxi home and my parents would sort the bill out when I got home.
I think it's the teens that demand it, the parents give consent... in this Covid age I understand referrals to Gender Clinics can now take 3-4 years, just for the first appointment, by which time puberty is well underway.. hence so many self medicate if they can get hold of it.. this is unregulated and risky, but what these children will tell you, I'm talking about the male to female patients, is that, they do not want to turn out like Caitlyn Jenner, Rachel Levine or Eddie Izzard... you'd have to be p.c. in the extreme to regard any of these late onset transgender as 'women'.. they may get offered polite respect, not wishing to offend.. but..
We have a similar situation with our 10 year old granddaughter. Never a "girlie "girl,never liked pink like most little girls, has been wearing boys clothes, including pants and shoes, for at least 3/4 years. A very sporty child who would never play with dolls but prefers cars and lego.
We just accept that this is how the child is but I certainly won't be encouraging any life altering decisions to be made at such a young age.
So far there have been no problems at school (Catholic primary) and even the parish priest seems to accept it.
I must confess I find the non gender pronouns difficult but it is mostly ignored when I get it wrong.
Suesyn, she sounds like what I have always known as a 'Tomboy'. Loads of girls don't do the 'normal' girlie things but it doesn't mean they on the way to a gender change.
I'm not experienced or qualified to comment on dealing with a transgender child, but what I will say is, think about the rules, restrictions etc that you apply. Are they because your child is female, or simply because they're a child? If the former, maybe have a think about whether those restrictions are really necessary, and if the latter, make sure your child understands that they would apply whether they're a girl or a boy.
And I apologise for the someone clumsy wording, I'm trying to use non-gender-specific wording and I don't think I'm very good at it Good luck with the medical appointment.
Doncaster, South Yorkshire. Soil type: sandy, well-drained
Suesyn, that sounds exactly like me. I hate pink. I still wear trousers unless a very special occasion demands a dress. I did get mistaken for a boy once, I had my hood up on my anorak and got given a key for the boys lockers at the swimming pool. Generally I would say I have never been "normal" but I go my own way. No point trying to please everyone, so please yourself. It never entered my head to change sex, and the only person I knew that did have the operation to change from male to female (in Thailand) had horrendous complications, heavy duty medication for the pain, and eventually headed toward stopping the hormones and ending up in a limbo, neither situation was very happy.
My worry is that in some cases, we are going backwards in terms of rigid gender roles/stereotypes. There seems to be some feeling that if a boy likes pink and dolls and dresses, he is really a girl. Can't he just be a feminine boy? And vice versa for girls. I think some people feel uncomfortable with the idea of a boy playing with dolls, and for them, it's easier to accept that he's really a girl in the wrong body (again, vice versa, girls with cars, etc...). Also, homosexuality comes into play. There is still quite a bit of prejudice around same-sex attraction, so again it feels more comfortable to say, 'no I'm not gay...I'm just in the wrong body. I'm actually straight', if you get my meaning. With female -> male transition, another component that comes into play is feeling uncomfortable in a developing female body, and the many ways in which girls are treated unequally compared to their male counterparts. Girls become objects of sexual interest by men and boys, and this is understandably very uncomfortable. Boys by comparison have much more freedom. Girls are bound by so many rules. Becoming a boy could look very attractive, especially for a tomboy/butch girl who is same-sex attracted. I can see the appeal of turning into a male for them, but really, isn't the problem the way girls are treated?
Speaking as a now grown up tomboy, there is a world of difference between refusing to play by the rules when it comes to what is considered suitable for girls to do/say/dress and wanting to be a boy. As has been said, there's a great deal of confusion and overlap between the gender and the sexual elements of the question. A lot of people take quite a long time to figure out who they really love.
Gardening on the edge of Exmoor, in Devon
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
Another grown up tomboy here. Never wore pink, hated dolls, hated the restricted opportunities for girls in the 50s / 60s. Wanted to be a pilot or a scientist, but didn’t stop me fancying only boys. It seems to me that girls are under even more pressure now to conform to an exaggerated female stereotype, all false eyelash and pouty lips if the selfies are anything to go by. Does that leave the ‘normal’ girls, like I’m sure I was, confused about where they fit into the spectrum? Just my own thoughts, I have very little knowledge or experience in this area.
Posts
Instead, young M to F transitioners want to look like the early onset, puberty blocked Kim Petras..
https://www.celebritynetworth.com/richest-celebrities/singers/kim-petras-net-worth/
...can you blame them?..
We just accept that this is how the child is but I certainly won't be encouraging any life altering decisions to be made at such a young age.
So far there have been no problems at school (Catholic primary) and even the parish priest seems to accept it.
I must confess I find the non gender pronouns difficult but it is mostly ignored when I get it wrong.
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
Just my own thoughts, I have very little knowledge or experience in this area.