Punkdoc, sounds like your sister is maybe taking her guilt feelings out on you. Doesn’t help anyone in the long run, so hopefully you can just ignore her till she gets over it. Is there someone directly involved in your mother’s care, who can explain to your sister why this decision has been made. Less emotive coming from a non relative? Stay strong, so sorry for you at this sad time.
Love and sympathy Punkdoc,have seen families in your situation.amputation is a last resort in any case,of you are young and strong, families eh,we haven't spoken to my husbands mother, brothers,sister for 12 years.I notice every year more of his cousins stop the Christmas cards, pretty sure they've been nobbled,but no one has bothered to ask our side of the story
SO, [ never start a sentence with so ], what do you do about families?
My middle sister, who has not had much to do with helping Mum in the last year, has informed me via email / letter long telephone rant, that I was totally wrong to deny my Mum the amputation, that might save her life.
She now wants nothing to do with me, and is trying to find out whether she can sue me.
So I work in palliative care and I see this fairly regularly. Family members who have had little to no dealings with their relatives suddenly pop up out of the wood work when things are going poorly. Like others have said it is almost certainly coming from a place of guilt and shame; for not being around enough, not being there for her/you at this time, for things that happened 20 - 30 - 40 years ago. Sadly these types of reaction often leave massive scars in future relationships and there's likely nothing you can say to bring her round My heart goes out to you.
If you are your Mum's LPA or even appointed NOK, I doubt there is anything she could do. This would unlikely have been (sorry to say) a decision that Drs would have reversed (even though I remember you saying a surgeon did offer it, in reality even the most oblivious surgeon is quite aware that those with frailty and other underlying medical conditions would struggle with such a massive operation, let alone the rehab and quality of life after).
FWIW, personally, and in a totally non-professional context, what you have done for your mum is the kindest and most appropriate thing. Before I started in this role I worked with older adults who'd had hip replacements and whilst a totally different ballpark to an amputation, for those who didn't have their cognition any more or who had underlying conditions trying to rehab them was absolutely awful for all parties involved and very often didn't work.
Hugs from me too Punkdoc, but as you say, you want to put it all behind you now. You know we all support you.
This morning is a repeat of yesterday, weather wise. Clear and cold. The weather channel gives a 3 week rain map every day, and ours has been yellow, as opposed to blue, for several weeks past, as well as our next three weeks to come. 🙄. Just as well my garden is used to not getting any rain. The autumn foliage is still lovely. No wonder it’s my favourite time of year. Spring is pretty with blossom, but invariably is accompanied by lots of windy days, so the blossoms don’t stay on very long.
Hi, my Mum had an awful condition from lack of movement , lying in a care home bed 24/7. Her leg was completely seized up and locked 90 degrees. Can't remember the medical terminology but it ends ..cation i think. Anyway, every visit i made, i used to ask ..hi Mum, where's your leg today (she was very posh)..."Up my bloody arse!" How it made me laugh. Ended up killing her i suspect from a clot as she popped away in front of me in an instant. Listened to the Duke's funeral this afternoon, the music brought me to tears, hugs to our Queen x
A bit overcast this morning but maybe it will brighten later. Had a quick mooch out the back already looking for any damage, destruction or deposits
Nothing new to report but there was an overnight spot of excavation in my strawberry/rhubarb patch one night last week. Half a dozen holes/scrapes in total. Any guesses as to the culprit? I'm thinking hedgehog but that's a wild guess based on zero knowledge
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Stay strong, so sorry for you at this sad time.
If you are your Mum's LPA or even appointed NOK, I doubt there is anything she could do. This would unlikely have been (sorry to say) a decision that Drs would have reversed (even though I remember you saying a surgeon did offer it, in reality even the most oblivious surgeon is quite aware that those with frailty and other underlying medical conditions would struggle with such a massive operation, let alone the rehab and quality of life after).
FWIW, personally, and in a totally non-professional context, what you have done for your mum is the kindest and most appropriate thing. Before I started in this role I worked with older adults who'd had hip replacements and whilst a totally different ballpark to an amputation, for those who didn't have their cognition any more or who had underlying conditions trying to rehab them was absolutely awful for all parties involved and very often didn't work.
Not really feeling like talking, but I am incredibly grateful for the friendship of you all on here.
When you don't even know who's in the team
S.Yorkshire/Derbyshire border
thinking of you and Moira, your mum, and all who care for her xx
night night all
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
This morning is a repeat of yesterday, weather wise. Clear and cold. The weather channel gives a 3 week rain map every day, and ours has been yellow, as opposed to blue, for several weeks past, as well as our next three weeks to come. 🙄. Just as well my garden is used to not getting any rain. The autumn foliage is still lovely. No wonder it’s my favourite time of year. Spring is pretty with blossom, but invariably is accompanied by lots of windy days, so the blossoms don’t stay on very long.
A bit overcast this morning but maybe it will brighten later. Had a quick mooch out the back already looking for any damage, destruction or deposits
Nothing new to report but there was an overnight spot of excavation in my strawberry/rhubarb patch one night last week. Half a dozen holes/scrapes in total. Any guesses as to the culprit? I'm thinking hedgehog but that's a wild guess based on zero knowledge