I would say the lipstick is more of a psychological marker for when we go to "face" the outside world. It can be useful to have rituals for a changing of place. I find it entirely necessary to have a shower before going out, whether I need one or not. It helps get my brain into a different gear - to choose different clothes and comb my hair. I choose 'out' clothing. I have worn earrings most days when 'out' since I was 12. Why earrings? It is a small part of marking the change to my brain of going into my 'outside' persona.
During the outbreak I have been visiting neighbours more in slippers and occassionally a dressing gown, on the street. But I don't like it. I prefer to go out ready for anything - ready to break up a fight or help with planting or have a cup of tea with a friend. So my 'outside' rituals (such as they are) help me with that change of mental space.
We each have a self image - what we think we look like - and that is often contingent on some artificial thing - lipstick or mascara are common for women - but also scarves, jewellery, a watch, a hat and all are as common for men as for women. Men are as prone to the hair dye thing as women too, IME. It isn't really about what you want others to see, it's about catching a sight of your reflection and recognising (or not) the person there as yourself. Aging is difficult because that picture keeps changing and we're mentally not all that flexible. But some people's self image is actually more tied to behaviour than appearance and they are the ones less hung up on grey hairs and wrinkles. They still have a self image though, just a rather more complex one.
We've chosen to live in relative isolation here so it's felt a bit like everyone else is having to live the life that we sought out. It's reinforced for us that we're happy with our choice because a) we've barely noticed the difference and b) we struggle a bit to see what everyone seems to find so hard and restrictive about it. Had this happened when my parents were still alive it may have been different but even that, I'm not so sure.
What it has changed is work - the assumption that I can only do the work I do if I regularly go to the city has gone right out of the window. I am very hopeful that I won't have to get back on a train this year.
I'm definitely not self sufficient though - not enough rain during the growing season so my plants are clinging to survival rather than producing masses of food at the moment.
I've managed to keep making bread right through, with some deviations into spelt bread, white bread and other variations based on what sort of flour I could get. Still haven't got back to all the usual things but I do now have some wholemeal flour in the cupboard.
Gardening on the edge of Exmoor, in Devon
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
I understand ritual - that chameleon thing we all have that helps us split our lives into manageable chunks. Me the office worker, me the sportsman (ok, not quite), me the father, husband. For me, the drive to/from the office split my work from home - and changing out of the 'work' clothes into my 'slobby' clothes - get all that.
But I still see a conflation of two different things with women - the acceptable/respectable and attractive confusion. And I'm the same - never go out without washing my hair and showering and
wouldn't dream of wearing my 'slobby clothes' outside the precincts of
my house and garden - even if it was just to nip up the post box and
post a letter. But I don't have a ritual other than that.
1. Yep well all judge - and we judge on our perception as the beholder not the beholden - so how do you know how or why people are judging you unless they actually communicate that to you? You may think you look 'respectable' with lippy on, but others don't. How would you know? Surely - all your doing is projecting your version of 'respectable' onto others?
2. Who read natural as wanton? I think I must have lead a very sheltered male life. I would have thought it was the other way - the more (obvious) 'slap' the more tarty? Is that not the case? The painted woman - isn't that the phrase?
Yes, I agree. Everyone should be free to wear what we like - clothes, adornments etc. But 'society' (which is partly adopted fashion) says what's appropriate wear (as they dictate which fork to use as well) - ok and I know my Doctor's white coat bit was ripped to pieces - but dress is part of an ever changing ritual. As Fire says - there's a demarcation indicated by apparel and how you make yourself appear. But that changes. I'm in tech - and tech has changed dramatically, and I went for an interview a fair few years back - and the previous time I had gone for an interview was decades before - so I turned up in suit to an interview conducted by someone in jeans and t-shirt. Hmmmmm. Blew that one then.
If I would guess at why my wife wore lippy I would say the obvious. It seems to be a human thing (a living thing thing?) to be attractive. So, she put on the quickest and easiest thing that made her feel attractive - which gave her a good feeling - as it does most people. But is that me projecting on her?
As I said ... it changes not just from age to age but from culture to culture ... and that’s not just obvious cultural differences based on ethnicity and religion; it can change as you move from rural to urban, through different types of education through different work environments etc.
Some folk are adept at perceiving and understanding the subtle differences in meaning ... some less so.
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
Some people find it acceptable to go to the local shops in dressing gown and slippers but would balk at visiting the main supermarket in such attire. Seeing as it's my only trip out, I make a little effort to get out of my gardening rags to visit Sainsbury's. Wearing a necklace or perfume seems a bit over the top in these circumstances,though. I once saw a programme on tv about young ladies from north of Watford who would go shopping on a Saturday for clothes to wear out that night , their heads bristling with rollers as they browsed the delights of Primark et al😯
If I would guess at why my wife wore lippy I would say the obvious. It seems to be a human thing (a living thing thing?) to be attractive. So, she put on the quickest and easiest thing that made her feel attractive - which gave her a good feeling - as it does most people. But is that me projecting on her?
I've been both conventionally attractive and unattractive at times in my adult life.
Let me tell you, its a completely different world for an attractive woman than an unattractive one! The difference in the way people treat you is insane, and not just men, everybody. Its not even conscious either a lot of the time, but people are just programmed to respond differently.
When I was 25 and a size 10 I never had to carry anything very far. Doors opened magically for me. I met friendly faces everywhere I went (and a fair bit of harassment which was less pleasant). Now that I'm 35 and a size 18 I don't get the harassment which is nice, but I have to open my own doors and carry my own stuff too!
Back in the 60s my cousin based her choice of work on the fact that the Golden Wonder factory let the production line wear rollers whereas M&S did not. Oh and apparently the piped music was better at the crisps establishment.
I was appalled and angry with her but I had grown up in the South and she in the N. East which was easily 30 years behind the times. She believed her best option was a good marriage so looking well groomed every night was a key factor.
"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it." Sir Terry Pratchett
My experience mirrors that of @FlyDragon exactly. What is more, when I put on even more weight due to an undiagnosed medical condition I became not only invisible but virtually unemployable too .., I was rejected at interview for posts (I found out later) I would have undoubtedly got had I fitted the interviewer’s vision of the ideal appointee.
In fact, having been diagnosed, treated and having lost most of the additional weight, I met a member of one of the interviewing panels at an event... he did not recognise or remember me, and he told me I was just the sort of person he was looking for to head up a new project and invited me to apply ... by then I had moved on and was in a post i was enjoying ... but that shows you how we are judged on our appearance.
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
As I got older, it was great to walk past a building site without being noticed. I appreciated the invisibility that came with age. Some people don't and need to resort to plastic sure and whatever to maintain the attention of the opposite sex.
Posts
We've chosen to live in relative isolation here so it's felt a bit like everyone else is having to live the life that we sought out. It's reinforced for us that we're happy with our choice because a) we've barely noticed the difference and b) we struggle a bit to see what everyone seems to find so hard and restrictive about it. Had this happened when my parents were still alive it may have been different but even that, I'm not so sure.
What it has changed is work - the assumption that I can only do the work I do if I regularly go to the city has gone right out of the window. I am very hopeful that I won't have to get back on a train this year.
I'm definitely not self sufficient though - not enough rain during the growing season so my plants are clinging to survival rather than producing masses of food at the moment.
I've managed to keep making bread right through, with some deviations into spelt bread, white bread and other variations based on what sort of flour I could get. Still haven't got back to all the usual things but I do now have some wholemeal flour in the cupboard.
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
Seeing as it's my only trip out, I make a little effort to get out of my gardening rags to visit Sainsbury's. Wearing a necklace or perfume seems a bit over the top in these circumstances,though.
I once saw a programme on tv about young ladies from north of Watford who would go shopping on a Saturday for clothes to wear out that night , their heads bristling with rollers as they browsed the delights of Primark et al😯
I've been both conventionally attractive and unattractive at times in my adult life.
Let me tell you, its a completely different world for an attractive woman than an unattractive one! The difference in the way people treat you is insane, and not just men, everybody. Its not even conscious either a lot of the time, but people are just programmed to respond differently.
When I was 25 and a size 10 I never had to carry anything very far. Doors opened magically for me. I met friendly faces everywhere I went (and a fair bit of harassment which was less pleasant). Now that I'm 35 and a size 18 I don't get the harassment which is nice, but I have to open my own doors and carry my own stuff too!
I was appalled and angry with her but I had grown up in the South and she in the N. East which was easily 30 years behind the times. She believed her best option was a good marriage so looking well groomed every night was a key factor.
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.