Next point, how come Monty's mower cuts up the stuff? Mine (which as far as I can see is exactly the same one as he uses, just runs over the stuff and does nothing to it, no matter what setting I have the blades set to.
As we travel further north, there's such delicacies as deep fried mars bar and deep fried pizza in batter. They are strangely tempting after a few jars, in the way that nobody ever eats a doner kebab whilst sober.
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You forgot black pudding throwing, clog dancing and northern bagpipes which are not like the Scottish ones.