Claire I am the middle of three sisters. Never an easy position.
I agree with everything said above. At the moment put your mum first. If all else fails however I would write to your sister after you have met.
Perhaps she doesnt realise how much your nephew hurt you. Things may never be the same but that doesn't mean you can't still enjoy each others company.
good luck
Weeds are flowers, too, once you get to know them.” A A Milne
Clare the old relationship will need to be earned, always two sides to a story and often a third person is needed to stop recriminations from both sides. Earlier this year I had to sort out older grandchildren not talking to their mother, who has definite views on everything. I waded in with positive views and they gradually saw sense, all is well. You may both have to make adjustment to the relationship and in time you may reach somewhere near what you once had. My mother taught me, get it off your chest then forget it. Your mother may be right talking about what happened will open it all up again so tread carefully through the minefield and agree Mum is more important than family discord, as Verdun says talk do not accuse.
we all went out for tea today, and I could see at once it did my mum good. she looked happier than she had done in ages. my sister said "can we move on and not say any more" I said yes, altho I wanted to talk about what had gone on I felt I have to let it go for the sake of my mum whos 80.
yes,i do feel im owed an apology from the nephew,but waiting for that is like waiting for him to get a job...
altho we all talked there was an elephant in the room, and he was not mentioned.mind you, none of us see him much anyhow as he is usually in bed all day,a couple of times a year we see him.
so,my relationship with my sister has changed, but hopefully with some time can heal.
I'm pleased to hear that Claire Life is short for some and I'm sure your Mum is now content. I'm a person who is like a dog with a bone but the older I've become I've realised that some arguement are worth winning and others best laid to rest. Bet you do feel happier having seen your sister. As for lazy nephew I can't comment I don't have kids, but at the end of the day he is her son and mother's defend their young, lioness instinct me presumes just be happy he isn't yours Have a happy evening and don't dwell on today x
Glad your mums ok Claire. Well done you for keeping calm. Perhaps it was your sisters way of saying 'she knows he should say sorry'
But you can't make someone of her sons age say it.......and if she did it wouldn't be meant. Maybe when he's older he'll remember and apologise. Hopefully things will slowly improve, but at least you know your Mum thinks things are ok and her feelings are important.
As Kef says, be happy he's not yours My best wishes Claire and hugs x
I think you are to be congratulated for keeping calm, Claire. I would have found it very hard. But for your Mum's sake I think it was the right thing to do. Nephew is probably at a difficult age, though I think he should have apologised. But, being a Mum myself, Mums usually support their children even when they know their child is wrong. I expect your sister loves you, feels guilty, and is relieved you didn't go on about it.
Dordogne and Norfolk. Clay in Dordogne, sandy in Norfolk.
I know what you mean Verdun, getting people to do what they really do not wish to do needs at times aggressive behaviour. I would start with explanation as to why as voluntary compliance is always best if that failed it came down to a full order with the backing of Queens regulations. On a couple of occasions it came down to jacket off in the Gym, I am a big lad who boxed, no contest as they say. Out of the Army as a manager of a heavy maintenance squad I mellowed to full explanations then expectation the people would do as required if not then the full weight off my soft voiced dissemination of their behaviour, it rarely came to that. Talking it out face to face was often the best way and you would find the behaviour was down to some other problem. We never really know why people behave the way the do but then we all carry baggage.
Frank. PS see you at the Party, I will be the very good looking Zombie.
Posts
Claire I am the middle of three sisters. Never an easy position.
I agree with everything said above. At the moment put your mum first. If all else fails however I would write to your sister after you have met.
Perhaps she doesnt realise how much your nephew hurt you. Things may never be the same but that doesn't mean you can't still enjoy each others company.
good luck
A A Milne
Clare the old relationship will need to be earned, always two sides to a story and often a third person is needed to stop recriminations from both sides. Earlier this year I had to sort out older grandchildren not talking to their mother, who has definite views on everything. I waded in with positive views and they gradually saw sense, all is well. You may both have to make adjustment to the relationship and in time you may reach somewhere near what you once had. My mother taught me, get it off your chest then forget it. Your mother may be right talking about what happened will open it all up again so tread carefully through the minefield and agree Mum is more important than family discord, as Verdun says talk do not accuse.
Frank.
thanks guys!
we all went out for tea today, and I could see at once it did my mum good. she looked happier than she had done in ages. my sister said "can we move on and not say any more" I said yes, altho I wanted to talk about what had gone on I felt I have to let it go for the sake of my mum whos 80.
yes,i do feel im owed an apology from the nephew,but waiting for that is like waiting for him to get a job...
altho we all talked there was an elephant in the room, and he was not mentioned.mind you, none of us see him much anyhow as he is usually in bed all day,a couple of times a year we see him.
so,my relationship with my sister has changed, but hopefully with some time can heal.
thanks again guys for some great advice xx
I'm pleased to hear that Claire
Life is short for some and I'm sure your Mum is now content. I'm a person who is like a dog with a bone
but the older I've become I've realised that some arguement are worth winning and others best laid to rest. Bet you do feel happier having seen your sister. As for lazy nephew I can't comment I don't have kids, but at the end of the day he is her son and mother's defend their young, lioness instinct me presumes just be happy he isn't yours 
Have a happy evening and don't dwell on today x
Glad your mums ok Claire. Well done you for keeping calm. Perhaps it was your sisters way of saying 'she knows he should say sorry'
But you can't make someone of her sons age say it.......and if she did it wouldn't be meant. Maybe when he's older he'll remember and apologise. Hopefully things will slowly improve, but at least you know your Mum thinks things are ok and her feelings are important.
As Kef says, be happy he's not yours
My best wishes Claire and hugs x
I think you are to be congratulated for keeping calm, Claire. I would have found it very hard. But for your Mum's sake I think it was the right thing to do. Nephew is probably at a difficult age, though I think he should have apologised. But, being a Mum myself, Mums usually support their children even when they know their child is wrong. I expect your sister loves you, feels guilty, and is relieved you didn't go on about it.
I know what you mean Verdun, getting people to do what they really do not wish to do needs at times aggressive behaviour. I would start with explanation as to why as voluntary compliance is always best if that failed it came down to a full order with the backing of Queens regulations. On a couple of occasions it came down to jacket off in the Gym, I am a big lad who boxed, no contest as they say. Out of the Army as a manager of a heavy maintenance squad I mellowed to full explanations then expectation the people would do as required if not then the full weight off my soft voiced dissemination of their behaviour, it rarely came to that. Talking it out face to face was often the best way and you would find the behaviour was down to some other problem. We never really know why people behave the way the do but then we all carry baggage.
Frank. PS see you at the Party, I will be the very good looking Zombie.
Frank see you tomoz'