With acquaintances or strangers, I really don't want to know their sexuality, religion, their financial status or their isms. Like most people, I make assumptions about their gender based on how they present themselves at the time. Whether they are trans or bisexual or whatever is none of my business. It is their private business and should be kept so.
Unless everyone is going to wear a badge or uniform enabling easy 'at a glance' identification of their preferred pronoun, someone's always going to be getting it wrong and/or folk are going to get upset. You can't tell by just looking ... so why not use the same pronoun for everyone? ... simple.
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
I think it's perfectly OK to use the "obvious" pronouns, title etc unless someone asks me not to, but equally I'd be happy if there were gender-neutral pronouns and titles that everyone used, universally. That might happen eventually, but I doubt very much that it'll be in my lifetime. For myself I'm fine with she/her but I've used Ms since I was old enough that Mrs might have been a possibility. It's completely irrelevant whether I'm married or not.
Doncaster, South Yorkshire. Soil type: sandy, well-drained
"As they say in Discworld, we are trying to unravel the Mighty Infinite using a language which was designed to tell one another where the fresh fruit was"
I would imagine that the best people to choose a suitable pronoun are those who a) have a preference and b) are unhappy if others use one that they don’t like. I’d much prefer to continue to be referred to as she/ her, but don’t get offended if I get called sir in Screwfix. ( he did apologise, hadn’t looked up when I came into the shop, and said that the majority of the customers were male )
If it isn’t very apparent, I’d try to avoid the use of any pronouns. If you are addressing an actual person, then ‘you’ seems to be the most obvious word to use anyway. I’ve only actually come across this once, when a young server in a restaurant was wearing a badge asking to be referred to as they/ them. Luckily there was no need to use those pronouns, but I can imagine some confused conversations. “ Has someone taken your order? “ Yes, they did. “Who did?” Or worse still, a complaint. “It was them”
The main aim is surely to try not to knowingly give offence, which most of us have been doing all our lives. Past generations of people with fluid gender identification have presumably learnt not to take offence where none is intended, what has changed? Those who are nasty minded will still find a way to be unpleasant.
There is a young person I know who is still groping towards some kind of identity for themself. They have been very hurt in the past and are quite fragile. They are a wonderful human being and very talented and I always give them a hug when it's appropriate. I sincerely hope they can come to terms with their identity and go on to become successful in their chosen career.
Thanks @didyw. Now could you give me an example of how you would use these pronouns when speaking to they. ( see I'm learning😊) Actually, maybe I'm not. Should it be them?
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Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
― Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
I’d much prefer to continue to be referred to as she/ her, but don’t get offended if I get called sir in Screwfix. ( he did apologise, hadn’t looked up when I came into the shop, and said that the majority of the customers were male )
If it isn’t very apparent, I’d try to avoid the use of any pronouns. If you are addressing an actual person, then ‘you’ seems to be the most obvious word to use anyway. I’ve only actually come across this once, when a young server in a restaurant was wearing a badge asking to be referred to as they/ them. Luckily there was no need to use those pronouns, but I can imagine some confused conversations. “ Has someone taken your order? “ Yes, they did. “Who did?” Or worse still, a complaint. “It was them”
The main aim is surely to try not to knowingly give offence, which most of us have been doing all our lives. Past generations of people with fluid gender identification have presumably learnt not to take offence where none is intended, what has changed? Those who are nasty minded will still find a way to be unpleasant.
Can someone give me a few sample sentences using they / them appropriately?
Now could you give me an example of how you would use these pronouns when speaking to they. ( see I'm learning😊)
Actually, maybe I'm not. Should it be them?