Hi, as it’s a small front garden could you put some black membrane down and cover it with pebbles and gravel to make seaside effect space. Then a few grasses planted in a hole in the membrane, maybe a couple of pots with flowers in for colour. This would cost unfortunately, but once done it would stay looking nice when you couldn’t manage to see to it. You can always make a hole and plant it with something later when you are ready and need more colour. Valerie
Hi Many thanks for the reply, I actually like having grass out the front even though its mainly weeds not grass, but hopefully I can turn it around to how it was.
We have a front hedge as well and it’s amazing how pretty much every person stares long and hard as they walk by, like they’ve never seen a hedge trimmed before!
If one of you is better talking with people over the phone, I’d arrange a gardener to do the hedge who accepts a bank transfer as payment so you wouldn’t even need to see them. Especially now with CV19 you could say you’re isolating, plus we shouldn’t be handling cash anyways.
For the house anything self clinging will be a pain to maintain. You could install trellis and grow a single or double flowered rose with an open centre, good for pollinators, there are some small ramblers you could try. How many hours sun would you say it gets, roughly?
You're right to tackle the hedge first as it's affecting the neighbour and the footpath. Can you get your partner to do it if you're not comfortable with shears? Pick a day, ply him with strong tea, headphones on and face mask on - and get it over and done with.
In terms of social anxiety, it's something I've always struggled with (no formal diagnosis but I'd say more serious than shyness or introversion). It gets easier and easier the older I get, and I care less about what people think about me (an attitude I try and cultivate in myself). I wear headphones when I'm out and about - not so much for S.A. but because I'm a podcast addict - people tend to leave me alone. I have a 'resting bitch face' which helps too. Avoiding anxiety inducing necessities just tends to make things worse in my opinion, although another thing I am better at as I get older, is saying 'no' to things which aren't necessary rather than feel pressurised into enduring them!
Thanks both for the replies. A rambler sounds nice. thankfully my neighbour isn't much of a gardener herself, either that or she has the same issues as me! She used to have someone round to do her garden prior to covid. One suggestion I read was to wear a hat or sunglasses so you don't feel quite so exposed.
Most people's "watching" will just be idle nosiness, they won't be thinking much about what you're actually doing. When we first moved here I had similar concerns to yours and most of our garden is at the front. I soon learned that if someone is looking, to smile and say hello or good morning, good afternoon, whatever (even if it means gritting teeth on the inside). Most people will say hello back and carry on their way, some will look embarrassed, some will engage in conversation. It does get easier with time and practice.
Doncaster, South Yorkshire. Soil type: sandy, well-drained
I'm glad to hear your nasty neighbour has moved on! I do sympathise: I enjoy the chats with neighbours when I'm working out front, and have never had any negative comments. But I totally get the fear of it and how it drags you down. I suffer from depression, not anxiety, and constantly catch myself replaying "bad" conversations in my head that happened decades ago, when I felt put down or unfairly judged. I think if anyone told me I was doing my garden wrong, I'd invite them to do it for me; I think they'd soon back off.
Bless you 🤗 Some folk don’t realise how long their comments linger ... I’m 68 and I still feel bad about something someone said about the colour I’d painted my kitchen when I was 24! She was very blunt ... as I got to know her I discovered that she was actually a kind person ... it was just that she didn’t have any sort of ‘filter’ and words just spilled out of her ... it turned out to be as big a problem for her as my shyness was for me ... she had few friends to call on when her world fell apart 😢
Have you tried any of the online CBT resources? I know someone who finds them very helpful, having had therapy nearly 30 years ago she knows she’ll never be ‘cured’ but she finds that keeping up with the ‘exercises’ keeps it under control so it doesn’t stop her doing what she wants to do ... which is the main thing. 😊
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
Bless you 🤗 Some folk don’t realise how long their comments linger ... I’m 68 and I still feel bad about something someone said about the colour I’d painted my kitchen when I was 24! She was very blunt ... as I got to know her I discovered that she was actually a kind person ... it was just that she didn’t have any sort of ‘filter’ and words just spilled out of her ... it turned out to be as big a problem for her as my shyness was for me ... she had few friends to call on when her world fell apart 😢
Have you tried any of the online CBT resources? I know someone who finds them very helpful, having had therapy nearly 30 years ago she knows she’ll never be ‘cured’ but she finds that keeping up with the ‘exercises’ keeps it under control so it doesn’t stop her doing what she wants to do ... which is the main thing. 😊
These negative comments never go away do they!? I think the only person I worry about is the neighbour opposite who has an almost perfect green lawn as is out there doing stuff to it every weekend.....everyone else doesn't really 'garden' apart from neighbours to the side of us whose garden I always admire. Although its far from perfect, just neat and tidy as they maintain it every week. I do speak to them and they are very nice, I have briefly spoken to mr perfect lawn too but he's the one I worry about coming over although I know I am over worrying deep down about nothing!
Follow a couple of online blogs regarding anxiety but no CBT resources, will have to take a look
I'm glad to hear your nasty neighbour has moved on! I do sympathise: I enjoy the chats with neighbours when I'm working out front, and have never had any negative comments. But I totally get the fear of it and how it drags you down. I suffer from depression, not anxiety, and constantly catch myself replaying "bad" conversations in my head that happened decades ago, when I felt put down or unfairly judged. I think if anyone told me I was doing my garden wrong, I'd invite them to do it for me; I think they'd soon back off.
My partner suffers with both unfortunately and like you (and me) he replays stuff that happened a long time ago. A very common problem for a lot of people it seems!
Mr. Perfect Lawn is probably bothered that your dandelions might invade his territory! He'll probably be relieved to see you tackling it rather than anything else.
Doncaster, South Yorkshire. Soil type: sandy, well-drained
I understand your concerns about your partner feeling rubbish about someone else doing work that he could do under normal circumstances, but these are strange times. I think if he knows it would make you feel better, he would understand ? I understand slightly how you feel, l don't like gardening "out front" on my own and wait until my OH is out there. As has been said before, most people just smile and say hello, and if l'm lucky they may add something complimentary. They are usually on their way from A to B and don't stop to chat. I know what you mean about negative comments. Years ago l was out in the front garden when a woman stopped to pass comment on the plants in the flower bed. "They're lovely" she said. "Thanks very much" l replied, "Yes, the bees love them". "You've got too many in there" she said, and walked off while l was still trying to think of a cutting yet witty reply. Never seen her since. People like that are very much in the minority, most people appreciate a nice garden, even if they don't have the first idea of how to go about it. There are ways round it and many good suggestions above. I wish you the very best of luck
Why not make a 'to do' list? Then set yourself a small target job, maybe 10 minutes at first but then building your time up? Knowing that you're only out there for a bit but still having a sense of achievement might work to help your confidence and sense of ownership, neighbours would also get used to seeing you there and not be bothered to get involved. I realised a while back that a decent garden benefits from little and often more than all at once.
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Have you tried any of the online CBT resources? I know someone who finds them very helpful, having had therapy nearly 30 years ago she knows she’ll never be ‘cured’ but she finds that keeping up with the ‘exercises’ keeps it under control so it doesn’t stop her doing what she wants to do ... which is the main thing. 😊
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
Follow a couple of online blogs regarding anxiety but no CBT resources, will have to take a look
I understand slightly how you feel, l don't like gardening "out front" on my own and wait until my OH is out there. As has been said before, most people just smile and say hello, and if l'm lucky they may add something complimentary. They are usually on their way from A to B and don't stop to chat.
I know what you mean about negative comments. Years ago l was out in the front garden when a woman stopped to pass comment on the plants in the flower bed. "They're lovely" she said. "Thanks very much" l replied, "Yes, the bees love them".
"You've got too many in there" she said, and walked off while l was still trying to think of a cutting yet witty reply.
Never seen her since. People like that are very much in the minority, most people appreciate a nice garden, even if they don't have the first idea of how to go about it.
There are ways round it and many good suggestions above. I wish you the very best of luck
I hope this all works out for you.