Help required with front garden for social anxiety sufferer

Suzanne4 · May 2020

Hi

We have a fairly small front garden on a modern housing estate. It used to be grass with a small box hedge at the front and a tree with an area where there was tulips growing. All long gone. Tree died, hedge is now overgrowing into next door and on pavement, and the lawn that was once green is now dandelion ridden.

Unfortunately we both suffer with social anxiety, my other half cuts all our hedges which align the driveway every year but normally does it during the week when most people are at work (before Covid-19!). I find the front garden so depressing and really want to try and get it looking nice.

I was going out and deadheading the dandelions once they had finished flowering (great for bees and I love the colour) but then I didn't do it for ages and it looked terrible. Plucked up the courage to cut the lawn at the weekend but no idea how I am going to tackle what once was a small hedge....I don't want to use the hedge trimmer, don't like my chancers with shears and would be happy with secateurs even though it will probably take me a while and I will be worrying about neighbours 'watching' me

Ideally i would like to put in an evergreen wildlife friendly shrub that will grow up the wall of the house as this looks really drab, and then some wildlife friendly plants under the window but I don't think I will manage to dig a border so would prefer to chuck some plants/bulbs in and hope for the best. But I also need to deal with the dandelions!

So basically I need some quick fixes to minimise my time spent out there so I don't get too paranoid!

Dinnerplatedahlias🌸 · May 2020

For the evergreen shrub to climb up the front of the house and the wildlife friendly plant bulbs it would be useful to know how much sun they would it get?

Ivy is always an easy climber and it doesn’t even need trellis so less time for you out the front tying it in as it grows.

For the dandelions you could maybe buy something like evergreen 4 in 1 which is a treatment you could quickly throw down that would help the lawn and reduce weeds/ dandelions in grass without having to spend time outside weeding.

A really good option would probably be to find a local Gardner to do some of this work for you short term until the COVID situation has calmed down. Facebook community chats are great for finding someone like this local to you.

I really hope you get something sorted. Having a nice green space to look out to at this time can have such a calming beneficial effect.

Dovefromabove · May 2020

This must be a difficult time for you ... I hope we can come up with some helpful suggestions.

Personally I would avoid ivy on the house ... this house used to have ivy on it but it got out of hand when the owners were unable to keep it trimmed and it got into and under the gutters, under the roof tiles and into the roof space, and started to cover the windows ... people would stare and point as they walked past and I’d hate that to happen to you if you were unable to keep it under control for some reason.

If I were you I would get someone in to cut back the hedge and tidy the lawn if that’s at all possible. Local network websites such as ‘Next Door’ often have recommendations for relatively inexpensive garden help.

For the future, I would go for pots ... large but relatively lightweight pots which you can plant up and grow on in your back garden and move them into the front when they’re beginning to bloom. Then all you have to do is water them ... it’ll probably need to be done every day in the summer but it’s light early so you could go out and water at 5 or 6 am when most folk are asleep, just the birds are singing ... it’s like another world out there at that time of day 😊

You could have pots of bulbs for spring, (you’d plant them in the autumn) ... hardy annuals for summer (some can be sown In the autumn, some in the spring) and perhaps an autumn/winter pot of a small evergreen and grasses or a little trailing ivy ... if you looked after and fed that you could keep it going for several years. I’ve got some crocus corms in my winter pot (purplish heuchera and bronze grass) and in Feb and March when the purple crocuses appear it is always like a surprise and brightens the garden.

I find it’s much ‘easier’ to do the front garden if both of us are there ... so when OH cuts the grass and weeds the drive, that’s when I do the border in the front ... weeding, planting, cutting back etc. talking quietly to each other helps to focus on our own space and block out at least some of the rest of the world.

Have you noticed how builders and other folk who work for prolonged periods in public spaces often create ‘their own space’ by playing a radio ... I find something on a ‘talk station’ rather than music, so I can really engage with it, is helpful. It’s easier to block out others if you’ve created your own world.

I know that my tendency to shyness in some social circumstances isn’t really the same as social anxiety, but I have found those strategies helpful and thought I’d share them.

I hope that’s been of some help ... good luck 😊

Dovefromabove · May 2020

🤔 Another thought ... there’s no law that says you have to cut all your hedge in one go. Do a bit one day and a bit more another day ... just do what you can manage one day at a time if it makes you feel grim ... or is it the thinking about it and the dread of doing it that is the worst feeling? If so, then it’s probably easier to tackle it all at once.

josusa47 · May 2020

Is your social anxiety about other people taking notice of you, or about your having to respond to them? Maybe this idea is just too wacky, but I'll suggest it anyway: make a big sign saying something like: "We are undertaking a sponsored silence for NHS charities" and a smaller version you can tape to a bucket for donations. Then if people speak to you while you're working in the garden, you can just smile and point to the sign and the bucket.

valerieroberts · May 2020

Hi, as it’s a small front garden could you put some black membrane down and cover it with pebbles and gravel to make seaside effect space. Then a few grasses planted in a hole in the membrane, maybe a couple of pots with flowers in for colour. This would cost unfortunately, but once done it would stay looking nice when you couldn’t manage to see to it. You can always make a hole and plant it with something later when you are ready and need more colour. Valerie

Omori · May 2020

We have a front hedge as well and it’s amazing how pretty much every person stares long and hard as they walk by, like they’ve never seen a hedge trimmed before!

If one of you is better talking with people over the phone, I’d arrange a gardener to do the hedge who accepts a bank transfer as payment so you wouldn’t even need to see them. Especially now with CV19 you could say you’re isolating, plus we shouldn’t be handling cash anyways.

For the house anything self clinging will be a pain to maintain. You could install trellis and grow a single or double flowered rose with an open centre, good for pollinators, there are some small ramblers you could try. How many hours sun would you say it gets, roughly?

Loxley · May 2020

You're right to tackle the hedge first as it's affecting the neighbour and the footpath. Can you get your partner to do it if you're not comfortable with shears? Pick a day, ply him with strong tea, headphones on and face mask on - and get it over and done with.

In terms of social anxiety, it's something I've always struggled with (no formal diagnosis but I'd say more serious than shyness or introversion). It gets easier and easier the older I get, and I care less about what people think about me (an attitude I try and cultivate in myself). I wear headphones when I'm out and about - not so much for S.A. but because I'm a podcast addict - people tend to leave me alone. I have a 'resting bitch face' which helps too. Avoiding anxiety inducing necessities just tends to make things worse in my opinion, although another thing I am better at as I get older, is saying 'no' to things which aren't necessary rather than feel pressurised into enduring them!

Suzanne4 · May 2020

cbennett17 said:

For the evergreen shrub to climb up the front of the house and the wildlife friendly plant bulbs it would be useful to know how much sun they would it get?
Ivy is always an easy climber and it doesn’t even need trellis so less time for you out the front tying it in as it grows.
For the dandelions you could maybe buy something like evergreen 4 in 1 which is a treatment you could quickly throw down that would help the lawn and reduce weeds/ dandelions in grass without having to spend time outside weeding.
A really good option would probably be to find a local Gardner to do some of this work for you short term until the COVID situation has calmed down. Facebook community chats are great for finding someone like this local to you.
I really hope you get something sorted. Having a nice green space to look out to at this time can have such a calming beneficial effect.

Hi
Thanks so much for the reply! The front garden definitely gets quite a bit of sun, I'd quite like it in the back garden too but we never get that much!
I have seen Ivy mentioned but I have also read that it goes a bit too mad and its hard to deal with. I have seen californian lilac and pyracantha (saphyr orange) mentioned on the RHS website for growing up walls which I might look into.
I'll have a look at the Evergreen stuff thanks, my other half would like to remove the lawn and just plant it up but I like having grass, given its void in so many areas.
I have thought about asking someone I know who is a gardener to do it but my other half is a very good gardener himself and was also a landscape gardener at one point, and he would feel really rubbish if someone else came and did something he is able to do.

Suzanne4 · May 2020

Dovefromabove said:

This must be a difficult time for you ... I hope we can come up with some helpful suggestions.

Personally I would avoid ivy on the house ... this house used to have ivy on it but it got out of hand when the owners were unable to keep it trimmed and it got into and under the gutters, under the roof tiles and into the roof space, and started to cover the windows ... people would stare and point as they walked past and I’d hate that to happen to you if you were unable to keep it under control for some reason.

If I were you I would get someone in to cut back the hedge and tidy the lawn if that’s at all possible. Local network websites such as ‘Next Door’ often have recommendations for relatively inexpensive garden help.

For the future, I would go for pots ... large but relatively lightweight pots which you can plant up and grow on in your back garden and move them into the front when they’re beginning to bloom. Then all you have to do is water them ... it’ll probably need to be done every day in the summer but it’s light early so you could go out and water at 5 or 6 am when most folk are asleep, just the birds are singing ... it’s like another world out there at that time of day 😊

You could have pots of bulbs for spring, (you’d plant them in the autumn) ... hardy annuals for summer (some can be sown In the autumn, some in the spring) and perhaps an autumn/winter pot of a small evergreen and grasses or a little trailing ivy ... if you looked after and fed that you could keep it going for several years. I’ve got some crocus corms in my winter pot (purplish heuchera and bronze grass) and in Feb and March when the purple crocuses appear it is always like a surprise and brightens the garden.

I find it’s much ‘easier’ to do the front garden if both of us are there ... so when OH cuts the grass and weeds the drive, that’s when I do the border in the front ... weeding, planting, cutting back etc. talking quietly to each other helps to focus on our own space and block out at least some of the rest of the world.

Have you noticed how builders and other folk who work for prolonged periods in public spaces often create ‘their own space’ by playing a radio ... I find something on a ‘talk station’ rather than music, so I can really engage with it, is helpful. It’s easier to block out others if you’ve created your own world.

I know that my tendency to shyness in some social circumstances isn’t really the same as social anxiety, but I have found those strategies helpful and thought I’d share them.

I hope that’s been of some help ... good luck 😊

Hi
Thanks so much for the reply and the fab ideas

I love the idea of planting up pots, once I have got the hedge (little and often

) and the grass sorted this sounds like a great plan.

Suzanne4 · May 2020

josusa47 said:

Is your social anxiety about other people taking notice of you, or about your having to respond to them? Maybe this idea is just too wacky, but I'll suggest it anyway: make a big sign saying something like: "We are undertaking a sponsored silence for NHS charities" and a smaller version you can tape to a bucket for donations. Then if people speak to you while you're working in the garden, you can just smile and point to the sign and the bucket.

Hi
Thank you so much for your reply. It is about other people taking notice of me, and a fear of doing something so wrong that people are either thinking that or someone is going to make a negative comment. I am actually quite sociable and if a neighbour did talk to me without making any negative comments, I would cheerfully chat. My social anxiety has got an awful lot better over the years mainly due to having some therapy for it when it was at its worst, but I still have this stupid thing about being 'watched'! It doesn't help that when we first moved in (many years ago), I was weeding behind our garage and some awful woman who lived behind us said it was her bit of garden not mine and was very rude about it! Actually it wasn't either of ours, the previous neighbours told me they looked after it, but she implied she did. They paved it over eventually which formed part of their driveway. Niggled me for a long time as it wasn't her land to do so but thankfully she's long gone!

Help required with front garden for social anxiety sufferer

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