Verd - it's desperately hard to do what your head tells you is the right thing when your heart tells you the opposite. I never had to make that decision about my parents thankfully, although I had to do it for another reason. We're all here for you as you know, whenever you need a virtual hug or a virtual shoulder.
And cake of course
It's a place where beautiful isn't enough of a word....
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
Verdun - I really feel for you and all the others going through similar trials - as you may have guessed I too have the T-shirt.
I think we all understand what you mean by the 'guilt' but, if you are considering a good home for your mum where she can be cared for in safety by qualified staff with the right equipment, then there is nothing to feel guilty about.
My father pleaded for me to take him home - that was so hard to take. But (in addition to his confusion) he was so unsteady on his feet and needed constant physical support to do everything from personal care to walking. I'm 5' tall & totally unable to lift or support a fully grown man on my own. If he'd come home with me we would both have ended up in hospital and I would have ended up hating him for ruining my life.
Does that sound very selfish? - I'm sorry if it does - but I was part of the social work team dealing with elderly people in our area. I saw what looking after aged parents without appropriate help or support could do to people - how it dragged them down and how everybody (including the aged P) just ended up being so unhappy & full of guilt.
You are trying to do the right thing, you are trying to do your best - you really cannot do anymore.
Really squeezy hugs!!
Heaven is ... sitting in the garden with a G&T and a cat while watching the sun go down
Not selfish at all Topbird. You're absolutely right, it can damage relationships beyond repair and serves no purpose. As an aging population it's a problem which will become more common. We need more good quality care homes where old people are treated with respect and given the care they deserve.
It's a place where beautiful isn't enough of a word....
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
Not selfish. My mother was great about it. After her fall and her hip replacement she asked to go in a home and she had already put herself on the waiting list of the home in her town. They looked after her until she died.
Dordogne and Norfolk. Clay in Dordogne, sandy in Norfolk.
Thanks peeps. I think that all I'm trying to say is that it's not easy - the outcome we all want (for things to be as they were before) just cannot happen & you can only do your best to try to reach a compromise solution.
I think that sometimes it pays to try to take a step back and say "what would I advise my best friend to do?" - somehow it depersonalises it a little bit. Maybe that's just me but it has helped me make some very difficult decisions.
Enough from me - best wishes & support to all going through such a horrible time. xx
Heaven is ... sitting in the garden with a G&T and a cat while watching the sun go down
I've been v close to this situation, and know how terrible it is. Top birds advice above is so good.
it may help to keep in mind also, that while they may plead to be left in their own home, that home may also be lonely and frightening for them tho they will not admit it. If they go into care there will be a period of adjustment, and then they often feel relieved of the worry and fear and really welcome the security.
Really feel for you Verdun. It is a very difficult subject to broach though Topbird sums it up well. The main thing is to make sure your Mum is safe and well cared for.
Posts
SweetPea and Verdun sorry to hear about your situations.
I'm pretty naff at handling this stuff, but will sent my best wishes anyway.
Take care.
Nice sentiments David I'm sure they are appreciated. That's what most do on here help and support each other in whatever way they can
Verd - it's desperately hard to do what your head tells you is the right thing when your heart tells you the opposite. I never had to make that decision about my parents thankfully, although I had to do it for another reason. We're all here for you as you know, whenever you need a virtual hug or a virtual shoulder.
And cake of course
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
Verdun - I really feel for you and all the others going through similar trials - as you may have guessed I too have the T-shirt.
I think we all understand what you mean by the 'guilt' but, if you are considering a good home for your mum where she can be cared for in safety by qualified staff with the right equipment, then there is nothing to feel guilty about.
My father pleaded for me to take him home - that was so hard to take. But (in addition to his confusion) he was so unsteady on his feet and needed constant physical support to do everything from personal care to walking. I'm 5' tall & totally unable to lift or support a fully grown man on my own. If he'd come home with me we would both have ended up in hospital and I would have ended up hating him for ruining my life.
Does that sound very selfish? - I'm sorry if it does - but I was part of the social work team dealing with elderly people in our area. I saw what looking after aged parents without appropriate help or support could do to people - how it dragged them down and how everybody (including the aged P) just ended up being so unhappy & full of guilt.
You are trying to do the right thing, you are trying to do your best - you really cannot do anymore.
Really squeezy hugs!!
Not selfish at all Topbird. You're absolutely right, it can damage relationships beyond repair and serves no purpose. As an aging population it's a problem which will become more common. We need more good quality care homes where old people are treated with respect and given the care they deserve.
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
Not selfish. My mother was great about it. After her fall and her hip replacement she asked to go in a home and she had already put herself on the waiting list of the home in her town. They looked after her until she died.
I think that sometimes it pays to try to take a step back and say "what would I advise my best friend to do?" - somehow it depersonalises it a little bit. Maybe that's just me but it has helped me make some very difficult decisions.
Enough from me - best wishes & support to all going through such a horrible time. xx
Verdun - ((hugs)) - such a difficult time for you and your Mum. The most important thing is choosing whats best for her. will be thinking of you ....
I've been v close to this situation, and know how terrible it is. Top birds advice above is so good.
it may help to keep in mind also, that while they may plead to be left in their own home, that home may also be lonely and frightening for them tho they will not admit it. If they go into care there will be a period of adjustment, and then they often feel relieved of the worry and fear and really welcome the security.
Really feel for you Verdun. It is a very difficult subject to broach though Topbird sums it up well. The main thing is to make sure your Mum is safe and well cared for.