I am rubbish at explaining things unless I write war and peace and then the explanation gets lost in amongst other things anyway..!
What I meant was that I wasn't certain that a specific thread just about memories of those now dead was right for me (hence the widening of the title). It just seemed a bit 'heart on sleeve' to me - a bit ostentatiously maudlin if that makes sense?
Anyway, I'm with KT53 to a degree - memories come and memories go, triggered by all sorts, but we do have certain times of the year when we (my kids and me) 'try' to be together. My daughter's birthday is close to my wife's - so we use that and we have another special day close to my son's birthday. Good excuses to just get around a table and 'jointly' miss the stupid old woman who should be sitting there with us.
Memories are odd though eh? I've just had a very strange week, talking about memories first with my old bro (where my memory, via google, proved to be relatively accurate) and then with a second cousin, where we share a memory, but that memory to each of us is so different as to be unrecognisable by the other - apart from we were both there. How can that be? But going back to KT53 - I think that is why I value the get togethers - we all remember differently, we experience differently - and it is the sum of the experiences that is closest to the whole. They remember their mum as that - a mum and friend. My wife never quite got to mothering me, but I saw other facets. Like splitting down an orange to its component parts and thinking that its juice is all the orange ever was - no. There were bits of my wife that I never saw or experienced (that sounds preverted now I've written it - but you know what I mean) that made her, her and that I can now never know. I wrote a poem after her death trying to express that concept of 'the whole' (and what we all perceive that 'whole' to be by extrapolating from the limited colours we actually see) by using light and a spectrum as the analogy - I'm as crap at poetry as I am at explaining...
Tooooooooooo maudlin.
In Memoriam - that time in my life when I had no cares (read kids), no worries (read kids) and I thought I was immortal (well, I never thought about death). Halcyon days...
I remember my parents on their birthdays. Somehow Xmas and dates of death don't seem to count.
My point is that I think about family members all the time, not just on anniversaries. The ashes of my mother and brother are scattered over 400 miles from where I live. I don't do anything special on my own birthday, it's just another day on the calendar. We go out for meals regularly anyway, so a 'birthday meal' is nothing special.
@steveTu - I like to think this forum is still a predominantly friendly and accepting space frequented mainly by kind and caring contributors. This particularly applies to those of us who have posted here for years and have established both online and real life friendships.
So, if it helps you and others to have a thread to remember loved ones or to express your sense of grief or loss in your own way, there won't be many who object.
Many people find it cathartic to express their emotions in writing. It can be extraordinarily difficult to do it in a way which makes 'good' reading - poetic or otherwise - but wrestling those emotions to the surface and recognising them for what they are can help the brain to sort and file things into a slightly better order. If wrestling and acknowledging those emotions makes you cry, that's no bad stress release either.
I, personally, don't set out to commemorate dates connected with those I have lost but somehow I always feel emotional around those times (birthdays usually) and then I remember "Ah! it would have been mum's (whoever's) birthday tomorrow". Strange how the brain works.
After my father died a very close friend gave me some money in place of flowers to buy a plant to commemorate his death (in July). I couldn't think why on earth I would want to remember that unhappy time so I bought a viburnum Carlessii which is always, always in full flower on his birthday (22 April). The scent fills the garden and I take a pot of tea to sit next to it and just be. It's very calming.
Heaven is ... sitting in the garden with a G&T and a cat while watching the sun go down
My wife was the gardener, so the whole garden is a tribute to her and a constant reminder of those '....I'm just going to pop out in the garden for 10 minutes to tidy up...' times (when I then found her fast asleep in the conservatory 2 hours later).
That 'final' date is far more difficult for me - as at the end, I was there alone. My kids were at home catching up on sleep as we'd all been in some sort of vigil. But still, on the anniversary of 'that' time I get out in the garden, with the obligatory tea, and sit, watch and listen - waiting for that rebuke '...I wouldn't have moved that there...' or '...what have you done to my gorgeous blah...'...!
The only sad thing about today is that my wife never saw our daughter get married - and then have a daughter of her own. BUT, we all die at some point and obviously miss the things that happen after don't we? It will always be the same.
I still miss my wife singing along to Adele in the kitchen though. Perfect pitch - not...
As far as l'm concerned, were Adele to be struck down with throat problems again, l could stand in at a moment's notice. The same with any female role in Les Miserables. I suspect the audience would be asking for their money back...
I know you're fine, but l expect a few forum members will be sending best wishes your way today in any case, Including me.
Posts
Yes, and to me there is a massive difference. The living know you are celebrating with them, the dead don't.
My point is that I think about family members all the time, not just on anniversaries. The ashes of my mother and brother are scattered over 400 miles from where I live. I don't do anything special on my own birthday, it's just another day on the calendar. We go out for meals regularly anyway, so a 'birthday meal' is nothing special.
So, if it helps you and others to have a thread to remember loved ones or to express your sense of grief or loss in your own way, there won't be many who object.
Many people find it cathartic to express their emotions in writing. It can be extraordinarily difficult to do it in a way which makes 'good' reading - poetic or otherwise - but wrestling those emotions to the surface and recognising them for what they are can help the brain to sort and file things into a slightly better order. If wrestling and acknowledging those emotions makes you cry, that's no bad stress release either.
I, personally, don't set out to commemorate dates connected with those I have lost but somehow I always feel emotional around those times (birthdays usually) and then I remember "Ah! it would have been mum's (whoever's) birthday tomorrow". Strange how the brain works.
After my father died a very close friend gave me some money in place of flowers to buy a plant to commemorate his death (in July). I couldn't think why on earth I would want to remember that unhappy time so I bought a viburnum Carlessii which is always, always in full flower on his birthday (22 April). The scent fills the garden and I take a pot of tea to sit next to it and just be. It's very calming.
Luxembourg
As far as l'm concerned, were Adele to be struck down with throat problems again, l could stand in at a moment's notice. The same with any female role in Les Miserables.
I suspect the audience would be asking for their money back...
I know you're fine, but l expect a few forum members will be sending best wishes your way today in any case, Including me.
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.