In Memoriam - in its widest sense

steveTu · 6 February

Not sure if this is apt here at all - BUT....

I see a few posts about the famous passing on and being missed.

But at times we all miss things and want just to have a bit of time remembering.

It will be my wife's birthday on Thurs - she would have been seventy - a spring chicken. Luckily for me (not necessarily for her!), I had 25years and more of knowing her. My world was a vastly better place with her in it .

Not me to be gushy - and you'll see that from the insane posts I make here - be warned....

Stulti · 6 February

Yes Steve, there are some tough times in everybody’s life. I got this email from a very very old (in both senses) friend the other day. It sums it up for me.

Hi there. Xmas has come and gone, new year has come and gone but the rain just keeps coming. The grass is thrusting exuberantly and I’m trying to control all this madness without ………. So saddening. That about sums it up really. Anyway I have no plans for a more fulfilling life. Don’t see how such is possible. I have been planting a few seeds and some are germinating so on the surface things seem as though this is forward planning. But not really. I’m just doing the things we would have been doing together. But there is no together. Getting towards the pointy end of life now.

I hope that Thursday brings happy memories for you.

(Don’t know why the text came out so big. Maybe because I copied his email?)

Busy-Lizzie · 6 February

I hope you will be OK on her birthday.

Some of us post about the passing of loved ones on the chat threads. It took me some time to be OK on my first OH's birthday and Christmas wasn't that good a time either. I was lucky as I met 2nd OH, also widowed, 10 years after my husband died so my life was a heap better again. I was 47 when 1st husband died so I had time.

I don't see why this shouldn't be apt to post here. Some of us have been here a long time, we are like pen friends. Some of us have even met and become real friends.

coccinella · 6 February

Why shouldn't you remember your beloved wife on the forum? I think this thread is a good idea. I hope you have a good day on Thursday and that you think about the good times with her.

AnniD · 6 February

Yesterday would have been my Mum's 91st birthday. She died nearly 18 months ago so still comparatively recently. Yesterday was a tough day, but of course tough days aren't just the special dates such as birthdays and anniversaries.
As life goes on we all have to go through the deaths of friends and family, so l agree with others, it's good to have a thread on this topic.

I hope Thursday goes as well as it can for you @steveTu, however you choose to commemorate it

KT53 · 6 February

Maybe I'm unusual but I don't commemorate birthdays of relatives who have died, even close family members. Neither do I do anything special on the anniversary of the day they died. I have memories of them every day, so what is the purpose of putting special emphasis on any one day?

Stulti · 6 February

Do you celebrate anniversaries and birthdays of the living? I don’t see a difference myself.

Busy-Lizzie · 6 February

@KT53 I didn't celebrate OH's birthday after he died but when the day arrived I couldn't help thinking of him, missing him and feeling sad.

Beastie29 · 6 February

I do think it's perfectly acceptable to post your thread in the Potting Shed, Steve. That's what it's for, after all, despite the 'gatekeepers' who seem to take everything in it's most literal sense.

I think it's our individual, personal choice how and when we choose to remember - not necessarily 'celebrate' - our dead, and nobody has the right to gainsay us, just because our way isn't theirs.

I remember my parents, who died when I was young, every year on the day they died. I also remember them on their respective birthdays, and on the day they married....although I wasn't around at the time! But I remember them every day in between, too. But 'celebrate' isn't the right word, is it?

Someone once said ' There can be no happy ending to a happy marriage'. That's something we have to acknowledge, however painful it is. Hope Thursday will bring you the comfort and balm of your memories of happier days.

Lizzie27 · 6 February

I always remember my late parents on their birthdays and the days they died and always take flowers to their gravestone/crematorium chapel when the Books of Remembrance are opened for that day. it gives me comfort but I'm not particularly religious.
However, none of my siblings do the same, so I'm the odd one out, I don't know why.
In their defence though, we do live the nearest (2 hrs away) and my sister occasionally leaves flowers if she's in the vicinity.

Is it more of a female thing?

@steveTu. Raise a glass on Thursday to your much loved wife and remember the good times.

Mrs-B3-Southampton,-Hants · 6 February

I remember my parents on their birthdays. Somehow Xmas and dates of death don't seem to count.

In Memoriam - in its widest sense

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