and I always wonder why Facebook is so popular. People want privacy but use it to tell everyone their every move or thought. It's small village life on a grand scale.
Facebook has some great groups just like this one. You don't need to share every fart and wrinkle of your private life there
Some lives are brash and loud and overpowering. Some lives are gentle and concerned with things that are delicate or hidden, things that shy away from harsh light and sound. The world privileges too much of the first and leaves barely any room for the latter. Any gap between the curtains and the room is flooded with light. Open any enclosed darkness and it immediately perishes. Open any silent space to loudness and you get nothing but loudness. In too many cases the survival of the fittest has meant just that.
Having suffered for many years because of bad neighbours, I have reached a point where the most valued thing when looking for a new house is its degree of privacy and distance from neighbours.
Extremely loud thumping club music can never be drown by Bach’s music. Cigarette smoke can never be chased away by any daphne or skimmia.
When I walk inside my home, I want to take a deep breath and feel safe, I want to be myself, separated and unobserved, away from the crowd, away from eyes and ears.
When I go into the garden I want to hear bird song and the rustling of leaves. I want to feel free to do things without worrying about other people. I want to talk to the plants and bugs and birds.
I want my life to be folded in, layer upon layer; gently unfolding from time to time to let another human being in. I don’t want it to be permanently exposed or prised open by the force of others.
Privacy is extremely valuable. Having lived in a block of flats during communism, I have learned that the hard way. It’s not about hiding, it’s not about being antisocial, it’s not about doing illegal things - it’s about having space to be and to grow.
Beautifully put. I become extremely anxious and 'on edge' when I am exposed to too much noise, the only reason I regret moving to our new build house. I have been reduced to tears by neighbours music and very loud children. I would love to have a garden in the middle of nowhere. Also, as a young(ish) woman, I want to be able to sunbathe in a bikini and feel the sun on my skin without having next doors male relatives looking over the fence at me. Long live bamboo.... 😉
I also value "space to be and to grow", and I enjoy it all the more when I can share it with other people. I can't think of anything I do in my garden which would be less enjoyable because people can see me doing it. Part of the pleasure of working in the front garden is the opportunity to chat with passers by. My home is surrounded on three sides by two storey houses, and six households can see into my back garden from their upstairs windows. I don't find my quality of life suffers in any way. Maybe it's because I don't use my garden as a place to relax; . I don't sit in a comfy chair with a drink and admire my handiwork. If I am out there, I am working.
I'm bless with no near neighbours, no busy road nearby, no railway within an hour's drive, no airport nearby. I had all of these in my last house and the thing I love most about where I am is...... silence..... total silence. Sometimes even the birds stop their adorable singing and you get a few moments of it. Bliss. Silence can not be created , but is destroyed in an instant.
I've moved from a small market town with lovely countryside views at the bottom of my garden to a larger town on a housing estate in the 'burbs'. I have 5 gardens sharing my rear boundary and get on with all my neighbours but, kids footballs and eyeballing two neighbours through their kitchen windows has got a bit much. One young man stands at the kitchen sink bare chested which is a bit much for this old girl (Oh be still my beating heart😀). So I'm attaching 6 foot square trellis to existing 3 foot fence and growing some lovely climbers. Some privacy and protection but still spaces to chat through,some lovely plants and a better habitat for birds.
>>When my in laws are visiting and start closing all the shutters at night drives me up the wall...<<
My in laws were much the same. In their own house they were assiduous in always closing the blinds and drawing the curtains before turning the lights on in the evenings. The fear was that somebody, undoubtedly with nefarious intent, would sneakily be looking in even though that person would have to have climbed up a grassy bank from the pavement and peered through shrubbery. They even had a blind fitted to a skylight - or skylark as my sister in law once called it - because the house, near Folkestone, was on a flight path!
I have to say I have enjoyed reading the comments in this thread, and hats off to pitter-patter for such eloquent words. For my own part I rarely close the curtains but nobody could easily look in. And we are blessed with a back garden that is almost entirely private apart from one part overlooked by a neighbour but that is only from the bathroom with a frosted glass pane.
Our village, with only a couple of hundred people, is exceptionally sociable. Like most, we know about 90% of the villagers and though we no longer have a pub, on the last Friday of the month we meet in the church, which doubles as a village hall, for drinks and nibbles. A theme of the get together is to talk to people, especially those new to the village, that you don’t know so well. Besides ‘Final Friday’ there are also quiz nights, harvest suppers etc.
I feel blessed. A nice cottage and garden with no intrusion from neighbours but I am also part of an inclusive, sociable community.
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In the sticks near Peterborough
Some lives are brash and loud and overpowering. Some lives are gentle and concerned with things that are delicate or hidden, things that shy away from harsh light and sound. The world privileges too much of the first and leaves barely any room for the latter. Any gap between the curtains and the room is flooded with light. Open any enclosed darkness and it immediately perishes. Open any silent space to loudness and you get nothing but loudness. In too many cases the survival of the fittest has meant just that.
Privacy is a fundamental human characteristic.
I think it's quite ingenious to use plants to address these needs.
Sometimes even the birds stop their adorable singing and you get a few moments of it. Bliss.
Silence can not be created , but is destroyed in an instant.
So I'm attaching 6 foot square trellis to existing 3 foot fence and growing some lovely climbers. Some privacy and protection but still spaces to chat through,some lovely plants and a better habitat for birds.
My in laws were much the same. In their own house they were assiduous in always closing the blinds and drawing the curtains before turning the lights on in the evenings. The fear was that somebody, undoubtedly with nefarious intent, would sneakily be looking in even though that person would have to have climbed up a grassy bank from the pavement and peered through shrubbery. They even had a blind fitted to a skylight - or skylark as my sister in law once called it - because the house, near Folkestone, was on a flight path!
I have to say I have enjoyed reading the comments in this thread, and hats off to pitter-patter for such eloquent words. For my own part I rarely close the curtains but nobody could easily look in. And we are blessed with a back garden that is almost entirely private apart from one part overlooked by a neighbour but that is only from the bathroom with a frosted glass pane.
Our village, with only a couple of hundred people, is exceptionally sociable. Like most, we know about 90% of the villagers and though we no longer have a pub, on the last Friday of the month we meet in the church, which doubles as a village hall, for drinks and nibbles. A theme of the get together is to talk to people, especially those new to the village, that you don’t know so well. Besides ‘Final Friday’ there are also quiz nights, harvest suppers etc.
I feel blessed. A nice cottage and garden with no intrusion from neighbours but I am also part of an inclusive, sociable community.