@Lyn , not everyone has younger relatives to arrange everything when they die. If my husband dies before me, I will have no-one. The relatives to whom I am closest live in Canada. My only sibling is older than me, and his children couldn't care less if I lived or died. Whoever gets landed with organising my funeral will probably be glad if I've already done as much of it as I can and paid for it.
I thank God that I belong to a seriously loving church, so I have no fear of a lonely old age. Something the atheists who've contributed to this thread might want to think about.
.... Jo, you can easily appoint a solicitor to look after your affairs. Many people do, instead of, or as well as, family. I have done that. Perhaps consider asking someone close at your church to be a liaison person with the solicitor. Give the solicitor keys and inform them where the files of your personal papers are kept.
I have found this thread really interesting, and personal experiences lead me to agree with well thought out decisions about one's own death. I, for one, would not want a lingering fading away, as happened to FIL - who gradually was less and less able to do anything for himself, and lost power of speech as well. We could only hope that, inside the shell, there was no active mind trapped - all-seeing, all-hearing but bereft of the ability to communicate.
OH and I have discussed at length what we want, and are certain that neither of us would prolong life were a different pathway available. Our son also is so informed.
With regard to funeral - well, I shan't be aware, so all I have said is that less is more. A fancy service and funeral breakfast is not my personal wish - but it is about those left behind and what makes them cope that matters. Trumpets, choirs and a big blow out down the pub is fine if it makes them happy!
One other thing that doesn't seem to be mentioned on the thread (probably because it mainly focuses on older people) is the use of body parts. When our son was born, we discussed what we would do should the unthinkable happen, both with him and each other. We agreed on donation of anything that was going to assist another person. Probably not much left that is of use now - but who knows - they may be able to use a bit of me! And I promise I wouldn't mind in the least.
Jo, that’s ok, I was talking about families, such as we are. Of course you’d have to do it in the absence of family, but even if you didn’t you would get a burial.
Gardening on the wild, windy west side of Dartmoor.
@Shrinking Violet I work "downstairs from Anatomy". They had a lady brought in last year who died at 104 and had left her remains to medical science. She's the oldest they've ever had...so far. This thread has been fascinating. Thank-you everyone
It appears that many people are concerned that they wouldn’t wish to have a prolonged death with pain, disability or inability to function or communicate. Unfortunately, many natural deaths can be like this. Sometimes illness can blur into dying in a cruel way. It is sad when people make their choices known, yet nature takes over (with or without medical intervention or suggestions). This is often very distressing for relatives and friends (and medical professionals) when everyone concerned is powerless to change the situation. I believe that the provision, and prioritising, of high quality palliative care is a vital part of our health care in order to give people comfort and respect at the end of life.
Regarding organ and tissue donation, there is now a move to make talking about and offering this option a standard, normal part of procedure when a person dies. This will be challenging for most, particularly at the time of stress, sadness and bereavement. At least the Organ Donation Register gives people he opportunity to have one advanced directive for when they cannot give consent. Of course, organ donation is a controversial subject in itself, particularly now ‘presumed consent’ is already in place in Wales and many European countries.
@Lyn , not everyone has younger relatives to arrange everything when they die. If my husband dies before me, I will have no-one. The relatives to whom I am closest live in Canada. My only sibling is older than me, and his children couldn't care less if I lived or died. Whoever gets landed with organising my funeral will probably be glad if I've already done as much of it as I can and paid for it.
I thank God that I belong to a seriously loving church, so I have no fear of a lonely old age. Something the atheists who've contributed to this thread might want to think about.
How deeply patronising. Athiests have families and friends, real friends , not imaginary sky dwellers. I've worked for lots of "Christians" who have been abandoned by their "loving church" when "push came to shove"
Apologies for my earlier grumpy posts. I've had a cup of tea and a sit down.
I mentioned before about the pressing need for England to go over to the 'opt out' organ donor system (rather than opt in). Wales has gone over and I hope it's only a matter of time before England goes with it. I don't know where Ireland and Scotland are in this respect.
I think Aunty Rach makes an important point. (Or maybe I'm reading into her comments). Pain and discomfort is often, if not usually, a part of ageing. As humans we tend to not like any loss of control and shy from pain (and sadness) whenever it arises. This is not remotely to say we shouldn't ease suffering where we can, but we cannot bubble ourselves from the difficulties that come as we age.
It reminds me of the myth of the Buddha. As a young, sheltered, prince, he left his palace and saw an old man, a sick man and a corpse and was shocked at the idea that we all inevitably face sickness, ageing, and ultimately we die. He vowed to try and get his head around it all, and embrace these as an inescapable part of human existence.
In our various societies, we go to extreme lengths to avoid emotional discomfort, numbing out or escaping into alcohol, tech, porn, drugs, fantasy etc. A grown up approach might accept the losses, understand how painful they can be, and use them to motivate us to help as deeply as we can.
I know that my plan to sign up to Dignitas (or the like) towards the end (if I can) is partly down to a wish to duck the ugliness and the slide.
Having spent much of my life "procuring organs" for transplant, I would be a little wary of making statements about an urgent need to change the way consent is given for organ donation, even though I agree that it is the correct way to go. Many of us have spent many years trying to change the system, and it is a potential mine field. One disaster would decimate the organ donation system in England.
How can you lie there and think of England When you don't even know who's in the team
Posts
I thank God that I belong to a seriously loving church, so I have no fear of a lonely old age. Something the atheists who've contributed to this thread might want to think about.
OH and I have discussed at length what we want, and are certain that neither of us would prolong life were a different pathway available. Our son also is so informed.
With regard to funeral - well, I shan't be aware, so all I have said is that less is more. A fancy service and funeral breakfast is not my personal wish - but it is about those left behind and what makes them cope that matters. Trumpets, choirs and a big blow out down the pub is fine if it makes them happy!
One other thing that doesn't seem to be mentioned on the thread (probably because it mainly focuses on older people) is the use of body parts. When our son was born, we discussed what we would do should the unthinkable happen, both with him and each other. We agreed on donation of anything that was going to assist another person. Probably not much left that is of use now - but who knows - they may be able to use a bit of me! And I promise I wouldn't mind in the least.
This thread has been fascinating. Thank-you everyone
Regarding organ and tissue donation, there is now a move to make talking about and offering this option a standard, normal part of procedure when a person dies. This will be challenging for most, particularly at the time of stress, sadness and bereavement. At least the Organ Donation Register gives people he opportunity to have one advanced directive for when they cannot give consent. Of course, organ donation is a controversial subject in itself, particularly now ‘presumed consent’ is already in place in Wales and many European countries.
Athiests have families and friends, real friends , not imaginary sky dwellers.
I've worked for lots of "Christians" who have been abandoned by their "loving church" when "push came to shove"
Many of us have spent many years trying to change the system, and it is a potential mine field.
One disaster would decimate the organ donation system in England.
When you don't even know who's in the team
S.Yorkshire/Derbyshire border