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  • Pat EPat E Posts: 12,316

    7  Reasons Not To Match Wits With  Children



      A little  girl was talking to her teacher about  whales. 
    The  teacher said it was physically impossible for a  whale to swallow a human because even though it  was a very large  mammal its throat was very  small. 
    The  little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a  whale. 
    Irritated,  the teacher reiterated that a whale could not  swallow a human; it was physically  impossible. 
    The  little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will  ask Jonah'. 
    The  teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to  hell?' 
    The  little girl replied, 'Then you ask  him'.
      
    A Kindergarten  teacher was observing her classroom of children  while they were drawing. She would occasionally  walk around to see each child's work. 
    As  she got to one little girl who was working  diligently, she asked what the drawing was. 
    The  girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
     
    The  teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what  God looks like.' 
    Without  missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing,  the girl replied, 'They will in a  minute.'
      
    A Sunday  school teacher was discussing the Ten  Commandments with her five and six year  olds. 
    After  explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy  Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a  commandment that teaches us how to treat our  brothers and sisters?' 
    From  the back, one little boy (the oldest of a  family) answered, 'Thou shall not  kill.'
      
    O NE day a  little girl was sitting and watching her mother  do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly  noticed that her mother had several strands of  white hair sticking out in contrast on her  brunette head. 
    She  looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,  'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?'
    Her  mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do  something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one  of my hairs turns white.' 
    The  little girl thought about this revelation for a  while and then said, 'Mommy, how come ALL of  grandma's hairs are  white?'
      I love  this one!!! 

    The  children had all been photographed, and the  teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy  a copy of the group picture. 
    'Just  think how nice it will be to look at it when you  are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer,  she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a  doctor.' 
    A  small voice at the back of the room rang out,  'And there's the teacher, she's  dead.'
      
    A teacher  was giving a lesson on the circulation of the  blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she  said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the  blood, as you know, would run into it, and I  would&nbsp

    S. E. NSW
  • Pat EPat E Posts: 12,316

    Looks like I was cut off so...

     oldie but goodie

     

     

    7  Reasons Not To Match Wits With  Children
    A little  girl was talking to her teacher about  whales.
    The  teacher said it was physically impossible for a  whale to swallow a human because even though it  was a very large  mammal its throat was very  small. 

    The  little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a  whale. 

    Irritated,  the teacher reiterated that a whale could not  swallow a human; it was physically  impossible. 

    The  little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will  ask Jonah'. 

    The  teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to  hell?' 

    The  little girl replied, 'Then you ask  him'.

     
    A Kindergarten  teacher was observing her classroom of children  while they were drawing. She would occasionally  walk around to see each child's work. 

    As  she got to one little girl who was working  diligently, she asked what the drawing was. 

    The  girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' 

    The  teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what  God looks like.' 

    Without  missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing,  the girl replied, 'They will in a  minute.'

     
    A Sunday  school teacher was discussing the Ten  Commandments with her five and six year  olds. 

    After  explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy  Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a  commandment that teaches us how to treat our  brothers and sisters?' 

    From  the back, one little boy (the oldest of a  family) answered, 'Thou shall not  kill.'

     
    O NE day a  little girl was sitting and watching her mother  do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly  noticed that her mother had several strands of  white hair sticking out in contrast on her  brunette head. 

    She  looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,  'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?'

    Her  mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do  something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one  of my hairs turns white.' 

    The  little girl thought about this revelation for a  while and then said, 'Mommy, how come ALL of  grandma's hairs are  white?'

      I love  this one!!! 

    The  children had all been photographed, and the  teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy  a copy of the group picture.
    'Just  think how nice it will be to look at it when you  are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer,  she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a  doctor.' 

    A  small voice at the back of the room rang out,  'And there's the teacher, she's  dead.'

     
    A teacher  was giving a lesson on the circulation of the  blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she  said, 'Now, class

    S. E. NSW
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    USER: cabbage

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    USER: boiled cabbage

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    USER: 1 boiled cabbage

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    USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages

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    USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages

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    USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourA$$IfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!

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    USER: ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourA$$IfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow

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    A 'weed' is just a plant in the wrong place - subjective! ;)
  • Pat EPat E Posts: 12,316
    Good one, wild flower.

    S. E. NSW
  • Daisy33Daisy33 Posts: 1,031
    edited March 2018
  • StevedaylillyStevedaylilly Posts: 1,102
    A penguin walks in to a pub and asks the bar man for a pint of beer 
    The barman serves him and tell the penguin that will cost him £10 
    The barman the tells the penguin " We don't get many talking penguins come in here "
    The penguin replies " Well, at these prices icanplant understand why😀😀
  • StevedaylillyStevedaylilly Posts: 1,102
    A penguin walks in to a pub and asks the bar man for a pint of beer 
    The barman serves him and tell the penguin that will cost him £10 
    The barman then tells the penguin " We don't get many talking penguins coming in here 
    The penguin replies " well mate, at these prices what do you expect 
  • Pat EPat E Posts: 12,316
    Ha ha, Steve

    S. E. NSW
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