TT, I think learning to say no comes with a certain age, when you're young you want to please everyone, the older you get the easier it becomes to be selfish and look after No. 1!
TT, I think learning to say no comes with a certain age, when you're young you want to please everyone, the older you get the easier it becomes to be selfish and look after No. 1!
Sue, I would say the other way around, the older you get the less materialistic, the less selfish, but probably more outspoken. I probably say that from a comfortable standing although having money is not the answer to everything. Young people setting up and hitting money problems must think the world is ending, there seems no way out of the spiral and if they do not have the bank of mum and dad to fall back on as many have these days then what do they do? Mine have all borrowed one time or another and paid it back when things look up, daughter and Granddaughter came from California for Sundays Wedding helped by dad, happy to do so as it means I see them sooner than usual. Like us they are having to tighten belts, it is Global. A change of life style may look very attractive until you do it, then reality strikes home, it can cause anger, break up, the destruction of all your hopes. Never happened to me but did to people I know and not nice to watch. I have at times brought my lot back to ground level clipped their wings and ears when needed but they could have my last half penny if in trouble, that is family, one for all all for one.
Palaisglide your post is right on the mark what i will say is some youngsters are trying to run before they can walk as my father once said. A lot of it is how they are brought up as well working in the school it's sad to see how some parents go about bring a family up and it's the kids that come off the worst may i say. You know what my heart goes out for the younger girls & boys leaving school now and trying to start off in life with jobs,housing and the economy hopefully the future will get better for them glad am at this age never thought i would say that years ago.
FG, was little one's second birthday on Monday, we're having the cake tonight
TT, If it has wheels and an engine, I can say No all I want and he won't take a blind bit of notice - he probably would if it was one of our cars, but as neither of us has bank of Mum and Dad (OH's are no longer with us, mine are in Spain spending my inheritance!), he borrowed quite a bit of money from his sister, and he thinks if he doesn't fix the car, then her OH will want to go out and buy a new one, so will start pestering us for the money back, when he knows full well we haven't got it. He doesn't work (never really has), and is supported by OH's sister, which is one of the reasons why I don't have a very high opinion of him, he's one of those people that if you have a cold, he has flu, he tried to make out he had the same as I did, so I challenged him to go and get it diagnosed properly, the same things I had to go through, so we're still waiting for that. His philosophy is, if you can get someone else to do it, then that's OK by him. I don't think he's heard of self respect, he runs a mile if there's any graft to be done. They need a soakaway digging in their front because their land rover is making a mess of the front garden. His sister can't do it, because she has back problems, her OH won't do it as he's a waste of organs, I can't do it because he won't look after my little ones whilst I do the digging (yes, I know!), so it will have to be MY OH that does it. Some people seem quite happy sponging and commenting on those doing the hard work. heigh Ho, I'm sure Karma will come around and sort him out one day. Just hope I'm there when it does!!
I found out I could say no when it was pointed out to me that I had to be good to myself. It wasn't immediate but it got easier. I certainly don't think I am being selfish if what is being asked of me doesn't suit. I feel no guilt.
Only time I ever had any money was when my Dad passed away. Certainly couldn't rely on my parents to help me out at any time. My Dad's working life finished when he was 62 so what savings he had kept him going for the next 14 years. Not much left then, not that I expected any. Did benefit from the sale of his bungalow and have given generously to my 3 because, as I always say, you can't take it with you.
"mine are in Spain spending my inheritance!)" I hope you meant that jokingly! I presume they worked for their money so why shouldn't they enjoy spending it?
Yes, it was meant as a joke! They have both worked very hard for their money, and I hope they manage to spend it all before they shuffle off the mortal coil, but not so much that they have to worry about everyday things (if you know what I mean), I'm worrried that when I get old I'll worry about putting the fire on when it's cold, I am very nesh. Mum is terrified that she'll get put into a home if anything happens to Ian (my stepdad), and asked both me and my sister what we'd do if anything did happen. My sister replied 'well, if anything did happen, you'd have to come here until we find you somewhere suitable'. Meaning that she'd take my Mum in, con her out of all of her money, then put her in a home. When she asked me, I said we'd have to scrape some money together from somewhere so we could build an extension so she could come and live with us (Mum would not do solitary very well), we even discussed putting in a baby monitor in her room in case she had a diabetic hypo in her sleep. When she asked my Husband, he said he was in total agreement with me, as we had both helped to look after his Dad when he was terminally ill, parents are precious, as are children. It's very strange that even though we're sisters, my older sister cares more about money than she does about people - when my parents got divorced, she even 'hid' some of my biological father's money so Mum didn't get as much - for a percentage. Shocking.
I wonder are you the older sister, MMP? I am and I'm the dutiful one. My brother still (at 64!) still has a hang up about being bossed around by me and is much more into asserting his rights. Seems rather immature to me, but I suppose I wasn't in his position.
GG, I am number two daughter. Number one daughter is 11 years older than I am, number one son is 9 years older than I am, and number three daughter is 4 years younger than me. Number one son only just started talking to Mum after 25 years, number three daughter was talking to Mum and now isn't for some bizarre reason none of us can figure out. I am in sporadic contact with number one daughter, and tend to ignore number 3 daughter, as the stuff she posts on facebook would be better off on the Jeremy Kyle show.
Me? I've been accused of being stuck-up, sensible, utterly certifiable, using language that would make a navvy blush, and joined-up thinking. I will leave you to draw your own conclusions.
As for Mum, she is one of my best friends, and I don't like to see bad things happening to my friends, so would not want to see her in a home. When asked what she would do if it was my stepdad outlives my Mum (which is likely, as he is 5 years younger than she is, and doesn't have as much going wrong physically), she just said 'don't be a stranger'. I told him that our door is always open and I would be most offended if he didn't show up every year at Christmastime, and if he needed full-time care then it would be up to him if he would prefer to see out his days at home or in a home.
Mum's genes must be working REALLY hard to counteract my biological father's dodgy DNA.
I have a friend with similar problems and I'll say to you what I said to her - be glad you're the one with the kindness and good sense!
My bro and I had rather a troubled childhood, too, and I guess no-one gets off scott free from that. We're still dealing with our issues, and I think a part of the problems our parents had came from the things they themselves suffered as children. I can see my bro (who actually has high principles) getting more like my father as he gets older (and, strangely or not, his wife is quite a lot like my mother). I'm glad that at least my OH and I have not repeated their marriage. OH knew more about what loving family life is like than I did.
Posts
TT, I think learning to say no comes with a certain age, when you're young you want to please everyone, the older you get the easier it becomes to be selfish and look after No. 1!
Sue, I would say the other way around, the older you get the less materialistic, the less selfish, but probably more outspoken.
I probably say that from a comfortable standing although having money is not the answer to everything.
Young people setting up and hitting money problems must think the world is ending, there seems no way out of the spiral and if they do not have the bank of mum and dad to fall back on as many have these days then what do they do?
Mine have all borrowed one time or another and paid it back when things look up, daughter and Granddaughter came from California for Sundays Wedding helped by dad, happy to do so as it means I see them sooner than usual. Like us they are having to tighten belts, it is Global.
A change of life style may look very attractive until you do it, then reality strikes home, it can cause anger, break up, the destruction of all your hopes. Never happened to me but did to people I know and not nice to watch.
I have at times brought my lot back to ground level clipped their wings and ears when needed but they could have my last half penny if in trouble, that is family, one for all all for one.
Frank.
Palaisglide your post is right on the mark what i will say is some youngsters are trying to run before they can walk as my father once said. A lot of it is how they are brought up as well working in the school it's sad to see how some parents go about bring a family up and it's the kids that come off the worst may i say. You know what my heart goes out for the younger girls & boys leaving school now and trying to start off in life with jobs,housing and the economy hopefully the future will get better for them glad am at this age never thought i would say that years ago.
FG, was little one's second birthday on Monday, we're having the cake tonight
TT, If it has wheels and an engine, I can say No all I want and he won't take a blind bit of notice - he probably would if it was one of our cars, but as neither of us has bank of Mum and Dad (OH's are no longer with us, mine are in Spain spending my inheritance!), he borrowed quite a bit of money from his sister, and he thinks if he doesn't fix the car, then her OH will want to go out and buy a new one, so will start pestering us for the money back, when he knows full well we haven't got it. He doesn't work (never really has), and is supported by OH's sister, which is one of the reasons why I don't have a very high opinion of him, he's one of those people that if you have a cold, he has flu, he tried to make out he had the same as I did, so I challenged him to go and get it diagnosed properly, the same things I had to go through, so we're still waiting for that. His philosophy is, if you can get someone else to do it, then that's OK by him. I don't think he's heard of self respect, he runs a mile if there's any graft to be done. They need a soakaway digging in their front because their land rover is making a mess of the front garden. His sister can't do it, because she has back problems, her OH won't do it as he's a waste of organs, I can't do it because he won't look after my little ones whilst I do the digging (yes, I know!), so it will have to be MY OH that does it. Some people seem quite happy sponging and commenting on those doing the hard work. heigh Ho, I'm sure Karma will come around and sort him out one day. Just hope I'm there when it does!!
I found out I could say no when it was pointed out to me that I had to be good to myself. It wasn't immediate but it got easier. I certainly don't think I am being selfish if what is being asked of me doesn't suit. I feel no guilt.
Only time I ever had any money was when my Dad passed away. Certainly couldn't rely on my parents to help me out at any time. My Dad's working life finished when he was 62 so what savings he had kept him going for the next 14 years. Not much left then, not that I expected any. Did benefit from the sale of his bungalow and have given generously to my 3 because, as I always say, you can't take it with you.
"mine are in Spain spending my inheritance!)" I hope you meant that jokingly! I presume they worked for their money so why shouldn't they enjoy spending it?
Yes, it was meant as a joke! They have both worked very hard for their money, and I hope they manage to spend it all before they shuffle off the mortal coil, but not so much that they have to worry about everyday things (if you know what I mean), I'm worrried that when I get old I'll worry about putting the fire on when it's cold, I am very nesh. Mum is terrified that she'll get put into a home if anything happens to Ian (my stepdad), and asked both me and my sister what we'd do if anything did happen. My sister replied 'well, if anything did happen, you'd have to come here until we find you somewhere suitable'. Meaning that she'd take my Mum in, con her out of all of her money, then put her in a home. When she asked me, I said we'd have to scrape some money together from somewhere so we could build an extension so she could come and live with us (Mum would not do solitary very well), we even discussed putting in a baby monitor in her room in case she had a diabetic hypo in her sleep. When she asked my Husband, he said he was in total agreement with me, as we had both helped to look after his Dad when he was terminally ill, parents are precious, as are children. It's very strange that even though we're sisters, my older sister cares more about money than she does about people - when my parents got divorced, she even 'hid' some of my biological father's money so Mum didn't get as much - for a percentage. Shocking.
I wonder are you the older sister, MMP? I am and I'm the dutiful one. My brother still (at 64!) still has a hang up about being bossed around by me and is much more into asserting his rights. Seems rather immature to me, but I suppose I wasn't in his position.
GG, I am number two daughter. Number one daughter is 11 years older than I am, number one son is 9 years older than I am, and number three daughter is 4 years younger than me. Number one son only just started talking to Mum after 25 years, number three daughter was talking to Mum and now isn't for some bizarre reason none of us can figure out. I am in sporadic contact with number one daughter, and tend to ignore number 3 daughter, as the stuff she posts on facebook would be better off on the Jeremy Kyle show.
Me? I've been accused of being stuck-up, sensible, utterly certifiable, using language that would make a navvy blush, and joined-up thinking. I will leave you to draw your own conclusions.
As for Mum, she is one of my best friends, and I don't like to see bad things happening to my friends, so would not want to see her in a home. When asked what she would do if it was my stepdad outlives my Mum (which is likely, as he is 5 years younger than she is, and doesn't have as much going wrong physically), she just said 'don't be a stranger'. I told him that our door is always open and I would be most offended if he didn't show up every year at Christmastime, and if he needed full-time care then it would be up to him if he would prefer to see out his days at home or in a home.
Mum's genes must be working REALLY hard to counteract my biological father's dodgy DNA.
I have a friend with similar problems and I'll say to you what I said to her - be glad you're the one with the kindness and good sense!
My bro and I had rather a troubled childhood, too, and I guess no-one gets off scott free from that. We're still dealing with our issues, and I think a part of the problems our parents had came from the things they themselves suffered as children. I can see my bro (who actually has high principles) getting more like my father as he gets older (and, strangely or not, his wife is quite a lot like my mother). I'm glad that at least my OH and I have not repeated their marriage. OH knew more about what loving family life is like than I did.