I don’t think people really change. My daughters all have “mommy friends” so I am sorry your experience wasn’t better. I would say to anyone don’t have children unless you can’t live without them I adore mine but they are a constant source of worry and expense and stress but all of them also make me ridiculously happy. They are good people and the world needs good people. I cannot imagine my life without them. My daughter says her daughter is the most adorable, funny and annoying person she knows and I think that’s about right.
I am glad you feel you made the right decision being a parent isn’t for everyone and thankfully we now have choices.
We choose not to have kids & haven't regretted it. My wife, even now, occasionally gets accused of selfishness??! Incidentally, I've never - since the age of 5 - been either taken to nor picked up from school by either parent. I rode my bike, walked or, later on, caught the bus..in all weather's. This was the 70s (mainly)...being taken to school by mum or dad didn't seem to be so prevalent then.
Thank you @debs64 that's a lovely response. I'm so pleased that good, kind people have children, I see so much bad parenting where I live but as kids are a source of income, they continue to have more. I think it probably also has something to do with the fact that I grew up in a village in the country but due to circumstances, out of my control, we unfortunately live in a deprived area of a city. I see the worst of everything and it's so contrasting from how I would want to raise my children that I just couldn't see a solution.
I am though, a step months to two incredible mid twenty adults. Have helped raise them since they were five and have certainly had some influence and impact in their lives. Incredible people that give me hope for the future! Hard working, caring, engaged and kind.
I think I'm probably a bit set in my ways but I had such a wonderful childhood (thanks @Dovefromabove) that I would want to give my kids the same experience, no compromise, so no kids 😀
You can't win @Chris-P-Bacon. I have 4 children and some people think that's selfish. Like @debs64 I love them all dearly and my grandchildren. My children are all good people and work hard at good jobs.
Dordogne and Norfolk. Clay in Dordogne, sandy in Norfolk.
@WonkyWomble if you are a step mom you have all my admiration and you certainly don’t need anyone telling you how incredibly difficult and also really lovely it is to have children.
We are all selfish whatever our choices, nobody had a baby or didn’t have a baby for the good of society.
I am only grateful that we are slowly getting to a point where parenthood is a choice not something forced onto us by biology!
I wouldn’t judge anyone for their choices in this private matter but have been judged myself in the past. Maybe nowadays people are kinder.
@debs64 your right. I adore my step children! Take huge pride in them and chuckle to myself when I notice elements of my character reveal themselves in them.
Unfortunately I've had some bad experiences here.... The most upsetting was when a family of 14 moved into the rented flat above us and because they also wanted our rented flat with a garden, they took it in turns to knock on my door and tell me we should move as it was a family home and I was a broken woman for having no children. Thankfully social services after five years noticed the over crowding issue and threatened to cut their benefits if they didn't find accommodation with more bedrooms. Not exactly a pleasant time. We have a lovely neighbor now thankfully 😊
@Chris-P-Bacon, me too, and that was in the 50's. Took myself to school in the morning, walked home at dinner time for dinner, walked back to school after dinner and then got myself home at school finish time. This occurred from Junior school onwards.
I'm an engineer married to a son of an engineer. Engineer squared = autistic (something like x3 more likely than the population generally). Seemed better to just not.
A friend's Dad had a genetic disease and it wasn't possible in her childbearing years to get a test that would tell her if she was a carrier of the faulty gene.
There are many reasons why people chose not to have children. Not all of them are obvious, simple, or a subject to discuss in the pub. It's better to simply not form a judgement about other people's life choices.
I walked to school with my friend of the same age but no adults in the 1970s, from the age of about 5 or 6. The schools didn't have gates then, either. loads of entrances from all directions. Different times
Gardening on the edge of Exmoor, in Devon
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
"I'm an engineer married to a son of an engineer. Engineer squared = autistic (something like x3 more likely than the population generally). Seemed better to just not. There are many reasons why people chose not to have children. Not all of them are obvious, simple, or a subject to discuss in the pub. It's better to simply not form a judgement about other people's life choices."
Indeed @raisingirl. I didn't feel maternal at all until my mid 30s. My daughters won't have children, for reasons I won't put here. This also brings me back to my original question which people have jumped on. I genuinely wanted to know the reason for the odd comment because I don't always 'get' what people write. The downside of being autistic.
It's a place where beautiful isn't enough of a word....
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
Posts
Incidentally, I've never - since the age of 5 - been either taken to nor picked up from school by either parent. I rode my bike, walked or, later on, caught the bus..in all weather's. This was the 70s (mainly)...being taken to school by mum or dad didn't seem to be so prevalent then.
I'm so pleased that good, kind people have children, I see so much bad parenting where I live but as kids are a source of income, they continue to have more.
I think it probably also has something to do with the fact that I grew up in a village in the country but due to circumstances, out of my control, we unfortunately live in a deprived area of a city. I see the worst of everything and it's so contrasting from how I would want to raise my children that I just couldn't see a solution.
I am though, a step months to two incredible mid twenty adults. Have helped raise them since they were five and have certainly had some influence and impact in their lives.
Incredible people that give me hope for the future! Hard working, caring, engaged and kind.
I think I'm probably a bit set in my ways but I had such a wonderful childhood (thanks @Dovefromabove) that I would want to give my kids the same experience, no compromise, so no kids 😀
Unfortunately I've had some bad experiences here.... The most upsetting was when a family of 14 moved into the rented flat above us and because they also wanted our rented flat with a garden, they took it in turns to knock on my door and tell me we should move as it was a family home and I was a broken woman for having no children.
Thankfully social services after five years noticed the over crowding issue and threatened to cut their benefits if they didn't find accommodation with more bedrooms.
Not exactly a pleasant time.
We have a lovely neighbor now thankfully 😊
A friend's Dad had a genetic disease and it wasn't possible in her childbearing years to get a test that would tell her if she was a carrier of the faulty gene.
There are many reasons why people chose not to have children. Not all of them are obvious, simple, or a subject to discuss in the pub. It's better to simply not form a judgement about other people's life choices.
I walked to school with my friend of the same age but no adults in the 1970s, from the age of about 5 or 6. The schools didn't have gates then, either. loads of entrances from all directions. Different times
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
There are many reasons why people chose not to have children. Not all of them are obvious, simple, or a subject to discuss in the pub. It's better to simply not form a judgement about other people's life choices."
Indeed @raisingirl. I didn't feel maternal at all until my mid 30s. My daughters won't have children, for reasons I won't put here.
This also brings me back to my original question which people have jumped on. I genuinely wanted to know the reason for the odd comment because I don't always 'get' what people write.
The downside of being autistic.
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...