Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Now, her mother couldn't buy a kitten and parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl. 'You're getting your Christmas present a week early this year,' her mother explained and handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten. 'Is that what you want?'
The little girl, whose name was Kitty, said, 'It's wonderful, mother...just what I wanted. There's just one thing wrong!' 'What's that?' her mother asked. 'Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and a cute little claw on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws!'
Her mother smiled. 'Don't worry, Kitty....when you wake up on Christmas morning you'll find the claws are there.'
Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worried about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days passed and there wasn't even a hint, a clue or an inkling of claws in the middle of its paws!
When Christmas Eve arrived and there was still no sign, Kitty went to her mother and asked again, 'Are you absolutely sure that the kitten will have its middle claws tomorrow? There's only a few hours to go and there's not a hint or clue or an inkling as to claws as far as I can see!'
'Wait till you wake up on Christmas morning,' her mother smiled and went on stuffing the turkey.
So Kitty went to sleep a worried girl. And when she woke up on Christmas morning she ignored the presents in her stocking and rushed downstairs to look at her little kitten.
She was astounded, amazed and just a little surprised to see that her kitten had four claws on every paw! The middle ones had appeared as if by magic.
Kitty rushed to her parent's bedroom. 'Mummy, Mummy! The kitten has grown its middle claws!'
'Of course it has,' her mother grinned. 'But how did you know?' Kitty demanded. Her father rolled over sleepily and sighed, 'Oh, Kitty, everybody knows....that Centre-claws always comes at Christmas!'
Barbies letter to Santa ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,
Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from too many tea parties. I hate to break it to you Santa, but it is DEFINITELY pay back time!!
There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you don't want to be around to smell it!) So, here's my holiday wish list for this year, Santa.
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to be cheap and mold imitation underwear to my skin? It looks like cellulite!!!
3. A REAL man....maybe G.I.Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that wimped out excuse for a boy-toy Ken. And what's with the earring anyway? If I'm going to have to suffer with him, for christ's sakes, make us anatomically correct.
4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.
5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just do it!!
6. A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.
7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!!
8. A new, more 90's persona. Maybe a "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, fitted with fake fur coat, bottle of spray blood and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie", sporting a Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.
9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.
10. mattel stock options. It's been 37 years-I think I deserve it!
Okay Santa, that's it. considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas. It's that simple.
Just finished Passport renewal application.Why does filling in those sort of forms always make me nervous, both of us need to renew before next April so thought I had better do one this month and leave the other till after Christmas, help spread the cost, at £72.50 each it's not cheap.
Oh has just made a nice cup of tea, always taste better when someone else makes it., but no cake can't get the staff.
Geoff, Where do you get them from
I bet the circulation of Garden News has gone up this week Pam, by the way lovely flowers in pic, I've still got a few penstemons, cosmos and dahlias just hanging on don't want to pull them up/ cut them back until absolutely forced to..
Posts
No, you didn't mislead.
Your colourful display in the Summer was what I associated your garden with, so I assumed the article would have been about that.
Although you have posted a lot of vegetable photos, here, on this thread, during the past month.
It was still interesting to read.
How long have you been writing for the mag Pam?? How exciting. You're a celeb!
Christmas joke of the day~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Now, her mother couldn't buy a kitten and parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl.
'You're getting your Christmas present a week early this year,' her mother explained and handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten. 'Is that what you want?'
The little girl, whose name was Kitty, said, 'It's wonderful, mother...just what I wanted. There's just one thing wrong!'
'What's that?' her mother asked.
'Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and a cute little claw on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws!'
Her mother smiled. 'Don't worry, Kitty....when you wake up on Christmas morning you'll find the claws are there.'
Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worried about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days passed and there wasn't even a hint, a clue or an inkling of claws in the middle of its paws!
When Christmas Eve arrived and there was still no sign, Kitty went to her mother and asked again, 'Are you absolutely sure that the kitten will have its middle claws tomorrow? There's only a few hours to go and there's not a hint or clue or an inkling as to claws as far as I can see!'
'Wait till you wake up on Christmas morning,' her mother smiled and went on stuffing the turkey.
So Kitty went to sleep a worried girl. And when she woke up on Christmas morning she ignored the presents in her stocking and rushed downstairs to look at her little kitten.
She was astounded, amazed and just a little surprised to see that her kitten had four claws on every paw! The middle ones had appeared as if by magic.
Kitty rushed to her parent's bedroom. 'Mummy, Mummy! The kitten has grown its middle claws!'
'Of course it has,' her mother grinned.
'But how did you know?' Kitty demanded.
Her father rolled over sleepily and sighed, 'Oh, Kitty, everybody knows....that Centre-claws always comes at Christmas!'
That is awful!!!
Whoops I meant cut off dead leaves from agapanthus.
Sitting in front of fire OH in garden chopping more wood for fire. There is loads cut but if he doesn't keep it topped up will soon disappear.
Was an interesting read Pam. Made mesearch for current GW. Eventually found under the settee.
Someone tried to teach me Bridge - they gave up! Must have been a 'rivetting' radio programme
Becks - I have been writing every month for about 2 1/2 years - they will probably get fed up with me soon - I do hope not though as I really enjoy it
Pa LL x
I now it was a rubbish joke- but the build up is tremendous
Will find another one
I had a puzzle published once and won a bottle of port-does that make me a celeb as well?
Ha ha ha. No geoff, you just got lucky!
I bet you do Pam! Excellent.
Barbies letter to Santa ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa,
Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing
suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from too many tea parties. I hate to break it to you Santa, but it is DEFINITELY pay back
time!!
There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you don't want to be around to smell it!) So, here's my holiday wish list for this year, Santa.
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are
these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to be cheap and mold imitation underwear to my skin? It looks like cellulite!!!
3. A REAL man....maybe G.I.Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that wimped out excuse for a boy-toy Ken. And what's with the earring
anyway? If I'm going to have to suffer with him, for christ's sakes, make us anatomically correct.
4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.
5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just do it!!
6. A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.
7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!!
8. A new, more 90's persona. Maybe a "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, fitted with fake fur coat, bottle of spray blood and handcuffs; or "Stop
Smoking Barbie", sporting a Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.
9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.
10. mattel stock options. It's been 37 years-I think I deserve it!
Okay Santa, that's it. considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas. It's that simple.
Yours truly,
Barbie
Afternoon all.
Just finished Passport renewal application.Why does filling in those sort of forms always make me nervous
, both of us need to renew before next April so thought I had better do one this month and leave the other till after Christmas, help spread the cost, at £72.50 each it's not cheap.
Oh has just made a nice cup of tea, always taste better when someone else makes it.
, but no cake
can't get the staff.
Geoff, Where do you get them from
I bet the circulation of Garden News has gone up this week Pam, by the way lovely flowers in pic, I've still got a few penstemons, cosmos and dahlias just hanging on don't want to pull them up/ cut them back until absolutely forced to..