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Is it cheeky to ask for plant updates after I give them away?

JacquimcmahonJacquimcmahon Posts: 1,039
in The potting shed
Hi everyone, it’s been a while!

My mum unexpectedly passed away a few wakes ago and I’m at the “clearing out” stage. I will be giving away a lot of her potted plants, especially her hydrangeas which were her pride and joy.

Do you think it’s cheeky of me to ask for photos of them next year? Mum pruned them all too early this year and did not get a single flower. As most were gifts from my dad she was really upset. I would love to know that they will be loved in their new homes once I can no longer take care of them.

Marne la vallée, basically just outside Paris 🇫🇷, but definitely Scottish at heart.
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  • wild edgeswild edges Posts: 10,497
    It never hurts to ask. I tend to be the opposite and send people update photos whether they ask for them or not. Especially if the plant is doing better than expected.
    If you can keep your head, while those around you are losing theirs, you may not have grasped the seriousness of the situation.
  • NollieNollie Posts: 7,529
    I’m so sorry about your loss. But I’m absolutely with Dove. It would be so embarrassing and awkward for the recipient if they had died or look a sorry mess. You have physically given them away and, hard as it may be, you need to let go emotionally too.
    Mountainous Northern Catalunya, Spain. Hot summers, cold winters.
  • JennyJJennyJ Posts: 10,576
    Me too. They'd feel bad enough if the plant wasn't doing well or had died (whether that's because life got in the way or just because of weather or pests or something) without having to tell you about it and (maybe) upset you.
    Doncaster, South Yorkshire. Soil type: sandy, well-drained
  • FireFire Posts: 19,096
    I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be a terrible tough time.

    I'm in the other camp - I think it's fine to say - before you give them -  that you would love updates and pics because the plants are very special to you. I think it may well encourage people to look after them more carefully. Be open and honest. Obviously, life happens and sometimes plants die - but it seems this would be a special project - a bit like sharing out a national collection, if you will. Offer ideas on nurturance and cultivation.
    ---
    I'm always asking how plants are doing, because I'm interested and want to learn. It's only through feedback in our garden group that I can find out if plants I give are being looked after at all. If they say "oh no, I didn't water for months it and it died" then I am unlikely to give lots in the future. Clearly we all learn as we go, I am fed up with hundreds of fabulous plants I give just dying of neglect. I'd rather find good homes where people at least make an effort. Some projects - like giving roses - just hasn't worked as I have found they are too specialist and particular and they all just died, so I have stopped that.


  • LynLyn Posts: 23,190
    I wouldn’t outright ask but if I came across the person in the street or shop I may say ‘I hope the plants took ok for you’. That will leave them to say they did , or lie even. 
    I can understand how you feel with your mum dying though and the plants going,  I feel certain obligations to plants here that my dad grew and loved. 
    Gardening on the wild, windy west side of Dartmoor. 

  • AnniDAnniD Posts: 12,585
    I'm sorry to hear about your Mum.

    I think a lot depends on who you are giving them to, and whether or not you think they are keen gardeners.
    You could say that they could send you a photo "if they would like to" and leave the ball in their court.

    I understand where you are coming from. I lost my Mum just over a year ago, and several years before (when she could no longer garden) l took various plants from her garden and divided them, took cuttings etc.
    The plants were then donated to various charity shops around the area. I like to think that in a strange way, my Mum's legacy lives on around the county :) .
  • FireFire Posts: 19,096
    wild edges said:
    It might be worth including a card or something with the plant and put growing tips and plant details on there.

    I find cut up plastic milk bottles good for writing tips on - the label can be as large or small as you like. You can slide it into side of the plant so there is a reminder of what the plant likes. If something is precious to you, it's fine to say it's precious.
  • steveTusteveTu Posts: 3,219
    My wife haunts me every night in my dreams asking me what the bl**dy hell I've done to her garden and the plants she left me to care for.
    UK - South Coast Retirement Campus (East)
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