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Helping non gardeners
debs64
Posts: 5,184
Hi all, just interested really in how other members cope with helping friends and family who are non gardeners but ask for advice. I am always pleased when someone shows an interest and happy to give advice but sometimes it’s tricky, my sister, a lovely woman who I adore, has a small garden that she wants to “look nice”. She has no interest in gardening really and however many times I tell her “that plant won’t suit the spot you have “she persists in buying and planting them and then complains when they die. She has a gorgeous rose in a wooden planter but it’s inMPC because that’s cheaper and “it’s all soil isn’t it” she doesn’t feed it or water it enough and it is struggling.
My middle daughter is similar, every year I did hanging baskets for all 3 of my girls and every year she neglects hers and it dies but she would be hurt if I didn’t give her one. I apologise to the plants I put in her basket and feel so bad I have stopped doing them this year for anyone.
How does one offer constructive criticism without being critical? I know people think I am “obsessed “ with plants but my garden does pretty well.
These are people I love I don’t want to fall out with them.
How do others manage this situation?
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Posts
And get reported for being "rude".
"Have nothing in your garden that you don't know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful."
If you adopt the former approach, and they ask why, you'd just have to bite the bullet and say they don't stay alive because you aren't listening to my advice.
I'm glad mine aren't remotely interested!
Perhaps you could say you can't afford to keep giving them plants...
I give plants to my sister, or other relations, now and again, but once they leave my property, I don't really care what they do with them. Same as houses/gardens - when you move, it's not yours any more so that's that. I'm not very sentimental about things though.
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
This.
Buy something different for your non-gardening daughter instead of wasting time and money on plants for her to kill.
Stop buying them plants - waste of time and money - and tell them that if they ask. better to give them nothing at all if you can't find an alternative gift they'll care about.
If they do ask for advice just refuse and explain politely why - previous advice has been ignored and plants have struggled or died so no point giving any more advice which will go unheeded.
Meanwhile, care for your own plants and garden and give a hanging basket to the two who do care in the hope that your results will one day light the bulb in the other pair's brain and they get it. Care for your family in other ways than giving plants doomed to wither.
I wouldn’t give your sister any more plants, perhaps a cheap and simple gardening book instead, or as someone has suggested, forward any relevant articles or posts that you see. Up to her to follow the advice or not, and she can’t blame you!
Re the hanging baskets, it seems a shame to deprive your other daughters of the pleasure of your efforts. Perhaps you can mentally treat the doomed basket as not unlike buying your daughter some cut flowers, enjoyed for a short time only. And maybe get your other daughters to forward some pictures of their thriving baskets!
Would a planted up pot be easier care for the neglectful daughter, with instructions to park it in the shade but exposed to the rain? Or maybe a tasteful dried flower arrangement for the house!