The OP has already blocked him on social media, as she said ages ago.
Wishing you luck with all the changes, @gilla.walmsley - you certainly have a decent amount of space there for making the garden everything you want it to be.
'If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.'
Thank you, yes I removed him and made my account so no one can contact me! However I don't want to really go to the lengths of blocking his phone number because because we do need to interact about house stuff once every now and then and in the interest of keeping civil relations with my neighbours I am trying not to go OTT. It's such a difficult one to get the balance right with.
Yes today is only quote 1! More will happen! Very exciting
First, I really do think you're making the right decision. Moving house is both stressful and very expensive and there's no guarantee you'll be any better off. Staying in a house you like and spending money on making it into your sanctuary seems a much better option. If you eventually decide tomove you will recoup at least some of the financial outlay if the house looks nicer.
I agree with the others that making small intimate areas both close to and around your garden will help you to regain a sense of sanctuary and privacy. You may still hear your neighbours but, if you can't see them and (more importantly) if the creep can't stand and watch you, you will feel happier.
My advice to you would be to work out how much it would have cost you to move - stamp duty, legal and estate agent fees, removal costs and a sum for the works you would always want to do in a new property. It will be a frightening amount.
You can then justify setting aside a significant proportion of that sum to get these works done well. It may be worth asking a garden designer to come in and help with your plans. A good, well thought through design will save expensive mistakes and most designers will make an initial visit FOC. A rough plan to scale will not be too expensive. The costs start to kick in when they do detailed planting plans, coordinating works etc and you can probably do that yourself.
A patio and pergola next to the house sound like a good starting point but I think you have a rendered house. Make sure you leave good access for maintaining and painting the upper wall.
I know you're keen to get started but don't rush this planning stage. We've got 6 months now when both they and you won't be outside as much. Take your time to plan something good. Your garden as it is now is a nice size but still something of a blank canvas - you can make something quite spectacular.
I would also recommend sourcing a copy of Geoff Hamilton's "Paradise Gardens" - it was a series devoted to creating small, private and secluded gardens no matter what your surroundings. Even better if you can get the DVD.
I miss Geoff🙂
Edited to add: Just found you could get copies of both dvd and the book (used) for less than £10 for the 2 off Amazon. Money well spent I think....😎
Heaven is ... sitting in the garden with a G&T and a cat while watching the sun go down
Would it be possible to contact the wife/partner instead of the creepy man, or is she the type who expects the man to deal with all the house stuff?
When you've got your garden work booked in, maybe you could knock on the door when he's out to tell her that you're having work done and apologise in advance for any noise that there might be, see if you could at least get on with her. He might be less creepy if you're on neighbourly speaking terms with his wife.
Doncaster, South Yorkshire. Soil type: sandy, well-drained
Jenny that's a really good idea. He is the one that always contacts me about house stuff so I think he's the one that deals with it all, but I do actually have her number too so there is no reason why I can't try to interact with her more.
I can't believe how much help I've got from this thread! - Design ideas for my garden - Clarity that everywhere is at risk of noisy neighbours - Recommendation for noise cancelling headphones - Advice on how to deal with Mr Creepy - Advice on the size my raised beds need to be - Instructions for how to build my pergola - Recommendations for water features
And I'm sure there is more! I'm a bit bowled over with how helpful everyone has been
I've learned over time to use email to communicate with some folk, rather than text or social media. If it's a couple I send the email to both if they don't have a shared email address. It's a bit more formal, and good to have a print-off-able record of what's been said.
When we had work done here (new fences, tree felling/pollarding etc) I emailed all the neighbours apologising for noise and disturbance etc as soon as I had an approximate date, and the day before the workmen turned up I sent reminders.
The people behind (the ones with the boys with the football and the trampoline) were so pleased that I'd kept them informed that they made their garden available to the tree men so that they could drop branches carefully in their direction rather than risk the greenhouse in the garden to the right of the tree. I was surprised and pleased by how co-operative the neighbours were ... I really didn't know them ... we'd only ever exchanged a few words and we've been here since 2011.
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
/////// I would also recommend sourcing a copy of Geoff Hamilton's "Paradise Gardens" - it was a series devoted to creating small, private and secluded gardens no matter what your surroundings. Even better if you can get the DVD.
I miss Geoff🙂
Well said.
I considered after the sad demise of Geoff, it was a bad step of the BBC boosting the career of the "perennial plant potter" Alan Titchmarsh (a one time winner of the award for "bad sex in a novel!") as he seemed to be in "everything" for many years.
I used to enjoy Geoff's programmes. He wasn't at all "full of himself" as is Titchmarsh.
gilla.walmsley, unfortunately this guy has clearly go under your skin and once that happens it's difficult not to get more and more wound up by them. You did say though that you don't believe he stands where he does for a smoke to be intentionally provocative. Many of us tend to be in a little world of our own when in the garden, so hopefully that is also true for him.
I'm not suggesting for one moment that some aspect of his behaviour make you justifiably uncomfortable.
I’m of the same mind, @KT53. I often lean against the radiator idling looking out the window but the people in the house opposite could easily think I am staring at them.
Gilla’s neighbour’s texting record, however, suggests intrusion rather than introversion.
There are some folk who just don’t get that other folk find frequent texting intrusive, just as some folk really don’t get that what they see as ‘friendly banter’ is actually an over-familiar pestering nuisance. I knew someone like that … he really didn’t know how almost everyone, especially females, dreaded him contacting them. He liked that sort of quite personal chat … he didn’t understand that other people had different boundaries. I’d known him since he was very young and got to know his wife too … he was quite emotionally needy (had been fostered and not well). I knew he was harmless … he just had very poor social skills. It was sad really.
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
Posts
Wishing you luck with all the changes, @gilla.walmsley - you certainly have a decent amount of space there for making the garden everything you want it to be.
Yes today is only quote 1! More will happen! Very exciting
First, I really do think you're making the right decision. Moving house is both stressful and very expensive and there's no guarantee you'll be any better off. Staying in a house you like and spending money on making it into your sanctuary seems a much better option. If you eventually decide tomove you will recoup at least some of the financial outlay if the house looks nicer.
I agree with the others that making small intimate areas both close to and around your garden will help you to regain a sense of sanctuary and privacy. You may still hear your neighbours but, if you can't see them and (more importantly) if the creep can't stand and watch you, you will feel happier.
My advice to you would be to work out how much it would have cost you to move - stamp duty, legal and estate agent fees, removal costs and a sum for the works you would always want to do in a new property. It will be a frightening amount.
You can then justify setting aside a significant proportion of that sum to get these works done well. It may be worth asking a garden designer to come in and help with your plans. A good, well thought through design will save expensive mistakes and most designers will make an initial visit FOC. A rough plan to scale will not be too expensive. The costs start to kick in when they do detailed planting plans, coordinating works etc and you can probably do that yourself.
A patio and pergola next to the house sound like a good starting point but I think you have a rendered house. Make sure you leave good access for maintaining and painting the upper wall.
I know you're keen to get started but don't rush this planning stage. We've got 6 months now when both they and you won't be outside as much. Take your time to plan something good. Your garden as it is now is a nice size but still something of a blank canvas - you can make something quite spectacular.
I would also recommend sourcing a copy of Geoff Hamilton's "Paradise Gardens" - it was a series devoted to creating small, private and secluded gardens no matter what your surroundings. Even better if you can get the DVD.
I miss Geoff🙂
Edited to add: Just found you could get copies of both dvd and the book (used) for less than £10 for the 2 off Amazon. Money well spent I think....😎
I can't believe how much help I've got from this thread!
- Design ideas for my garden
- Clarity that everywhere is at risk of noisy neighbours
- Recommendation for noise cancelling headphones
- Advice on how to deal with Mr Creepy
- Advice on the size my raised beds need to be
- Instructions for how to build my pergola
- Recommendations for water features
And I'm sure there is more! I'm a bit bowled over with how helpful everyone has been
When we had work done here (new fences, tree felling/pollarding etc) I emailed all the neighbours apologising for noise and disturbance etc as soon as I had an approximate date, and the day before the workmen turned up I sent reminders.
The people behind (the ones with the boys with the football and the trampoline) were so pleased that I'd kept them informed that they made their garden available to the tree men so that they could drop branches carefully in their direction rather than risk the greenhouse in the garden to the right of the tree. I was surprised and pleased by how co-operative the neighbours were ... I really didn't know them ... we'd only ever exchanged a few words and we've been here since 2011.
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.