I agree that churches (esp old ones) can have strict rules about these things. I think primroses could be nice as they don't look terrible as they die back. How a flower dies is as important as how it lives. Mexican fleabane? Flowers all season long and looks after itself.
I really like the idea of Mexican fleablane Fire, what a good idea. We're going up to my Mum's grave later this week so will try to buy some on the way. It's so pretty but unassuming, I don't think anyone will mind if it does spread.
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