it's been a hilarious read @lesleybaxter24 and you've been a very good sport
And you’re not the first so don’t worry 😉 I remember a few years ago someone sent in a photo of their lovely ‘tomato plant’ ... it was huge ... probably the hugest healthiest ‘Fat Hen’ we’d ever seen. It was horrid bursting their bubble 😢
Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.
I wonder if it’s too late to sow some more, you could go to the supermarket, choose a pepper you like, I always buy the long banana shaped ones, take the seeds out and sow shallow straight away. Best straight off the pepper.
They germinate very quickly should be up in a week.
Gardening on the wild, windy west side of Dartmoor.
cucumbers should be fairly easy to germinate and should have germinated by the time it took for those weeds to grow that big... Peppers on the other hand take 4 weeks minimum in soil to even start germinating. I prefer to start peppers off in damp toilet paper in a tupperware container where I can keep an eye on them and the temperature will be constant. After a month or so when the first root pops out of the seed I very carefully pot them up into soil and they usually do ok. If they have been out exposed to the rain I would give pepper seeds a 10% survival rate no matter what seed company they were from. Suttons is good.
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Gardening in Central Norfolk on improved gritty moraine over chalk ... free-draining.