I've moved around a lot living in everything from shared houses, large detached, 30's semi, flats with shared garden, flats with no garden, a 2up 2down terrace and my present smallholding. Sometimes I knew the neighbours, but more often than not we never spoke, The large detached house was built in the 30's and had a large mature garden, it has great privacy but we also spoke to and visited all three neighbours, they all came to my grandfathers funeral and they arranged for the front porch to be decorated with flowers unbeknown to us while we were at the service. Right now I have two neighbours both are over 100m away and neither can see into/onto any of my land one we talk to/share things with, the other is a grumpy old hermit. I suspect part of the difference is that many people do not stay in one place now, and therefore there is not the need to know neihbours, it may also have to do with not needing to know neighbours, back in the day you might have had more need to borrow items or money when things got tough, now one can rely on the state I think the reason for not being connected with neighbours is quite possible the same as to why we are not so connected to families/spouses either. We simpy do not have the same need as we used to have.
We're looking at moving, and we will not consider a house with a neighbour closer than 100m I really like having a 100% private garden. On the other hand I do try to talk to the neighbours, they'll all be here for a road meeting this month.
We lived in a small terraced house for a few years. Neighbours in every direction. We knew the chap two doors down to speak to, he had lived in the street for years. I can't remember how we got talking, but anyway, we did. Everyone else in the road we might know a face to wave vaguely, but never spoke to anyone. Even though there was a pub at the end of the road, we generally didn't go there. Most people were of a similar age - 20s and 30s - everyone was working. We'd all get in our cars every morning, waving vaguely if we saw a familiar face. Go to work. Come home. Get stressed about who was parked in who's spot. Weekends, get in the car, go shopping. Or get in the car, visit rellies, get in the car, go out to the countryside. The gardens were small, but the neighbours were strangers, so we never spoke.
We moved from there to a village where there was nowhere to park outside a lot of the houses. You had to stop in the middle of the street to unload the shopping, then drive to the end of the village to park and walk back to the house. Every morning and evening, I'd walk down the High Street to my car and home again. And every day I'd see someone as I went and say hello. And as we all walked there and back, we'd have brief conversations. And eventually, we'd start 'meet you in the pub for a drink later?'. And by the time we'd been there a year, we knew dozens of people - their names, what they did for work, how long they'd lived there. When we saw them in the garden we'd stop, say hello, admire a plant, swap seeds and cuttings. They were no longer strangers so not threatening. Interestingly, we hardly knew any of the people who lived on the edge of the village and who parked cars in their drives. The community was based around those of us who walked past each other's front doors.
After that we moved to a larger house on the edge of a city. We knew most people, none of them knew each other. The difference? By then we had dogs and would walk up and down the road every day, stop and have a brief word with people we saw in their gardens. Always just 'in passing', never a long chat. We'd been there the least time but knew more about neighbours than people who'd been there for years, living next door, waving vaguely.
If you don't know your neighbours at all, they seem more threatening, so you want privacy from them. Put a name to the face, and it's much less of a problem.
Gardening on the edge of Exmoor, in Devon
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
Agree with Karen and Hosta. Happy to chat with people round about if I'm in the front garden, which is 'visible', but I have no desire to have the world and his wife chatting over a fence when I'm in the back garden and want to have some peace and/or get on with jobs and listen to the radio etc. Lots of loud noise at work too, but I also have chatting there, so that's more than enough socialising for me.
It's a place where beautiful isn't enough of a word....
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
If I never saw my neighbour again, it would be too soon. However, we were friendly with the people who lived there before, I gave her quite a lot of help with the garden, and we would sometimes go out for a drink, or for dinner.
How can you lie there and think of England When you don't even know who's in the team
Lots of loud noise at work too, but I also have chatting there, so that's more than enough socialising for me.
I don't know if it's necessarily about socialising. We live in a little hamlet here, just 3 houses. One of them I might have a cup of tea when I drop round a few plants, I feed their cat if they're away. I might stop for 5 minutes when I walk past with the dogs. That's probably the sort of thing most people had in mind. But the other one we rarely see - he works long hours. But he came out and helped when we got a puncture and couldn't get the wheel off. And when he had a real tragedy to deal with and was in a complete panic, it was our door he knocked on for help. That's really what you need from neighbours - not dinner. Just to know they will come and help when you most need it.
Which is not to say it isn't good to have neighbours that are your friends - it's just unlikely that you'll find yourself living next door to someone with whom you have much in common - not enough for a regular dinner party. But to know them well enough for the sherry at Christmas, to trust them to keep an eye on your house while you're away - even to leave a spare key with them - is much better actually than someone who's going to be a pest hanging over the fence when you just want peace and quiet.
Certainly being confident they won't chop your trees down or poison your dog while you're out seems little enough to ask. We've had that sort of neighbour too. It makes life very stressful
Gardening on the edge of Exmoor, in Devon
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
R'girl - I think after escaping from my last partner, it's made me crave peace and quiet even more. Can't wait to retire, and hopefully go somewhere up north. Your size of little hamlet would suit me fine, and good when the neighbours aren't constantly in your pocket, but are there when needed I like my own company, so I don't crave other people's very much - the girls at work are plenty - and I prefer the neighbours to be at arm's length now
It's a place where beautiful isn't enough of a word....
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
Completely agree, Fairy. We liked living in the village and having raucous nights down the pub (and a couple of really wild New Year's Eves ). It was a laugh. But we were in our early 30s then and - apart from anything else - enjoyed a drink and aimless chatter. 20 years on and we don't want the same things. Sitting around talking about nothing much for hours - I lose patience after about 10 minutes these days. I do think though that being a good neighbour is a skill you have to learn. And having learned, you can chose not to practice anymore
Gardening on the edge of Exmoor, in Devon
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
I have always been bored very quickly just sitting in a pub yakking. Happy to work in one when I needed a boost to my income from my full time job but much prefer pubs as eateries these days. Apart from lunches with our new neighbours so we could get to know each other, all our social activity here is based on a hobby - golf, gardening, patchwork, mosaic, dancing and that means going out and being sociable over a shared interest then coming home to peace and quiet.
Perfect.
Vendée - 20kms from Atlantic coast.
"The price good men (and women) pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men (and women)."
I certainly think that neighbourliness is scarce. When I think about my immediate neighbours - all we really do is wave when someone is reversing out or in into their drive! We sometimes chat if we are doing jobs in the front garden so perhaps that would be augmented if our back gardens were less separated by trees and fences?? I wonder if the age of driving everywhere and communicating through social media makes us less likely to actually walk past people, see them in the local shop or at community events? If I had dogs or little people, I wonder if my experience would be different too? Re privacy, I think people do crave that. I certainly do. I would put having a private garden near the top of my essential house-buying criteria. Having likeminded and quiet neighbours (preferably with no kids or power tools) is a gem find, although that will never be in any house description!
My area is fairly well to do, not rich, but well off. We constantly get hit by burglaries. One month police reported 32 burglaries. All my neighbours have been burgled. I have high beech hedges and a six foot fence, all round my garden there are also other barriers and some cameras. So far I am lucky (touch wood) . Police have told me that groups of Romanian burglars arrive in minibuses, raid an area, then back on the motorway before being detected. The area is neighbourly, but times have changed.
Posts
We lived in a small terraced house for a few years. Neighbours in every direction. We knew the chap two doors down to speak to, he had lived in the street for years. I can't remember how we got talking, but anyway, we did. Everyone else in the road we might know a face to wave vaguely, but never spoke to anyone. Even though there was a pub at the end of the road, we generally didn't go there. Most people were of a similar age - 20s and 30s - everyone was working. We'd all get in our cars every morning, waving vaguely if we saw a familiar face. Go to work. Come home. Get stressed about who was parked in who's spot. Weekends, get in the car, go shopping. Or get in the car, visit rellies, get in the car, go out to the countryside. The gardens were small, but the neighbours were strangers, so we never spoke.
We moved from there to a village where there was nowhere to park outside a lot of the houses. You had to stop in the middle of the street to unload the shopping, then drive to the end of the village to park and walk back to the house. Every morning and evening, I'd walk down the High Street to my car and home again. And every day I'd see someone as I went and say hello. And as we all walked there and back, we'd have brief conversations. And eventually, we'd start 'meet you in the pub for a drink later?'. And by the time we'd been there a year, we knew dozens of people - their names, what they did for work, how long they'd lived there. When we saw them in the garden we'd stop, say hello, admire a plant, swap seeds and cuttings. They were no longer strangers so not threatening. Interestingly, we hardly knew any of the people who lived on the edge of the village and who parked cars in their drives. The community was based around those of us who walked past each other's front doors.
After that we moved to a larger house on the edge of a city. We knew most people, none of them knew each other. The difference? By then we had dogs and would walk up and down the road every day, stop and have a brief word with people we saw in their gardens. Always just 'in passing', never a long chat. We'd been there the least time but knew more about neighbours than people who'd been there for years, living next door, waving vaguely.
If you don't know your neighbours at all, they seem more threatening, so you want privacy from them. Put a name to the face, and it's much less of a problem.
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
Lots of loud noise at work too, but I also have chatting there, so that's more than enough socialising for me.
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
However, we were friendly with the people who lived there before, I gave her quite a lot of help with the garden, and we would sometimes go out for a drink, or for dinner.
When you don't even know who's in the team
S.Yorkshire/Derbyshire border
Which is not to say it isn't good to have neighbours that are your friends - it's just unlikely that you'll find yourself living next door to someone with whom you have much in common - not enough for a regular dinner party. But to know them well enough for the sherry at Christmas, to trust them to keep an eye on your house while you're away - even to leave a spare key with them - is much better actually than someone who's going to be a pest hanging over the fence when you just want peace and quiet.
Certainly being confident they won't chop your trees down or poison your dog while you're out seems little enough to ask. We've had that sort of neighbour too. It makes life very stressful
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
I like my own company, so I don't crave other people's very much - the girls at work are plenty - and I prefer the neighbours to be at arm's length now
I live in west central Scotland - not where that photo is...
“It's still magic even if you know how it's done.”
Perfect.
I certainly think that neighbourliness is scarce. When I think about my immediate neighbours - all we really do is wave when someone is reversing out or in into their drive! We sometimes chat if we are doing jobs in the front garden so perhaps that would be augmented if our back gardens were less separated by trees and fences??
I wonder if the age of driving everywhere and communicating through social media makes us less likely to actually walk past people, see them in the local shop or at community events? If I had dogs or little people, I wonder if my experience would be different too?
Re privacy, I think people do crave that. I certainly do. I would put having a private garden near the top of my essential house-buying criteria. Having likeminded and quiet neighbours (preferably with no kids or power tools) is a gem find, although that will never be in any house description!
Police have told me that groups of Romanian burglars arrive in minibuses, raid an area, then back on the motorway before being detected.
The area is neighbourly, but times have changed.