SOME CRACKING CRACKER JOKES~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia!
Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can 'ho ho ho'!
Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? Because he had a low "elf" esteem!
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson!
What do you call a cat in the desert? Sandy Claws!
Who delivers presents to cats? Santa Paws!
What do you call Father Christmas in the beach? Sandy Clause!
What did the sea Say to Santa? Nothing! It just waved!
What does Santa do with fat elves? He sends them to an Elf Farm!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws
What do you call Santa's little helpers? Subordinate clauses!
What do Santa's little helpers learn at school? The elf-abet!
What did Santa say to the smoker? Please don't smoke, it's bad for my elf!
Where do elves go to dance? Christmas Balls!
What type of Shoes does Santa wear when he travels on a train? Platforms!
What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit? Krisp Kringle!
How long do a reindeers legs have to be? Long enough so they can touch the ground!
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Horn-aments!
Did Rudolph go to school? No. He was Elf-taught!
What's worse than Rudolph with a runny nose? Frosty the snowman with a hot flush!
Why did the Rudolph cross the road? Because he was tied to the chicken!
Why did the turkey cross the road? Because he wasn't chicken!
Why did the turkey cross the road? Because it was the chicken's day off!
What happened to the turkey at Christmas? It got gobbled!
Why did the turkey join the band? Because it had the drumsticks!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps!
How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle
What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow!
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas? One that's deep pan, crisp and even!
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy!
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
How many letters are in the angelic alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has "no EL"!
What carol is heard in the desert? O camel ye faithful!
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas? Cross Mouse Cards!
What is the best xmas present in the world? A broken drum, you just can't beat it!
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad!
How did Scrooge with the football game? The ghost of christmas passed!
What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsilitis!
What is the worst disease that you get at Christmas? Excemas!
What's the most popular Christmas wine? 'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'
Why do ghosts live in the fridge? Because it's cool!
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He got 25 days!
What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? Nice gnawing you!
Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters? They keep loosing their needles!
What do crackers, fruitcake and nuts remind me of? You!
What's the best thing to put into a Christmas Cake? Your teeth!
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk? Jingle Smells!
Where would you find chili beans? At the north pole!
Why don't penguins fly? Because they're not tall enough to be pilots!
What do sheep say at Christmas? Wool-tide Bleatings! or A Merry Christmas to Ewe!
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
What's green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet? Mistle-toad!
Which football team did the baby Jesus support? Manger-ster United!
Knock Knock! Who's there? Pudding Pudding who? Pudding in your face!
Knock Knock Who's there? Snow Snow who? Snow business like show business!
Knock knock! Who's there? Hanna Hanna who? Hanna partridge in a pear tree!
Knock knock! Who's there? Holly Holly who? Holly-days are here again!
Santa went to the Doctors with a problem. Doctor: What seems to be the problem? Santa: I seem to have a mince pie stuck up my bottom! Doctor: Well your in luck because I've got just the cream for that!
Christmas One-liners~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two snowmen in a field, one turned to the other and said "I don't know about you but I can smell carrots."!
Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.
There were two biscuits, on a plate, all ready for Santa to eat. One biscuit decided to go and hide in the biscuit tin as it didn't want to get eaten. As it was going to the kitchen, Santa came in and stood on it and all the other biscuit could say was 'Crumbs'!.
Posts
I have just noticed something scary-there are 6666 threads on the forum-go to the latest posts page -but take someone with you
She must have heard me typing!
Here is todays pressie! It contains 3 edibles and a toy, which is fit for a princess.
I have just entered competition and am not a fan of MD, which suggests I will probably win one of his books
The toy is a frog of some sort
Plus more haribo goodies
Tiara and christmas tree chocs
Morning Becks hope you are both continuing to improve.
I am gradually going to lose the elf persona, keep wondering who it is on the posts
I thought it was going to be Christmas smilies today, or have I got the day wrong??
SOME CRACKING CRACKER JOKES~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can 'ho ho ho'!
Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low "elf" esteem!
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
What do you call a cat in the desert?
Sandy Claws!
Who delivers presents to cats?
Santa Paws!
What do you call Father Christmas in the beach?
Sandy Clause!
What did the sea Say to Santa?
Nothing! It just waved!
What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws
What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate clauses!
What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet!
What did Santa say to the smoker?
Please don't smoke, it's bad for my elf!
Where do elves go to dance?
Christmas Balls!
What type of Shoes does Santa wear when he travels on a train?
Platforms!
What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
Krisp Kringle!
How long do a reindeers legs have to be?
Long enough so they can touch the ground!
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!
Did Rudolph go to school?
No. He was Elf-taught!
What's worse than Rudolph with a runny nose?
Frosty the snowman with a hot flush!
Why did the Rudolph cross the road?
Because he was tied to the chicken!
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because he wasn't chicken!
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!
What happened to the turkey at Christmas?
It got gobbled!
Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle
What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even!
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!
How many letters are in the angelic alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has "no EL"!
What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful!
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross Mouse Cards!
What is the best xmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can't beat it!
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!
How did Scrooge with the football game?
The ghost of christmas passed!
What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis!
What is the worst disease that you get at Christmas?
Excemas!
What's the most popular Christmas wine?
'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'
Why do ghosts live in the fridge?
Because it's cool!
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days!
What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you!
Why are Christmas Trees like bad knitters? They keep loosing their needles!
What do crackers, fruitcake and nuts remind me of?
You!
What's the best thing to put into a Christmas Cake?
Your teeth!
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle Smells!
Where would you find chili beans?
At the north pole!
Why don't penguins fly?
Because they're not tall enough to be pilots!
What do sheep say at Christmas?
Wool-tide Bleatings! or A Merry Christmas to Ewe!
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
What's green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
Mistle-toad!
Which football team did the baby Jesus support?
Manger-ster United!
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Pudding
Pudding who?
Pudding in your face!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow business like show business!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Hanna
Hanna who?
Hanna partridge in a pear tree!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Holly
Holly who?
Holly-days are here again!
Santa went to the Doctors with a problem.
Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Santa: I seem to have a mince pie stuck up my bottom!
Doctor: Well your in luck because I've got just the cream for that!
Christmas One-liners~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two snowmen in a field, one turned to the other and said "I don't know about you but I can smell carrots."!
Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.
There were two biscuits, on a plate, all ready for Santa to eat. One biscuit decided to go and hide in the biscuit tin as it didn't want to get eaten. As it was going to the kitchen, Santa came in and stood on it and all the other biscuit could say was 'Crumbs'!.
Geoff
Smiley change over day is this coming Monday-hopefully
Sorry Becks-how are the
patients today?
Brace yourselves-we are all going to die from winter weather again
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/uk-weather-big-freeze-heading-1477328
Been faffing about removing all BT stuff off my PC, and reinstalling my anti-virus software from Sky.
We're still coughing Geoff, and Jess is staying at home again today. But more active today.